


two weeks camping, two weeks to get to know each other, two weeks to fall in love

by tothevision



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Camping, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Just some lighthearted fluff with a little bit of drama thrown in!, Outdoor Sex, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Summer, Summer Vacation, Wilderness, camping holiday, fun and silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-09-06 10:38:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 72,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8747290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothevision/pseuds/tothevision
Summary: || a clexa camping au ||Clarke & the delinquents go on a two week camping vacation. Turns out, Lexa's there as well with some friends of her own.





	1. Chapter 1

_Camping.  
_

_It’ll be relaxing, they said._

_Two weeks in the great outdoors, they said._

_You’ll have so much fun, they said._

_Liars. They were all fucking liars._

Clarke’s head was killing her. Judging by the blood on her hands, she could safely hazard a guess that she had a decent sized cut on them. Or the blood could be from her scraped knees. She was shaking too. The sun was going down and the adrenaline had worn off. So here she was, sitting on a massive, pre-historic boulder that sat a fatally deceptive mere 3 inches below the surface of the lake. It was _literally_ the middle of the lake too...

This was their first day in the mountains. They’d arrived a few hours earlier, set up camp, and everything had gone well for the most part. Clarke wasn’t keen on camping, especially not full on like this with no running water or any semblance of a latrine. Nope, it was just Clarke's bare ass and the great outdoors. But Bellamy and Octavia were so excited about it that they managed to get everyone else on board. And Clarke? Well, she could have a good time anywhere as long as she had good people and enough alcohol. So it was agreed.

They were on a lake where the Blakes actually owned a house, but Octavia hated their step-father so they reserved a camping site for two weeks that was a good distance away from the house on the opposite side of the lake. Excessive? Probably. But Clarke wasn’t really interested in taking on Bellamy and Octavia’s family problems - not this summer anyway. She had her own life to worry about.

A med school drop out. Cliche’d starving artist (though starving was a stretch because her mother did well as Chief of Staff at NY Presbyterian and supported Clarke…begrudgingly). No direction in life. Not to mention that her love life seemed to be increasingly hopeless with each paramour (and there were a lot of them).

Finn was along for this trip, which was a plus. He’d finally cut his overgrown, floppy mess of hair, and was now looking passably cute (okay, really cute). They’d been flirting a lot for the last couple months. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t planning on working that angle. Hey, they said it was supposed to be relaxing right? What better way to release a little stress? Finn Collins was easy, cute, and very available. It was just a summer vacay fling - Clarke could do that. Hell, Clarke _needed_ that.

But she wasn’t thinking about any of those things now because now she was stranded on a lake, alone, bruised and bleeding, and it was really freaking cold.

Octavia wanted to go out for an early evening spin in a little outboard motor dinghy. It was narrow, flat bottomed, and aluminum. Perfect for fishing and shallow waters. Clarke was pretty sure Bellamy called it a "Jon" boat - whoever Jon was. It seemed to be a pretty common boat in these parts - cheap and effective. But this was hardly a cheap model, especially that motor, because nothing the Blakes bought was cheap.  


Literally, they brought three boats with them for this trip - the Jon boat, a pontoon, and the sleekest speed boat Clarke had ever been in. That didn’t even include the four jet skis they hauled along with them or the fact that their mom held onto the SeaRay for her own use with her husband. The Blakes were ridiculous, honestly, and it was all their fault that she was here right now, cursing her existence (and theirs).

It was a nice ride at first. The lake was calm, smooth as glass. They just glided over the surface. Clarke was enjoying the silence up on the bow, her arm over the side with her hand skimming the water. Octavia was steering, but she didn’t feel the need to talk. They’d spent the last seven hours with their friends, the core group had been fondly nicknamed by Clarke's Dad as 'the Delinquents' due to some incredible bad luck where every single of them managed to get in minor trouble with the law in the same year for totally different things. It'd been endless noise and chatter with them since their departure at dawn that morning. While Clarke loved her friends, she really loved some peace and quiet too. 

So did Octavia. 

So they relaxed and took in their surroundings. A green forest lined both sides of the lake with endless trees and rolling mountains, some looking like little hills in the distance, some stretching up before them with steep climbs and bald peaks. There was a golden, warm sky shining off the glassy water, signaling an end to the beautiful summer day. The air was crisp and clean here. Clarke felt like she could actually breathe again for the first time in a long time.

Then she was flying headfirst over the bow into the water and hit something really hard. There were screams, whether it was from her or Octavia, or both of them, she didn’t know. She barely had a second to grasp what happened when a shadow loomed over her and she turned around to see the boat in mid-air, capsizing, and about to come crashing down on her head. It was pure instinct when she planted her feet and reached up to catch it just before it hit her.

Wait. 

She _caught_ the boat? 

She _planted_ her feet? 

They were in the middle of the lake, that wasn’t possible.  


Clarke looked over to see that Octavia had been able to do the same. They caught it at the same time and quickly flipped it back over. Octavia had blood dripping down her arm and it was smeared across the sideboard. She took a second to look down and realized, stunned, that they were actually both standing on a giant boulder that lay mere inches beneath the surface. It was just deep enough that the water didn't break on it and it was entirely alone. There wasn't a single other rock around to serve as a heads up. They were too deep in the lake for this to even be considered a possibility. There was no way to see this thing until you were, as they did, flying right over it.

Together, they hauled the boat onto the rock with them, frantic to keep it from sinking, but there wasn’t enough room to get it all the way up and the motor was still completely submerged with bottom half of the boat. Life jackets and ropes and various odd items were floating all around them - the things that could float anyway. Clarke hoped no one had anything they really wanted in there because it was surely at the bottom of the lake right now. 

Just like this dinghy should be.

It was filled to the brim with water and the only reason why it didn’t join the rest of their belongings was because of this damned rock.  


Fat lot of good it did them. The boat was practically a bathtub now and they had no way to bail it out. Even if they did - it was highly unlikely that they’d be able to get the motor started after being underwater like that.

Octavia reached out, on hands and knees, and managed to snag one of the life jackets that was still close by. There were three others but they were already so far gone that it wasn’t worth chasing them down. She propped it on the sideboard carefully.  


“Are you all right?” Clarke asked hoarsely.

It was the first thing either of them had said to each other aside from the screaming and grunts of effort.

“I can’t fucking believe this,” Octavia said, ignoring Clarke’s query as she stared down at the useless piece of trash while they both shivered. “Where the hell did this thing come from? _How_? Why is there no warning sign or buoy or anything?”  


Octavia was barefooted and wearing a bikini with just a tank top, but Clarke was fully dressed with hiking boots on. She was soaked from head to toe and there was no chance of her being able to dry off as quickly as Octavia would.

They both looked around. The lake was empty. It was a remote area to begin with. The same thought crossed their minds: _“when will the others realize we’re missing?”_

“Clarke, you’re bleeding.” 

Octavia finally seemed to actually be that Clarke was in this with her too.

“So are you.”

Octavia scoffed, holding up her hand to show her. “Just a scratch from this monstrosity.” She pointed down at the rock they were uncomfortably perched on.  


With half a boat and the two of them, there wasn’t much room to share or move at all really. They just stood as still as they could next to each other.  


“What about your leg?”

“Got caught on the boat, I think. Who knows? I’m fine though. It’s your head that’s gonna be a problem.”

“If I had a dollar for every time… No, wait, I’m not going to joke about this. Octavia, we are _stranded_!”

“Oh, no!” she shot back, dripping with sarcasm as she clapped her hands on her cheeks. “Are we really? How could I have missed that?”  


“You weren’t paying attention.”

“Oh, you better back right the hell off,” she snapped, but her defensiveness dropped suddenly when she looked down at the boat turned basin. 

Guilt read all over her face. 

“I…I’m sorry, Clarke…I didn’t…”

“No, I’m sorry,” she groaned, tentatively resting on the edge of the aluminum side, hoping it wouldn’t cause the thing to slide back into the water (and sink like an anchor). It slipped a tiny fraction of an inch before resuming a semi fixed state. Octavia still had her hand on the side just in case. “You couldn’t have seen this thing, but what the hell are we going to do?”

“Well, first, how many fingers am I holding up?”

Clarke slapped away the three fingers with a glare. “I’m fine!”

“Your hair is matted with blood and you’re paler than I’ve ever seen you. And I’ve seen you in a New York winter, so that’s really saying something. You’re also shaking.”

“So are you,” she pointed out grumpily.

“I’m wearing a bathing suit and the sun is starting to set. Are you honestly going to tell me that your hands are trembling like that for the same reason?”

With a skeptical (and concerned) raise of her eyebrow, Octavia looked down where Clarke had her hands folded in her lap, shaking uncontrollably.

“Yes,” Clarke said, not the least bit convincing.

“Right, okay, well we can’t sit around and wait for them to stop partying at midnight or something to realize we haven’t come back. We’ll get hypothermia.” Octavia looked to the shore. “It’s not that far, I can swim it and hoof my way back to camp. Thank God we didn’t get one of the island spots otherwise we’d be even more screwed.”

Clarke’s vision was starting to blur and that was more terrifying than anything she wanted to admit to Octavia. Also, swimming wasn’t her strong suit. She did just fine, but a half mile swim to shore was not something she was up for after this. She didn’t need to say anything though, Octavia picked up on it at once.

Kneeling down slightly, she put her hand on Clarke’s soaked jeans reassuringly. “It’s gonna be okay. I’ll get help. Just stay here and see if you can keep this piece of shit from ending up in the boating graveyard.”

Octavia didn’t really care what happened to boat, she was just trying to give Clarke something to focus on. Clarke knew and appreciated it.  


“But…”

Unfortunately, as much as she wanted to, Clarke really wasn’t in a position to protest the plan. Her head was throbbing worse than ever and she was having trouble piecing together a coherent sentence. The cold was seeping into her bones and her teeth were chattering.

Octavia’s brow grew more furrowed with concern and Clarke desperately tried to grasp for something to reassure her.

“It’s just the a-a-adrenaline w-wearing off,” she said as she tried to clench her teeth. “I’m f-fine. Promise.”

Octavia was still far from convinced, but they didn’t have a better option at the moment. No one was going to be on the lake this late and they couldn’t afford to wait around for their friends.

“Here,” Octavia pulled off her tank top that had already started to dry and bunched it into a ball before putting it on Clarke’s bloody cut. “Can you hold it there? You’re bleeding a lot.”

“T-thanks,” she chattered with a nod, “but don’t worry, even the shallowest head wounds look life threatening because of how much they bleed. Good thing I clot well. I’m a clotter.”

“That’s not a thing.”

“Totally is. I went to med school.”

“You dropped out of med school.”

“Why are y-you insulting someone with a-a life threatening injury?”

She rolled her eyes. “You just said it wasn’t life threatening.”

“B-because it’s n-not, but you t-think it _is_ so…s-so…there.”

“Crap. We’re gonna have to end this trip before it even started if you broke your head.”

“Go swim a-already! We’re wasting time.”

“All right, all right, but give me your boots. I won’t be able to go as fast on this terrain with bare feet.”

Clarke acquiesced at once, but she fumbled with the laces for so long that Octavia had to do it for her. Once off Clarke’s feet, she knotted them together and looped them over her shoulder.

“Take the life jacket,” Clarke said, swallowing hard as she tried to stay focused.

Octavia refused and instead insisted that Clarke put it on. “I’ll swim faster without it and I’ll feel better knowing you’re not out here completely defenseless.”

Clarke didn’t have it in her to argue so Octavia slipped it on her and buckled it tight. She took a deep breath, looking at the shoreline and back to Clarke.

“I’m fine,” Clarke said, enunciating it with as much clarity as she could to be convincing. “Just be safe and find the others so I can get off this godforsaken rock.”

That seemed to do it for Octavia. She nodded once before diving into the water and started with strong, steady strokes towards the shore.  


Clarke watched her, shivering and teeth clattering worse than ever, until Octavia reached the shore. She watched as the tiny figure seemed to sit down and do something (presumably putting on her boots) and then, with what Clarke was pretty sure was a wave, she took off at a jog down the sandy shore, leaping over rocks and fallen logs with a kind of athletic grace and sureness that Clarke would never have. Octavia was a born wilderness girl. Clarke was strictly indoors.

Except for now.

And she was definitely regretting that.

The shoreline curved and Octavia was soon out of sight which left Clarke completely alone. The sky was starting to turn pink and purple as the sun dipped behind the mountains. The temperature dropped instantly with it.

_Worst. Vacation. Ever._

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been sitting there, how long it’d been since she’d lost sight of Octavia, but she could have sworn she heard the hum of a motor in the distance. At first she thought it was her imagination, but it got louder. She started to hope it was her friends, that Octavia had been able to get back to them that quickly, but it seemed impossible - even for someone like Octavia Blake.

She didn’t really have the energy to lift her head, but somehow did anyway. When her arm cramped painfully as she moved, she realized she was still holding Octavia’s shirt to her head, pressure to stop the bleeding. She’d completely forgotten about it and had been frozen in that same position the whole time.

“Hey,” a voice called to her - it was unfamiliar and so far away, but it was female. She could tell that much. “Hey, miss?”

_Miss? Really? That’s what I am now?_

She heard more sounds, the voice mixed with the quiet putter of a motor and she couldn’t separate the two. But then there was someone standing on the rock with her. The evil Jon boat was scraping along the rock as the woman did something to it. Clarke was still shell shocked and fixed to the spot where she was sitting, three inches deep in the water.

There was the voice again, soft and raspy against her ear. She decided she really liked that voice. Hands were on her arms, strong hands, but slim and long. They curled around her biceps easily and gently lifted her until she was standing.

“…in the boat…” she heard floating through the air.

Somehow she managed to piece it together that this woman wanted her to get into another boat. A dry one. One that wasn’t halfway to the boating graveyard. There was some fumbling and a few missteps before Clarke managed to get into it. 

Well, _fall_ into it would be more accurate. 

The voice was there with her again, helping her upright, undoing the life jacket that Octavia had put on her. Then her wet sweater was being tugged off her and that set off enough warning bells for her eyes to finally fly open, crystal clear with with the rush of adrenaline.

An extraordinarily beautiful girl was sitting in front of her. She was around the same age as Clarke with bright green eyes and a wild mass of dark curls cascading down her shoulders. She was dressed warmly in layers with an open hoodie and jeans. Clarke didn’t think she could blame the bump on her head for the way her heart was racing and how she didn’t have a single word to say.

“Hi there,” the girl said gently, the sweetest little uptick in the corner of her mouth, with those lips.

_God, those gorgeous, full, kissable, lips…_

“Like I said before, I’m gonna help you get that freezing sweater off before you get sick. I have something dry for you to wear.”

The ‘thank you’ was stuck in Clarke’s throat, along with the ‘you’re a goddess’ and ‘did I die and are you my reward?’

Instead she just swallowed and lifted her arms so that the girl could pull off the heavy sweater. The cold air hit Clarke’s skin almost painfully, but soon she was being covered with a heavy, soft material that was a balm to her frozen body. The girl took off her own hoodie and wrapped that around Clarke as well, zipping it up for her.

“I think your head stopped bleeding, but I should take you to the ranger station anyway. You need medical attention.”

Clarke shook her head and instantly regretted it, wincing.

“Um, no, please,” she rasped, clearing her throat and licking her lips. “I’ll be fine. Just…um…my-my friends?”

The girl regarded her carefully, seeming to weigh whether or not Clarke was in a position to be able to choose wisely for herself.

“What’s your name?” she asked.

“Clarke.”

There was no hesitation and she said it with clarity. That seemed to be the decision maker.

“Okay… _Clarke_ ,” she tested it out with a reassuring smile, using the ‘k’ just a little harder than she was used to.  


_God, even the way she said her name was like…like…_

Well, Clarke didn’t have the words right now, but damn it, it made her feel things, okay?!

“Where are these friends of yours? I’ll give you a ride. Least I can do for the girl stranded on a rock in one of the dead zones.”

Clarke wished she could sit there and watch this girl, listening to her voice for forever.

But she was still pretty cold and she kind of had an idea where the campsite was. At least, she remembered the direction Octavia left in.

So she pointed, wordlessly, and hugged the hoodie around her, tugging the sleeves over her hands to warm them as she sat on the wooden plank of another dinghy, not unlike the hell spawn that was still on the rock. She may or may not have nuzzled into the soft sweatshirt and breathed in just how good it smelled.

The girl smiled again and Clarke’s heart was beating against her rib cage so hard that she had to have been able to hear it.

”All right, we’ll give it a try, but if we don’t find them soon, I’m taking to you to the ranger station, fair?”

”Fair,” Clarke agreed.  


”Hold on to the side,” she said as she started the motor up again from neutral and turned them around, her hair flipping over her shoulder as she looked back.  


However, Clarke’s sense of balance was nonexistent at the moment and she toppled over immediately. The girl stopped at once, leaving the motor to help Clarke sit upright again. She seemed much more worried than she did a moment ago, not that Clarke could blame her, but she didn’t ask about the ranger station again. Instead, she carefully guided Clarke over to the the far back with her and situated Clarke between her legs on the wooden seat, wrapping one arm around her waist to keep her steady, and used the other to steer.

”Okay?” she asked.

Clarke managed to get out a meek, “ _Yeah_ ,” but mostly she was just convinced this was all a dream or some kind of incredible hallucination before she died on that rock because beautiful girls did not rescue you in the middle of the rural mountains and undress you only to put soft warm flannel on you and then cuddle you within minutes of meeting…if you could call it meeting when Clarke couldn’t string two words together.

She started up the boat again, going slowly, testing out how well she could steer with Clarke being a bit of an awkward hindrance, but it seemed to be okay with her

It was certainly okay with Clarke.  


She felt so warm and soft against her and she smelled faintly of pine and campfire smoke. She was the woods personified. Maybe she was the Goddess of the Forest sent to rescue her.

“You feel really good,” she mumbled before tensing up in sheer mortification.  


_She said that out loud?!_ _  
_

_Jesus, how hard did she hit her head…?_

But the girl just laughed breezily, adjusting their position a little to make sure Clarke was secure. She didn’t seem bothered by the admission. _  
_

”What’s your name?” Clarke asked, loud enough to be heard over the motor.

She’d come this far making an idiot of herself anyway. What could a name hurt?  


Maybe finding out her name would make this more real or perhaps it would prove her right about it being a fantasy/death hallucination.  


The wind whipped around them as the boat picked up speed and the arm around her tightened its hold - much to Clarke’s delight.

There were lips against her ear and that same calm, rich voice against her ear again, making her shiver for, finally, another reason than the cold.

”I’m Lexa. It’s nice to meet you, Clarke.”


	2. Chapter 2

Lexa was honestly at a loss. There was this gorgeous girl in her arms, trembling, as she rode her dinghy down the lake, searching marked campsites for any sign that this girl might belong to one of them. It was one of the oddest and potentially most amazing things to ever happen to her. How many chances do you get to play the knight in shining armor to a girl who could be…

She could be everything.  


Lexa was just taking her boat out for the first time since they got here, an absurdly long drive from D.C., but it was tradition. This was their sixth summer here and she wouldn’t trade it for anything. Anya was being surlier than usual and Lincoln had gone into town to hang out at the local bar and bring back supplies later so Lexa just wanted to get out on the lake before dusk and take it all in again. 

Another year. Another summer. Another trip with the closest people in the world to her (minus Aden, of course, but this wasn’t a trip for little brothers). Six years it’d been their tradition to come up here, Lexa bringing her little dinghy and renting a jet boat from the marina an hour south of here.

Get away from the city, breathe the clean air, leave their busy and cluttered lives behind to just simply be free. Two weeks of pure freedom.

She saw the odd scene out of the corner of her eye - she was on the opposite end of the lake. At first, it just looked like a white dot, possibly a loose boat floating or some debris. It was a dead zone so she really should have just ignored it and went on her way, but curiosity got the better of her. She steered closer and it wasn’t long before she realized there was a person there too.

Navigating carefully, slowly, she saw a blonde girl - her age - sitting in what was seemingly the middle of a very wide lake. It almost looked like she was levitating on water, but the illusion was hindered by the battered boat behind her that was sticking half out of the water. The girl had a cloth to her head and her eyes were closed, but she was so still and pale that it alarmed Lexa. She was already mapping out in her head where the closest ranger station was in order to get this girl some help.

She tried calling out to her, but she didn’t get a response. It wasn’t until she was bumping against the boulder that obviously caused the accident that the girl moved, grimacing as she did. Lexa stood and carefully transferred herself onto the slippery rock, holding the bow line to keep her boat from drifting. She focused on making sure the dinged up motorboat was as far up and securely positioned on the rock as it could be, pulling with all her strength to get it higher on the boulder. The girl might want to come back for it after she recovered.

When it was as steady as she could get it (which wasn’t very, but it did offer more time), Lexa managed to cajole the stock-still girl into her dinghy. She tried talking to her, explaining, offering reassurance and comfort, but she didn’t get a response. The girl was shaking uncontrollably and she was a bit scraped up. The worst of it was a cut on her forehead that seemed to have bled a lot considering the state of the cloth, but it had already clotted.  


It wasn’t easy to get her into the boat as it dipped precariously under the weight of another and tipped almost to a 90 degree angle, but eventually it worked. The girl kind of tumbled in, but not too hard. Lexa quickly followed and tried to get her righted on the wooden plank that served as seating. The girl's tremors were getting worse and Lexa knew there wasn’t much she could immediately do to fix it short of stripping and giving her own clothes.

Something about this girl seemed to make that idea an actual likelihood, but Lexa rooted around and came up with Anya’s flannel. She’d grabbed it just in case she needed another layer. That and the hoodie she was wearing would have to make do until she could get her somewhere safe to change out of those heavy soaked clothes and warm up. She tried asking her if she was okay to take off the life jacket, but there still received no reply. The girl hadn’t opened her eyes except to glance at the bottom of the boat every now and again. It would be at least a twenty minute ride to the nearest ranger station, this was a remote area, and hypothermia was a very real risk with someone who had already lost blood and she had no idea how long this girl had been marooned on that rock. She had to at least get rid of that sweater, the jeans were a lost cause for now, but her lower half would at least be protected from the wind by sitting in the boat.  


Lexa explained her plan as best she could to the non-responsive girl and started to remove her life jacket - hoping she was doing the right thing. She hesitated with her hands at the hem of the sweater, but another violent shudder ripped through the girl and that made the decision for her. Lexa started to peel it off and that seemed to be the wake up call the girl needed. Her head lifted and her eyes opened with startling clarity. Lexa sucked in a breath when she met those bright blue depths.

_Jesus, she was beautiful._

“Hi there."  


* * *

 

Eventually they found Clarke’s camp. It was kind of obvious with all the shouting and frantic people pushing out their boat - jumping in like they were off to fight a forest fire. Everyone was yelling at each other. Lexa would have been able to find them even without Clarke’s weak gestures, pointing the way.

“Looks like you were missed,” she said.

Clarke didn’t reply. Instead, she laid her head back heavily on Lexa’s shoulder, sinking into her embrace. Lexa was hit with simultaneous feelings of excitement and guilt.

This girl had just been in an accident and here Lexa was, _drooling_ over her. Practically taking advantage of her! She’d done everything with good reason, but still she’d taken a traumatized girl into her boat, gotten her shirt of, and then held her for something like ten minutes while they searched for her campsite. It would have been fine if Lexa didn’t find herself inexplicably drawn to her with less than chivalrous intentions, but she didn’t mean to! She honestly just wanted to help. 

But she couldn’t help how much she liked holding Clarke in her arms. 

It wasn’t fair.

Her face was burning when she approached the beach, slowing down. They saw her coming and started to quiet down out of confusion before one of them shouted, “It’s Clarke!”

The pandemonium started again and there were a few guys in the water up to their knees. A tall, broad shouldered black guy strode through towards Lexa and Clarke. He grabbed the bow and pulled it with a strong yank so that it slid up onto the beach. His face was deep set with grave concern, his eyes on Clarke and only Clarke. Lexa could easily tell how much he cared about this girl. 

Her heart dropped like a stone.

The ten minutes she’d spent with Clarke in her arms would have to be enough.

“She seems okay, just some mild hypothermia and a little shaken,” Lexa said to him as he approached the stern.

Clarke looked up with a grimace. “Hey, Wells,” she said. “I’m fucking f-freezing.”

He nodded, arms out, and Lexa gave her over tenderly to the boy. He lifted Clarke out of the boat with ease, cradling her in his arms.

“Thank you for helping her,” he said with the utmost sincerity and Lexa found herself feeling grateful that Clarke had people who genuinely seemed to love her. Everyone should have those people in their life. Especially this girl.  


But Lexa had to swallow back the bitterness of seeing Clarke curled up against him, feeling absurdly empty now that she was out of her embrace. She simply nodded in return and he walked out of the water, up towards the camp where a bunch of others were waiting.

Lexa never got to say goodbye.

She didn’t have time to dwell on that though because there were others still holding their boat in mid-action, obviously at a loss for what they were supposed to do now.

“I can take you to the spot," she offered. "If you can bail the boat out, you should be able to tow it back.”

“Thank God,” a small brunette on the beach said. She was wrapped up in a sweatshirt that was three sizes too big. “I’ve had enough of boats for today.”  


A handful of guys nodded eagerly at Lexa, thanking her, and they pushed her boat back out for her before following in their own ski boat. Lexa was off again like a shot, Clarke’s friends behind her, and she spared a glance back at the rapidly receding campsite with a heavy heart and feeling such…such _terrible_ unrest. It was settled deep between her ribs, almost aching, almost painful.   


_What the hell was wrong with her?_   


Clarke had barely said a few sentences to her while suffering a head contusion and Lexa was acting like some infatuated loser? She needed to cut those feelings off - quick as they came.

Anya was going to kill her for giving away her favorite red plaid.


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke was enjoying the peace and quiet. It was mid-afternoon and she was stretched out on a hammock, happily sunbathing in her bikini. She didn’t sleep much last night with ice on her head, wrapped in the blankets the group brought out for her, and then she was propped up near the firepit to keep warm. They used Bellamy’s satellite phone to call her mom because Wells was really worried about letting her sleep. 

Abby was calm and cool as she walked Gina through step by step testing Clarke for any serious signs of a concussion.

Clarke passed with flying colors. 

It was probably a very mild concussion and a mix of shock from the trauma with the cold that caused Clarke to have the reaction she did.

But after Advil, all the ice they had in the cooler, and many, many layers of warm clothing underneath a mountain of blankets, Clarke was finally allowed to try and get some rest in the tent she shared with Raven.   


It was a terrible night’s sleep, her head throbbed the whole way through, and she was either burning up, or shivering again. Also, it seemed like an unspoken agreement that everyone in the group would take turns waking Clarke up throughout the night, just to ensure she wasn’t in a coma or something. If Clarke had the energy, she would have socked them in the face.   


Eventually the sun rose, Clarke gave up on sleep, the others slowly woke as well, coffee was brewed, breakfast was made, and the group tried to decide the next best course of action. Of course, that conversation happened in between Octavia’s retelling of their adventures even though everyone had already heard it last night.

“…we told them we would have at least…”

“….it’s incredible that we’re alive right now…”

“…we paid in advance for this excursion…”

“…the way it flipped, it was going to crash down on our heads…”

“… _you_ can stay behind, but I’m not giving up this trip…”

“…thank God Clarke was able to catch it with me, otherwise I don’t think I would have been able to hold it alone…”

“…we can’t…”

“…blood all over…”

“…have to go before…”

“…like a tub…”

“SHUT UP!” Clarke cried and they all stopped, blinking in confusion, and stared at her. She took a deep calming breath before continuing. “You are all continuing with the trip as planned. I will stay behind - they won’t dock you for one person when it’s a two raft booking.”  


What they were bickering about – over Octavia’s regaling – was their plan to go white water rafting. Originally, all of them were going to go, but now Clarke was definitely out, and a few of the others didn’t want to leave her alone.  


They’d made reservations with a rafting company that would give them a guide along with all the gear. Unfortunately, you were required to have a certain number of people to go on the trip otherwise the company could cancel it (and keep your money).   


The bickering continued for a little longer with a lot of guilt tripping, but Clarke ultimately put her foot down and said that no one was allowed to stay behind. She wanted to spend the day alone. She used the headache excuse and said it would be best for her to have the silence anyway. They didn’t like it - Wells and Finn especially - but Clarke was adamant. Soon they were all gone and it was bliss for Clarke.

She puttered around the camp in sweats at first, tidying up their mess, but the sun rose and the temperature quickly rose with it. She shed the sweats for her bathing suit, put some antibacterial cream on the scrapes on her leg and elbow as well as the cut over her eye. It really wasn’t as bad as it seemed yesterday - the cut on her head was just a shallow inch wide cut right near her hairline.

Clarke couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Those eyes that were the first thing she saw.

Her soft, genuine smile.

Her lips.

The way her hands were so sure, so strong, yet slender and graceful.

The way she held Clarke - not like a fragile, breakable object, but as something revered…treasured…

And that _voice_. It sent tingling, warm little bolts of pleasure down her spine whenever she remembered it.

She never got to thank her.

Clarke looked out at the beauty surrounding her, the mountains across the lake, the shimmering sunlight on the water, and so much green. But no boat. No other signs of life except for the occasional pair in a canoe or kayaks.

Clarke grumpily resigned herself to a lifetime of daydreams and what-if’s as she lay down in the hammock Monty put up first thing yesterday with Harper. The sun shined down on her, warming her skin, making the frigid experience of yesterday a long forgotten memory. She slathered on sunblock and laid back, closing her eyes, ready for a much needed nap.

She fell asleep almost at once, and considering what she went through yesterday with hardly any sleep, it wasn’t surprising that she didn’t hear the motor until the boat was already gliding up smoothly onto their beach.

Clarke opened her eyes blearily, blinking against the strong light until she could focus again.

“Sorry to wake you.”

That voice again.

Indeed, it was the same girl who rescued her last night. The one who held her tightly, steadying her, sharing her warmth with the ice cold Clarke. The one who filled her every waking thought since without rhyme or reason.   


“ _Lexa_ ,” she breathed.

Lexa climbed out of the boat with ease, practically dancing on tip toe over the bow, not a single misstep, and jumped onto the dry sand. She looked up at Clarke who was a few feet higher on the incline in her hammock.

“So you remember my name?” she teased with a grin. “That’s a good sign.”  


Clarke thought it was her shaky state of mind that made her remember Lexa to be prettier than she really was, but it was actually the opposite. Or maybe Lexa was just looking even more beautiful today. Either way, Clarke’s fuzzy memories of yesterday’s beautiful stranger were nothing compared to the extraordinary girl standing in front of her now.   


Her hair was down again, all dark curls in a glorious mane. She didn’t notice it yesterday or maybe they weren’t there then, but she had some intricate braids hidden in those locks. Her jaw was angled and sharp, high cheekbones, and her face was utterly radiant in the sunlight.

_She had it so bad…_   


Clarke was already making her way down to the beach to meet her, still as breathless and speechless as she was the first time she saw her.

_Really…really bad._   


Lexa was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt and boy short bathing suit bottoms. Long, tan, slender legs were on display for Clarke’s viewing pleasure.   


_She wasn’t drooling! She wasn’t!_

_…maybe a little.  
_

_…kind of a lot.  
_

Lexa’s sunglasses were pushed on top of her head, holding some of the curls in place, away from her face. She had a tattoo. More than one. The one that Clarke could see most clearly was a tribal design of some sort on her right bicep. Normally, tattoos weren’t that appealing to her.  


Tattoos on Lexa, however, seemed to be the most perfect, logical, and attractive decision possible. They suited her perfectly.

_Suited her perfectly? What the hell did she know?  
_

Clarke had no idea who this girl was beyond the fact that her name was Lexa, she was drop dead gorgeous, sexy as hell, and she liked to zoom around the lake in her little aluminum dinghy that was freshly painted in dark blue with a white stripe. Also, she apparently liked tattoos and rescuing people marooned on rocks.  


“Of course, I remember your name,” Clarke said, approaching her. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”  


Lexa’s gaze raked over her, eyes flickering down for the briefest flash before they were fixated on Clarke’s face again. 

_ Ah, right. _

Clarke forgot she was only in her bikini. Seeing Lexa’s face right now though, she had a feeling it was a good thing. She watched Lexa swallow a little too hard and Clarke’s whole body flushed in appreciation. 

She wasn’t imagining that heated look…was she?

“I…” Lexa started and then seemed a little embarrassed as she shook her head and shrugged. “I wanted to see how you were. You had everyone worried last night.”

“You were worried about me?”

Lexa blinked, an odd little twist of her mouth. “Of course I was. I found you stranded in the middle of the lake, bleeding, not speaking, and shaking like crazy. How could I not be?”  


“Oh!” Clarke’s cheeks burned. “Right, yeah, I was being over dramatic or something I guess. I’m so sorry you had to go through that with me, but, honestly, you might have saved my life, so thank you. Really. You didn’t have to do what you did.”

Lexa smirked and walked past her, collapsing into one of the beach chairs that littered the sandy shore. They had seven kayaks all lined up on the sand just a few feet away. Clarke was amazed at how Bellamy and Octavia were so unconcerned with someone stealing their toys, but they insisted it was a good area and it was highly unlikely. So kayaks, jet skis, paddle boards, tubes, wake boards, and so on, were just scattered all across their private beach.   


Clarke was going to be shocked if they only lost or broke _half_ of those things by the trip's end. It was only day two and they’d already gotten into a boating accident.   


The now deemed “evil Jon boat from hell” (deemed that by Clarke and Octavia - “Figures they’d name a piece of crap like that after Murphy” - “Totally uncalled for, girl Blake.”) was surprisingly not badly damaged. Finn, Miller, Brian, and Bellamy all went to retrieve it, following Lexa’s lead. They were able to bail it out and tow it back without a problem. Bellamy didn’t see any punctures in the hull, it was just dinged and scratched up - much like Octavia and Clarke. He was also pretty optimistic about getting the motor running again after it dried out. It was on his list for tomorrow.   


Clarke didn’t care. She was never stepping foot in that floating coffin again.  


“Nothing I wouldn’t do for anyone else,” Lexa said cockily. “You’d be surprised how often people need rescuing.”

Clarke joined her, sitting in the chair next to her, and scoffed at the bravado. “Oh, yeah? You make this a regular thing then?”

“I was a life guard for five years.”

“That’s a nice summer job - spending your days by the water in the sun.”

“Absolutely,” Lexa tilted her head towards her with a twinkle in her eyes that had Clarke’s stomach flip flopping. “Beach, sun, surf, saving lives, and of course, the greatest perk of all…picking up girls.”

Clarke’s heart soared over the mountain tops, into the fluffy cumulus clouds, never to be brought down again. Excitement exploded to every crevice of her body, down to her toes.

This had to be the best day of her life.

Lexa. Her hero. The Forest Goddess. _Liked girls._

Clarke had the biggest smile on her face that she didn’t even try to contain.

“Did you have them draped all over you every summer?” she asked, tongue in cheek.

Lexa gave a quick, barely noticeable, exhale as she smiled back at Clarke. “Something like that.”

“So yesterday was just another day at the office for you. I see. Here I was thinking I might have been special.”

“Well, considering all the lives I’ve saved, and there’s been plenty, I have to admit I don’t think I’ve ever encountered something like what happened yesterday.”

Clarke’s heart skipped a beat and her mouth went dry.

_Were they still talking about the accident?_   


Before she could respond, Lexa looked away suddenly, clearing her throat. “Anyway, um, I actually did have another reason for dropping in on you.”

_Drop in anytime._

_All the time._

_Drop down even further if you need to._

“Oh, and what’s that?”

Lexa winced. “Remember the flannel shirt I gave you? I kinda need it back. It’s not mine, it’s my friend Anya’s and she pitched the biggest shit fit about me giving it away to…to someone in need.”

That wasn’t what Lexa was going to say, so Clarke wondered what it was this Anya had really said.

“Not the sympathetic type, hm?”

“Hardly,” Lexa snorted. “But a good human being…deep down…somewhere, I’m sure of it.”

Clarke laughed softly. “Of course, give me a sec. I’ll go get it.”

“Do you need any help or–?”

She rolled her eyes and ordered Lexa to stay put.

Pouting a little petulantly, Lexa did as she was told.

Clarke was loath to part with the shirt, even though Lexa said it wasn’t hers, it still felt like hers. It felt like Clarke had something reminding her that what happened wasn’t a dream. It was, oh so very, real.

But it wasn’t Lexa’s.

So Clarke dug it out of the mountain of blankets in her tent and folded it carefully before hugging in to her stomach, just to feel the flannel on her skin once more. She noticed something else peeking out and she pulled on it to find Lexa's black hoodie buried there as well.

That gave her pause.

She only asked for the _shirt_ back, right?  


Clarke went back down to the beach where Lexa was waiting and handed the red plaid to her. The hoodie stayed behind in Clarke's tent. Was it technically stealing if someone had given it to you in your time of need? It was a loan and Clarke would give it back...if Lexa asked for it. 

Okay, maybe it was a little weird (a lot weird) and total thievery, but Clarke reasoned with herself that if Lexa really wanted it back, she would ask.  


_In the mean time..._   


“I didn’t get to wash it, sorry.”

Lexa shook her head bemusedly. “Don’t worry about it.”

Clarke sat back down again, lifting her chin up to enjoy the warm sunshine on her face.

“You had a pretty large, rowdy group yesterday,” Lexa said, glancing over her shoulder at the empty campground. “What happened to them?”

“I sent them all home. They were giving me a headache.”

“I think the rock did that, actually.”

“Well, they were making it worse.” Clarke chuckled. “They’re rafting and I got to stay here and have this all to myself.”

“They left you alone?” Lexa snapped in disbelief. “After you were…” She cut herself off, biting her lower lip to contain it. 

It was too late though because Clarke’s eyebrow had already shot up. 

“I mean, yesterday was a lot for you,” she said more carefully. “Maybe being alone so soon isn’t the best idea.”

Clarke scoffed, waving her off. “I’m perfectly fine and, I promise, I’m better off without those delinquents harassing me all day. Peace and quiet is exactly what the doctor ordered. The doctor being my mother who is an actual doctor.”

“Oh,” Lexa said softly, still not seeming too pleased with Clarke being alone. “Well...I know you said they’re loud, but I only have two people over at my camp. Would you maybe want to come over and…hang out?” she finished lamely.

Clarke’s heart jumped at the offer. Going from thinking she’d never see her again, to having her actually _here_ , having a _conversation_ , to being invited to spend _more time_ with her? 

_ Hell yes! _

But Clarke knew Lexa was just offering to be polite. She didn’t want a pity invite just because Lexa thought she was some wounded child who shouldn’t be alone.

So she, against her every desire, kindly declined - kicking herself for every second of it.  


Lexa’s jaw shifted and her eyes lowered, but she didn’t try to convince Clarke to change her mind, so that gave her the second clue that it had really been a pity invite.

“I should get going then. I don’t want to bother you while you’re having your alone time.”  


Clarke’s stomach dropped. She’d turned down a chance to spend more time with this girl and now she was leaving, with little to no chance that she’d see her again.

“Y-you didn’t. I’m really glad you came by.”  


But Lexa didn’t come to see her. She came for her friend’s shirt. That's all.

Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so disappointed - it caused a physical ache in her chest.  


But then Lexa changed it.

“I’m glad I did too." She took a breath. "Look, how about this? I have a feeling that you’re gonna get sick of the ‘peace and quiet’ pretty soon. So, to give you a chance to change your mind, and accept some halfway decent company, I’m gonna have my friend Lincoln stop by later. He’s doing a supply run and he’ll bring you over on his way back. All you have to do is say yes. I’ll even throw in dinner. Hard to turn down a free meal, right?”  


Clarke lit up, all smiles and sparkling eyes. She was glowing from her cheeks to her toes. It’d felt like the day had dimmed in that brief moment of despair, but now the sun was back in all it’s glory and her stomach was doing somersaults of joy.

Maybe it hadn’t been a pity invite after all. Maybe… _just maybe_ …Lexa wanted to spend time with her too.

Maybe she was feeling even just a hint of what Clarke was.

“I’ll consider it,” she said with a teasing grin.

Lexa chuckled, knowing that Clarke was playing with her. She got up from the beach chair and headed back to her boat.

“I’ll see you later, Clarke.”

She pushed it out, hopped in, and flashed Clarke the sexiest grin while the motor roared under her hand. With a flick of her wrist, she whipped it around, and sped away.

Clarke slumped in her chair as she watched Lexa vanish in the distance, feeling thoroughly unwound - like she’d just been on the Twister ride at the carnival. Her head was spinning for reasons that had nothing to do with that dumb rock.  


This girl was going to break her.


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke changed her clothes at least five times after Lexa left. 

The moment she'd been extended a second invite, Clarke made up her mind to go. But then the following few hours left the nerves in her belly build, gather, and intensify. Each second ticking by with excruciating torture as she played out dozens upon dozens of scenarios. 

What she could say? What they would have to talk about?

Damn it! What should she _wear_? 

Should she bring something? What did people bring to…campsites? Was there an established etiquette that she was embarrassingly unaware of? She did have some wine… No, wine is not what one brings to a camping neighbor…right?  


The day grew late and Clarke began to worry that she’d agonized about all of this for nothing. There was no sign of this 'friend' Lexa talked about. 

Maybe Lexa forgot. 

Maybe the invitation was far more casual than Clarke thought and not an actual plan.

Her heart began to sink as minutes continued to tick away and no one showed. She started thinking about what she’d have to make for dinner since she hadn’t planned anything and her friends wouldn’t be back until nightfall. Torn between giving up altogether or waiting for this mysterious ride to show up, Clarke ended up planted on a tree stump, grumpy, useless, and dreaming about what would never be.  


Of course, that’s when she heard a boat approaching. It whipped around the bend and didn’t seem to have any intention of slowing down until it was nearly right on the beach. Only then the motor cut out and the boat flew right up to the shore with potentially damaging speed.

She didn’t want to get her hopes up.

“Hey!” a man called loudly. “Is there a woman named Clarke staying here?”

Relief flooded her body and she shook her head at herself for being so pathetic. Quickly making her way towards the water, Clarke saw the guy on the boat for the first time.

“I take it you’re Lincoln?”

He nodded with a smirk, leaning casually with both of his large arms draped over the windshield of the impressively sleek looking jet boat. “The Commander sent me, said I needed to give a ride to the beautiful girl she rescued yesterday.”

“Commander?” Clarke echoed curiously while blushing.

_Beautiful?_  


“Yep. Are you ready? Sorry I'm so late. It took longer than I thought to get everything we needed.”

“I just want to clarify that the ‘Commander’ you’re referring to is a brunette named Lexa?”

“Lexa Woods and no other,” he confirmed with a toothy grin. “Hey, look, we get it if you’re not totally comfortable coming over by yourself to hang with strangers. No harm, no foul if you say no. But if that’s the case then you should definitely come by another time with your friends. We’re all in this together out here - the great wilderness!”

“Well, you have me a little worried with that Commander line,” she joked, “but as long as you can promise me that none of you are ax murderers?”

His laughter was rich and deep. “I can absolutely guarantee it. Anya’s choice of weapon has never been an ax anyway.”

“Okay, see, you are really torpedoing your case here.”

Lincoln chuckled, eyes twinkling with sincerity now. “We’d be glad to have your company, Clarke. Lexa especially. So what do you say?”

Clarke didn’t say anything. She climbed into the boat using Lincoln’s offered hand to balance herself and sat down next to the driver’s side. She saw that the back was loaded with boxes, several of them seemingly filled to the brim with beer and alcohol.

“Supply run?” She arched an eyebrow.

“Can you think of anything more important to have around a fire after nightfall in the woods?” he countered with a shrug.  


“Point taken.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Clarke. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Her cheeks were undoubtedly bright red again. ”It’s nice to be talked about, I guess. How am I living up to the tale so far?”

He gave her a warm smile as he started up the motor again and pulled away from the beach. “I believe you’ve already exceeded expectations.”

* * *

 

Despite Lexa saying that there were only two others in her group, apparently she didn’t anticipate Anya and Lincoln inviting more campers over because when Clarke arrived at their site, there seemed to be just as many people as her own group of friends. They were playing loud music, but she caught Lexa making them move the dance party away from the main camp as Clarke and Lincoln rode in. Half of them grabbed their things at Lexa’s seemingly firm words and hand gestures, skipping off down to the water, around the curve of the island as quickly as they could. You could still hear the music, but it was hardly as cringe worthy for Clarke’s continuing light headache.

So many names floated around her that she was never going to remember. Emori. Ryder. Nyko. Luna. Ontari. Roan. Niylah. She couldn’t keep any of them straight, how they were connected, who was with who, but from what she was able to glean, they were three separate groups that all met up in the bar in town and exchanged information about where everyone was staying.  


It was good to know who your neighbors were and even better if you could share your food and drinks to party with them at night. Most of them were Clarke’s age, some were older, likely cousins and siblings. They were calmer than Clarke’s friends, but they certainly liked to drink, and they knew how to have fun.

The other half that begged off the dance party were sitting around a firepit, striking up easy and interesting conversation. Clarke found herself really enjoying their company. Especially Lexa.

_Lexa._

Clarke was amazed that she managed to keep an exchange going with anyone when her attention was almost always on this girl. It was embarrassing how utterly enamored she was already, but it couldn’t be helped. _  
_

Lexa was quieter than the others, but not in an off putting or anti-social way. She joined in at the right times, made her points quickly, picked her stories wisely, and for the most part, was content to sit back and listen while the others would draw her back in every once in a while for an opinion. 

Clarke found herself utterly enchanted by this girl… This _extraordinary_ girl who made her want to know everything about her, waste no minute without her, study her, and yeah, she was having great difficulty in concentrating when her gaze kept dropping to those pouty, lush lips that had her falling into vivid millisecond fantasies and daydreams in between sentences.  


But it didn’t hurt that Lexa seemed to be having the same problem. Their eyes kept meeting, no matter who they were talking to. All night, they shared hushed whispers and knowing smiles. There was just this constant _awareness_ of the other. Clarke couldn’t take her eyes off her and that’s how she knew that Lexa wasn’t looking away either.  


While Clarke was genuinely enjoying the company of these new people, Lexa really hadn’t been joking about her friend Anya. High cheekbones, blonde with dark roots - a striking beauty herself, but she was harsh in ways that had Clarke a little wary. Anya would laugh and joke with the others, but in a split second she would turn into this seemingly cutthroat person - scathing, rude, and sharp tongued. 

Lexa joked in the first hour that Anya had a “permanent resting bitch face”, but Clarke wondered if it didn’t apply to her personality too. Also, there was the fact that she had a large hunting knife strapped to her hip and she seemed to use it as a multi utility tool, for anything from a utensil for dinner, to a fire poker, to a stress reliever that she would pull out and toy with in a rather unsettling way at random intervals. Lincoln wasn’t lying about her choice of weapon anyway…

Lincoln. Talk about the flip side. Lincoln was the polar opposite of Anya. He was warm and kind, always grinning and laughing about something. He talked about art and nature with a philosophical sort of twist on it. Though he was a very tall, large man who at first meeting seemed a bit intimidating, - broad shouldered, light brown skin, heavily inked up biceps that Clarke couldn’t even wrap around with two hands - but once she started talking to him, the only way she could describe him was the biggest, most gentle teddy bear she’d ever met.

Lexa’s choice in friends was odd, considering how different they all were, but Clarke wondered if there weren’t some traits they shared that weren’t as readily visible in the beginning. Maybe Anya wasn’t as harsh as she seemed with her bandana wrapped hair and tattoo sleeve. Maybe Lincoln had a sharper side to him that Clarke hadn’t yet witnessed. And Lexa? Well, Lincoln had called her "the Commander" and that was a facet of her personality that remained to be seen.  


Something did tie these three people together though. They seemed to be practically family and it definitely wasn’t because they had similar interests. Twenty minutes there and Clarke counted at least four separate bickering arguments over the most trivial of things, but they moved on quickly. Easily. It was their dynamic.  


She inwardly groaned at herself for all this musing over Lexa and her history with these people. How was she in this so deep already?  


_She was really…really screwed._  


* * *

It’d been a few hours and they’d just finished dinner - scrumptiously roasted corn on the cob and grilled chicken wings that Clarke ate way too much of. It was all contributed to Lexa so Clarke was forced to tick off yet another box for this girl. Considering how comfortable she seemed out here, Clarke would put good money on Lexa being able to also hunt and catch her own meals in addition to being able to cook it so deliciously.  


The sun was low in the sky, ready to touch the mountains soon. The dance party had taken a break for a while, people swapping in and out to eat, but now it was back up in full force.

She’d had repeated offers, pleadings for her to join, increasing as the evening went on and the empty beer bottles started to pile up.

“Come on, Clarke!” A blonde called to her from down by the water, waving with a smile. “You have to get in on this eventually!”

“Later!” she called back laughingly.

Niylah rolled her eyes (it had to be Niylah, she was the only blonde - it was the other brunettes that Clarke kept mixing up). “It _is_ later - what are you waiting for?”

“At least 2 more beers!”

Niylah giggled and shook her head. “I’ll be ready then!”

She ran back with playful leaps to join the others while Clarke sat back comfortably, rejoining the campfire conversation. She didn’t catch the slight frown on Lexa’s face because Lexa quickly swapped it for her usual light smile when Clarke met her eyes again.  


After a while, Clarke found herself drifting out of the conversation, warm and comfortable with the haze of the fire putting her in a sort of trance. Lexa had given her a blanket once the sun set, which Clarke was cozily wrapped in and the flames were pleasantly hot against her legs. The fresh beer in her hand was still cool.  


Even though the sun was well behind the mountains now, it was still light out. Everything was starting to turn that light purple/blue of twilight. She found herself looking out over the water and her gaze dropped down to several of the boats gathered nearby.

She focused in on one: Lexa’s. 

It was beached next to the tied off sleek jet boat that Lincoln brought her over in earlier. A striking comparison, the very expensive, modern boat next to an old, tiny thing that looked like it was made out of tin foil. It’d been freshly painted and was clearly well cared for, but it was so different from everything else she’d seen at Lexa’s campsite.  


The three of them had more gear combined, all brand new and really expensive looking, than even the Blakes (though not as many toys). Clarke hardly knew anything about outdoor equipment, but it was really nice looking and their camp was a far more polished and organized set up compared to her group’s ramshackle site. A dozen tents all lopsided and plopped together with a haphazard lean-to canopy they used for food storage and meals. Not much of a camp. Not like this one.  


No, this place looked like it was set up by professionals - with every gadget, tarp, and tent meticulously arranged. If there was a magazine for camp sites (there probably was, but Clarke had never seen one), this site would be featured on the cover for “aesthetic” alone.

Suddenly, Lexa’s voice was against her ear and Clarke just about melted into a puddle.  Her heart was racing in that kind of excitingly wonderful way that made the loss of control entirely worthwhile.  


“See something good?”

Clarke’s cheeks were just the slightest bit tinged with pink when she faced her. Lexa had pulled her wild hair back into a ponytail earlier and she was wearing a black and white plaid over her tank top now that the day was cooling off. She pulled on jean cut offs over the bathing suit bottoms Clarke had seen earlier and her feet were bare. 

_Fuck._

She was so…so terribly infatuated with this girl. Everything about her was just entrancing, enticing, and she wanted more. So much more.  


“I was looking at your boat actually.”

“Oh?” Lexa shrugged. “It’s just a rental. No sense in bringing mine up all this way, it’s too big.”

Clarke’s brow furrowed at that.  


One, Lexa _owned_ another boat?

Two, she _rented_ that little thing? Out of all the choices she had, she rented the one you could probably buy outright for $100?  


Clarke didn’t want to sound judgmental, because really she wasn’t judging - it was pure curiosity. “The blue one. You rented that?”  


Lexa’s eyes widened and there was a flash of something there that Clarke couldn’t quite pinpoint.

_Sadness? Pride? Melancholy?_

“Ah, I thought you were talking about the Yamaha.” She sat back in her chair with a sigh, fiddling with a bottle of beer in her hands. “No, the little one is mine.” She turned to Clarke with a lofty grin. “It’s a 14 footer, circa ‘60s aluminum rowboat that was converted. I just got a new 10 hp motor at the beginning of the summer for it. It’s been a dream. Perfect for fishing and exploring.”

_That would explain the pride._

Clarke groaned teasingly and pushed Lexa’s thigh. “Oh, no. You’re one of _those_.”

“Yes, yes,” Lexa grinned, “I’m definitely one of _those_. I suppose you better run while you can.”

Clarke eyed her carefully, a playful uptick of her mouth. “I think I can handle it.”

A unpleasant thought occurred to her, but Clarke pushed it away as best she could. Lexa was clearly a super outdoorsy girl. Clarke was… _not_. Outdoorsy for her meant the 26 block trek she had to make from her apartment in Park Slope to Trader Joes. 

Would Lexa even like her if she found out that Clarke wasn’t really into those things? 

Another glance at her and Clarke decided that she would just have to start being outdoorsy then. The alternative wasn’t an option.

Lexa smiled at her, but it wasn’t as toothy as her grin before, it was something much quieter and pensive.

“My uncle gave it to me when I was ten.”

“Ten?” Clarke echoed in disbelief. “Are you even allow–?”

“No. Most states don’t let you have a boating license until you’re fourteen, but he taught me everything I needed to know. It was…” She paused and the expression on her face told Clarke that there was far more to this than Lexa was ready to say. Eventually she sighed and continued, “...it was the best gift he could have given me.”

_There was the sadness._  


“He sounds like a great guy - your uncle.”

“Yeah, he and my aunt raised me. With my little brother.”

Clarke took note of that, storing it away in her memories, but sidestepped it. “You have a brother?”

Lexa’s dampened demeanor changed at that. She grew lighter again, smiling fondly. “Aden. He’s fourteen and an absolute klutz of a wrecking ball, teenage bull in a china shop. He’s the sweetest person I’ve ever known - with the kindest heart.”

Clarke tapped her own cheek before pointing at Lexa knowingly. “You worry about him.”

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. Clearly, Lexa didn’t expect Clarke to be that perceptive. It took her a moment to respond.

“I do. He’s…he’s…” She sighed. “People like him are the ones who get hurt the most.”

“They’re also stronger than the rest of us.”

Lexa leaned in a little closer, curious. “How so?”

“People who are able to keep their hearts open, stay kind and loving in a world like ours? With all the cruelty that makes the rest of us naturally react by building up walls to guard ourselves… We grow harder to adapt to our surroundings, but the people who don’t? They’re the bravest of us all. They face the harshness of this world head on and they don’t let it change them. If only we all could have that kind of strength.”

Lexa watched her wonderingly for a long moment. “You have one of those people in your life too.”

Not a question - a statement of fact.

Clarke swallowed thickly. This was starting to go somewhere she really wasn’t ready for.

“Yeah,” she said shortly, “my Dad.”

She didn’t say anything more and Lexa didn’t press it.

“How Aden managed to turn out the way he did…I’ll never know. But you’re right, he is stronger than me. It won’t stop me from worrying about him though.”

“You’re his big sister, it’s your job to worry.”

“I just can’t bear to see him hurt.”

“I bet he feels the same way about you.”

Lexa looked at her with such intensity that a stretch of silence fell between them. The others surrounding them had faded away long ago. It was only the two of them now with the crackling of the fire rising in Clarke's ears. The air pulsated between them with building electricity that grew to the point where it was almost unbearable.

Clarke broke it first. She turned away with a deep breath and forced a smile to try and keep things light.  


“You act like he’s so different from you, but you’re pretty sweet yourself - though I haven’t seen this ‘Commander’ they’ve told me about.”

Lexa didn’t seem bothered by the nickname. Clarke got the sense she that she embraced it.  


“Stick around,” Lexa shrugged, “maybe you’ll get to find out for yourself.”

Clarke took a sip of her beer and set it down before bracing her hand on Lexa’s leg and used it to push off of as she stood up, stretching. She skirted around their chairs and leaned down next to Lexa’s ear.

“Maybe I will,” she whispered huskily.  


Lexa didn’t move, but Clarke saw the way her throat bobbed and her hands tightened in response.  


“Time to give the people what they want,” she joked, bidding farewell to the others, and sauntered down to the water where the music was blasting and joined in dancing. They were clapping and cheering at her presence. Niylah seemed more excited than the rest.

Clarke was in a world of her own as she moved to the music and there was only one face that she could see, one voice that she could hear, and one name that she could never, ever forget.  


The broadest smile remained on her lips.  


Lexa kissed her later that night and the smile became a permanent fixture.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day Finn asked her if she wanted to do an early morning hike with him. He said they hadn’t spent much time together, just the two of them, in a long time. He missed her.  


But Clarke’s mind was so very far removed from Finn and her circle of delinquents.

* * *

She was still reliving last night as Lexa walked her down to the boats, taking the Yamaha because it had a bright spotlight to guide them. Usually, it was considered too dangerous to take boats out when it was that dark, but their campsites weren’t very far apart, and Lexa was pretty confident about it.

Clarke waited on the rocky shoreline, awkwardly fidgeting while she held a flashlight for Lexa to be able to see as she prepped the boat.

“Are you sure you’re okay doing this? It’s…it’s pretty dark. The moon isn’t even out tonight.”

Lexa was focused on her work, but she still reassured Clarke. “I know what I’m doing, I promise. We’ll go at a snail's pace and your place isn’t that far, there's just open water between us.”

“Yeah, well, it was open water where Octavia ran into the boulder too.”

Lexa turned back at that and approached Clarke, illuminated by the blinding flashlight. She winced at the harsh light in her eyes and pushed Clarke’s hands down since Clarke seemed to forget that she didn’t need to shine the light _directly_ in Lexa’s face.

“Sorry,” she muttered.

“Hey,” Lexa said softly, her hands curled gently around Clarke’s elbows. “I swear to you, it’s going to be okay. I won’t let you get hurt. You’re safe with me.”

Clarke tilted her chin up, feeling the pleasant fuzziness of a few beers that was just enough to let her usual inhibitions start to fade.

“You can’t make that kind of promise.”

Lexa’s grip on her tightened and her face seemed almost pained to hear Clarke say that. Instead of replying though, Lexa watched her for a long moment in the dark, shadows bouncing as the flashlight in Clarke’s hands illuminated the space between them even when it was pointed at the ground.

Then she leaned in and Clarke tasted Lexa’s lips for the very first time.

She prayed that it wouldn’t be the last.

Gentle, slow, there and then pulling away much too soon. Clarke dropped the flashlight in the sand and slipped her hand around Lexa’s neck, pulling her back in. Soft sighs, lips, gentle licks that soon grew more determined than exploratory, handfuls of hair, nipping, cupping cheeks, and then grasping at shoulders and waists and back, until they could breathe no more. They broke off desperately, just enough to lean their foreheads together, still wrapped in each other’s arms in the dark.

Both couldn’t find the words to speak.

Then they seemed to realize that they didn’t have to.

Reluctantly disentangling, they let each other go with another gentle kiss of reassurance.

_It’s not the last._

Lexa helped Clarke up onto the boat before pushing it out and lifting herself up as well. She saw that Clarke was sitting across from her and that felt too far.

Clarke was glad because it was too far for her too.

Lexa guided her to sit on the back of the Captain’s chair while she sat down and started the motor. She pulled Clarke’s arms around her shoulders, showing her how to hold on. Clarke embraced it greedily, opening her legs for Lexa to settle between as she wrapped her arms around her, nuzzling into the warmth at the crook of her neck. The soft flannel Lexa was wearing mixed with the softness of Lexa’s skin against Clarke’s cheek.

She let out a little contented sigh that she didn’t think Lexa heard over the motor, but Lexa tilted her head back slightly all the same, encouraging - hell, practically begging - Clarke to kiss her again. So she did. She pressed her lips to Lexa’s cheek and nosed her jaw affectionately. She dropped little kisses down her neck. Slow. Luxuriating in it. She even pulled the flannel aside so that she could have more of Lexa’s bare skin available for her mouth. 

Clarke could swear she felt Lexa tremble beneath her. It was a heady and thrilling thing to know that she was able to affect her like that. Because God knew what Lexa was doing to her. 

A puddle. A wreck. 

An absolute mess that was incapable of speech or thought - solely driven by the insatiable need to be close to her. To feel her.

Though Clarke was focused on all the ways she could get her hands on Lexa - Lexa remained hyper vigilant about their surroundings, her head on a swivel, going at a crawl through the water, standing on occasion. For Clarke, that just meant she would switch between holding her waist and holding her shoulders - it didn’t matter because, either way, Lexa was not allowed out of her arms for a single, solitary second before she had to be.

They arrived at a completely dark campsite where it seemed like all her friends were knocked out from their strenuous day on the river rapids. Lexa helped her off the boat and kissed her once more. She gave Clarke her flashlight and waited until she had made her up the rocky incline before getting back in and driving away. Clarke stopped where it grew level again and turned to watch Lexa leave. They kept eye contact for as long as they could before Lexa finally had to look away and focus on where she was going.  


They never said goodnight.

Clarke was glad they didn’t. They hadn’t made any plans for what would come next, but she didn’t give it a second thought. She knew that wasn’t the last she would see of Lexa. 

No goodnight meant no ending. 

Next time, they would just pick up right where they left off.

She’d never felt like this before. Never _craved_ someone like this. Never had such intensity with anyone, any partner, girlfriend or boyfriend. It should probably frighten her, but she was too giddy to feel anything else.  


* * *

So, no, Clarke wasn’t listening to Finn’s suggestions that morning on where he wanted them to go hiking. 

She wasn’t paying attention to the glares from Octavia at Finn’s attention to Clarke. 

Or even giving a single thought to the annoyance radiating from Wells.

No, she was thinking about last night. And Lexa’s eyes. And Lexa’s mouth. Lexa’s hands. How good Lexa smelled. How silky her hair was between her fingers as she gripped her tightly, pulling her against her lips again and again.  


_Hiking. Lexa would like that, right?_

Clarke could probably handle a light hike despite her complete lack of an exercise routine for the last ten years.  


“Earth to Clarke.”

She finally realized that Finn was still talking to her, waving a hand in front of her face to get her attention.

_Right._

“Um, I have plans actually,” she said.  


It wasn’t true at the moment, but it was _going_ to be true so it wasn’t a total lie…

“Plans?” he echoed, looking around at their friends in confusion. “No one’s decided on what we’re doing yet today.”

“Um…” Clarke tried to figure out how she was going to put this without giving the delinquents too much ammunition. “I actually made some new friends last night and I was thinking of hanging out with them today.”

There was some whooping and whistling from Raven, Miller, Monty and Jasper over by their picnic table.  


_So much for lack of ammunition_ , she groaned inwardly.

She’d forgotten how little it took for these people to grab hold of something and sprint through a full 26 mile marathon before Clarke got another word out.

“Our little Clarkey is getting laid already!” Raven cackled mirthfully.

“I bow to the Queen of vacations,” Monty said, putting his hands together with a mock nod of his head.

“ _Princess_!” Raven corrected him with a stern wag of her finger.  


Clarke’s cheeks burned.

Finn looked equally red, but far more miserable.

“How is it even possible that she managed to hook up with someone not even 48 hours into the trip?” Jasper grumbled. “That’s gotta be a record or something. Even Bell’s never managed that.”

“Watch your mouth,” Bellamy said sternly, turning up to Gina with an apologetic smile. She was perched on his knee while finishing her breakfast.

Gina shrugged. “What’s his record?” she asked, mouth full. “Bet I’ve beat it by a mile.”

That sent everyone into an uproar, laughing and cheering. Bellamy just gazed up at her in adoration.

Clarke was glad it took the attention off her, but it didn’t last long.

“So who _is_ the mystery lover, Clarke?” Miller asked. “You got back really late.”

“How would you know?” she threw back exasperatedly. “Your snores were practically echoing off the lake.”

That earned Miller some teasing and grumbling about the “foghorn next door”, Brian rubbed his back consolingly, but it wasn’t enough to deter the group from wanting an answer.

“Raven said you woke her up when you came in. It was like 2am.”

Raven nodded enthusiastically to confirm it.

“I met some people that are staying on one of the islands. It’s not a big deal. They invited me over since I was here by myself.”

There was a round of displeased calls, groans about her lame deflection, demands for details, but it was Gina who stopped them.

“Come on guys,” she said, putting down her bowl and settling back into Bellamy’s arms. “Leave Clarke alone. We’ll all see who it is soon enough.”

“How do you know that?” Octavia asked.

“Wait, I thought it was just a one off sort of thing?” Jasper blinked stupidly.

Monty gave him a look. “Dude, she literally just got through saying she was blowing us off to meet up with her new person.”

“No, but how do you know Clarke’s gonna let us see this person?” Harper asked. “She’s always so secretive about this sort of thing.”  


“What if she’s having a psychotic break and it’s imaginary people that she’s having sex with?” Murphy pondered aloud.  


Gina chuckled, ruffling Bellamy’s hair affectionately. “Hate to break it to you, Murphy," she said without looking at him, "but they’re not imaginary.”

He scoffed, putting a hand over his chest in mock offense. “And how would you know that?”

“Because there’s a really hot girl coming around the side right now.”

Clarke didn’t understand how her friends managed to have a faster reaction time than she did at the news, but the group was up like a shot, shoving and tripping over each other to get a look down at the water while Clarke was still sitting in her chair.

Zoe did a low wolf whistle while the rest took turns with an onslaught of comments.

“Damn!”

“Holy shit, that can’t be real.”

“How does Clarke _find_ these people?”

“Tat alert!”  


“I’m livid.”

“Ugh, hair goals.”

Clarke spared a glance at Finn who had retreated to another area of the site, far away from her, and she did feel a little twinge of guilt, but it wasn’t like they’d actually been anything or had plans to be anything. They’d flirted. Nothing more.

She strode past the group and nearly skipped down to the beach where Lexa was disembarking.

“Hi,” she said breathlessly, grinning ear to ear at the sight of her.

Last night was forever engraved in her memory. She didn’t know if there had ever been a better first kiss. First date. First whatever.

She was pretty sure there wasn’t.

“Hi,” Lexa replied, seeming a little shy. “Um,” she glanced behind Clarke, “they’re all kind of…staring…”

Clarke never took her eyes off her. “Ignore them.”

“If you say so.”

“HEY! PRETTY GIRL!” Raven had her hands cupped around her mouth as she unnecessarily shouted down at them. “WHAT’S YOUR NAME?”  


Clarke glared up at her friend in absolute disbelief and mortification.

“Lexa Woods,” she replied at a normal volume. “Thank you for the compliment.”

“You gonna woo our Princess today?”

“Yeah, wine and dine her on berries foraged in the mountains!”  


“Okay, you all need to shut up and go back to your regularly scheduled programming,” Clarke snapped.  


She turned back to Lexa sheepishly, but Lexa didn’t seem too affected by it.

“Actually, if you don’t mind,” she said to them, “I was going to ask Clarke to spend the day with me. If you can spare her.”

“WE CAN SPARE HER!” Murphy yelled from a distance, hidden somewhere in the woods, which caused a break out of laughter and jeers, but Lexa’s tone seemed to signal something to them that Clarke couldn’t.  


They dispersed, leaving the two girls to their own devices while going back to their normal chatter. Finn was nowhere to be seen. Wells went back with the others, but he was the last to turn away.

“Sorry about all of that,” Clarke mumbled, rubbing her forehead.

Lexa smirked. “You’ve got an interesting crew.”

“Interesting might be a little too mild a word, but sure we can use that for now. So, um, you said you wanted to hang out today?”

“Oh!” Lexa blushed as if she’d forgotten she’d said that at all. “Uh, yes, I do. I mean, I did.” She shook her head slightly, trying to get her bearings back. “I had a really good time last night.”

“Me too,” Clarke replied softly, heart already going wild at the memory and the way Lexa’s lips wrapped around the words.

Lexa smiled, almost as if she was relieved to hear it. “I was thinking we could go for a hike. If…you felt up to it? And if you don’t have already have plans, of course.”

“I was actually just thinking the same thing. It’s a beautiful morning for a hike.”

“Well, I have a trail in mind if you’re game.”

“I’ll follow your lead.” Clarke grinned. “But I’m going to warn you now, I might be kind of slow.”

“We can go at whatever pace you need,” she assured her quickly.

“Yeah?” Clarke bit her bottom lip.  


Lexa gave her a slow, single nod.  


“And if I…” she leaned in slightly, “wanted to go a little _faster_ , that would be okay too?”

Her hands were itching to reach out and take Lexa’s waist, but she held them at her side.  


Lexa was breathing a little harder now and she licked her lips nervously. “Whatever you want.”

Clarke’s gaze flickered from Lexa’s pouty lips to her eyes, memory ablaze with how they’d felt against hers, and she simply smiled. “Good to know. Give me a few minutes to get ready?”

“Sure,” Lexa replied breathlessly.

“You might want to go back out on the water and do a few circles - otherwise the animals up there are gonna pounce.”

She straightened her back slightly, squaring her shoulders. “I can handle myself.”

Clarke shook her head fondly. “All right, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

She didn’t think twice when she took Lexa’s hand and led her up the rocks onto the flatter campground, but she treasured every moment of the feeling of Lexa’s soft, warm hand in hers, the way Lexa squeezed ever so slightly in reassurance just before she had to let go.

A whole day with Lexa.

Clarke couldn’t wait.


	6. Chapter 6

When Clarke thought of hiking - she thought of a quick, perhaps a little strenuous at times, walk on a slight incline up a very small mountain.

Lexa’s idea of a hike was… _not that._

“8 miles?” Clarke nearly screeched before remembering that she was supposed to be outdoorsy now and schooled her features. “I mean, _hah_ , that’s…nothing…”

_She could have sworn she used to be a better liar..._   


Still, Lexa was slow to pick up on it. She drew her brow in concentration as she tried to come up with an alternative.  


“Oh, uh, well the one I’m thinking of has a really amazing view with an old ranger station at the summit which is pretty cool, but if you wanted a decent work out we could do the Blue Lake trail which is about 12 miles and the last bit involves a free climb up the rock face which is so mu–”

“No, no, no!” Clarke cried, waving her hands in a complete panic at hearing the number **12**. “8 is good. 8 is _great_. Let’s do this!”

Lexa tilted her head at her with a funny sort of squint. She was catching on now - a slow grin spreading across her face.

“You don’t hike very often, do you Clarke?”

“I mean, I’m not a professional or anything, but I’ve…I’ve done it before, sure.”

“ _Clarke._ ”

She caved. “Okay, like once, and it was only a mile long walk in the woods...round trip. Half a mile in, half a mile back.”

Lexa laughed delightedly and Clarke put her head in her hands shamefully.

“I think I know just where to go,” she said, touching Clarke’s knee reassuringly.

“The kiddie mountain?” Clarke grumbled, propping her chin up on her hand.  


Lexa rolled her eyes. “More like a scenic walk for people who admire nature.”

“You’re totally putting me on the ski bunny hill. This is humiliating.”  


“There’s a waterfall…” she teased.  


Clarke instantly lit up, all trace of disappointment gone. “Oooh, _really_? Is it big? Can we swim in it?”

“Did you even bring a bathing suit?”

“No, but what does that have to do with anything?”

Lexa blushed furiously, averting her gaze in a most pointed way.

Clarke grinned victoriously from ear to ear .  


_Yes! Round 1 to Griffin._

* * *

Two hours of hiking and comfortable silence later…

_Round 2 to Woods._

Clarke was embarrassingly out of breath, glistening with sweat, while Lexa still looked the same as she did before they started. She wasn’t the least bit affected!

“You’re really in shape…” she said with a huff.  


“Hiking is a hobby of mine.”

“Really? I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who’s said that before.”

Lexa tossed her a look over her shoulder. “You live in New York City.”

“True,” she conceded, “but aren’t you from D.C? That too is an urban metropolis.”

“It’s different and you know it. For some in NOVA, the outdoors is just a way of life.”

“NOVA?”  


“Northern Virginia,” Lexa clarified.

“So it’s fair to say you do this kind of thing year round instead of just a couple times in the summer while camping?”

Lexa laughed brightly. “Yes, it would be _fair_ to say that.”

Clarke paused before she tried her next question, just a little quieter than the others.  


"Do you…think you could be with someone who wasn’t like that?”

Lexa’s step faltered for a moment before she continued her even stride. “I…I think that would depend on the person,” she said carefully.

“Oh.”

Clarke’s stomach fell a little bit, doubts and disappointment working their way into her thoughts.

But she shouldn’t be thinking like this. It was girl she just met. It was a summer fling. Not even a full one. Just a vacation experiment.

As soon as she thought it, it felt so incredibly wrong. Her whole body shuddered in rejection.

_That’s not what this was. It just…it couldn’t be._   


The sounds of the forest filled the space between them for the next half an hour. Birds calling, leaves rustling, the wind over the treetops, the crunch of leaves and twigs beneath their feet. It wasn’t a bad silence, but Clarke was quickly being pressed with the realization that they had a clock on them and it’d started ticking down from the minute they met.   


Maybe this kind of being together would be okay if time was a luxury they could afford, with weeks and months of opportunities to be together, but they didn’t. They had two weeks. Actually, it was less than 12 days now.

_Tick tock._

* * *

The waterfall went much higher than Clarke imagined, with a massive rush of water cascading down into a deep rock pool. She stood before it with Lexa next to her, head tilted back in awe.

“It’s about 90 feet high,” Lexa said.

It was the first time she’d spoken in a while.

“It’s so cool, the way it runs off that slate edge.”

“Do you want to go up to the top? If you want to swim, that’s actually the best place to go.”

“The top?” Clarke echoed with a frown. “Why wouldn’t you want to be under the falls?”

“Well, one, the water pressure from that height is kind of crushing and unpleasant. Two, I’m pretty sure that pool is filled with leeches. Three,” she paused, looking a little flustered as she averted her gaze, “well, did you happen to notice the sign as we were hiking in?”

"No?”

“Um… _apparently_ they call it ‘the Nudist Pool’.”

Clarke laughed so hard she thought she’d cry. 

It wasn’t just what Lexa said, but the _look_ on her face when she said it. She was so embarrassed and it was the most adorable thing Clarke had ever seen.

“Well, someone certainly seems eager,” Clarke teased through her giggling.

“I wasn’t–!”

“Come on!” she cut her off, heading for the path that led up the side of the waterfall. “Are you gonna stand around all day or what?”

Lexa waited a few beats, stubborn and mortified, before finally following after Clarke.

* * *

Clarke didn’t take her clothes off and neither did Lexa, but they did remove their boots and sat at the pool’s edge with their feet in, water up to their knees. They were sitting close enough to each other that their shoulders were brushing every so slightly. It was a new form of delicious torture for Clarke - to have that kind of closeness without any real satisfying contact.

_Two days. You’ve known her two days._

The so-called ‘Nudist Pool’ was devoid of any actual nudists today. It was a wide, shallow stone pool accumulating right before where the water dropped off without much of a pull. You could see straight to the bottom and the way it reflected in the sunlight made the whole stretch look like it was lined with gold. She really understood why people felt so at ease to bathe naked here. 

Isolated, calm, flat rocks perfect for sunning yourself, high above the rest of the world, with the calming sound of water rushing down to hit the rocks below.

It was refreshingly cold and Clarke wasn’t opposed to skinny dipping in the Nudist Pool, especially with how sweaty and gross she felt, but it did seem to be just a tad too much for what was perhaps a second date.  


_Did the second night count as a first date?  
_

_Was this right now even considered a date?_

“We should talk,” Clarke said.

Lexa lifted an eyebrow. “You’re breaking up with me?”  


She shoved her lightly, chuckling. _“Not yet_.” _  
_

“Then what is it?”

Clarke sobered a little. “I like the silence thing, Lexa. It’s weird that I like it, but I really do. However, since we have 11 days and like 10 hours or something left to get to know each other, I think we should cut right to the chase. Normally, how it works is a slow trickle of information over weeks of dates, and phone calls, and text messages, and FaceTime - where we ease into the personal stuff that we would never tell each other right away. Right?”

Lexa nodded warily, still following her though.  


“The kind of things you’d only find out about the other person three months or six months in to a relationship. But I think we should just get it over with now. Tell each other our darkest secrets, our deepest dreams and desires, the ones that we wouldn’t tell anyone else - just get it over with now so we can skip to the even better parts.”

Lexa chuckled a bit incredulously. “That’s assuming I even wanted to date you.”  


It stung far more than she ever wanted to admit.   


Clarke’s mouth parted slightly and she swallowed back every ounce of hurt that one little sentence delivered. It was a sucker punch that left her sick to her stomach. She looked away trying to keep herself under control.  


“Wait! No, wow, I’m sorry.”   


Lexa’s hand was on her shoulder, but she sounded far away.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Clarke. That didn’t come out the way I meant it to. I was trying to make a joke and it sounded awful. I… _fuck_ …I didn’t mean that.”

Clarke tried to take, deep, even breaths. “What did you mean then?” she returned coolly.  


Lexa dropped her hand to Clarke’s thigh, unwillingly to let their physical contact go until she was sure she’d fixed her thoughtlessness.

“I…I don’t know what this is. I just know that the more I’m around you, the more I want. It’s been less than three days and I just…I’m not sure what to do.”  


“What to do about what?”

“About…” Lexa swallowed thickly, “what I feel when I’m with you.”

Clarke could feel herself slowly unfurling from the ball of pain she’d been in as Lexa went on. Forgiving her. Letting herself drop her guard once again, just a little bit.   


“And what’s that?”

“I think you know.”

“I do?”

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, “I think you feel the same way.”

“I think you’re right.”

A few moments of silence fell between them, Lexa’s hand was still on Clarke’s thigh, tracing small circles as her mind surely spun in the same way.

“So…our big bad secrets, hm?” Lexa tried. “If we’d been dating for half a year by now, what would I know about you?”

“You first.”

Lexa sighed, resting her hands in her own lap again. She knew she had to bite the bullet and show Clarke that she really meant this. So she took a deep, stabilizing breath before letting the floodgates open.   


“My parents passed away when I was ten. Aden was less than a year old. My Mom had just opened a sporting goods store with her brother, my Uncle Gustus. They were starting to get really successful when the accident happened. Gustus and Indra took us in, raised us. I met Anya and Lincoln through a support group that they made me go to. I hated every second of it, but so did Anya and Lincoln. We bonded over our mutual hatred and…I guess it ended up doing what it was supposed to after all because we’ve been best friends ever since. I don’t know what I would have done without them.”

Lexa brushed a small leaf off her shirt and pulled her long, dark curls to one side, letting it fall over her shoulder.  


“Mom left her half of the business to us, Aden and me. We’ve been fortunate with money due to the store’s success. Uncle Gustus has been preparing me for years to be able to take over one day, maybe even buy him out. We have different ideas for the future though. I want to open more stores, but he wants to stay one and local. I believe we can be so much bigger and so much better. We could carryover our unique wealth of knowledge, our careful selection of employees who serve both as salespeople and educators. We have an amazing selection of goods that range from commercially affordable to the truly high end. We don’t let just any brand into our store, only the ones we trust ourselves. We have the right equipment and we teach you how to use it. We even offer courses. Our brand promise is that you never leave our store feeling unsure about what you’ve bought or not knowing how to use it.”

Lexa rubbed her neck, tilting her head back with her eyes closed to let the sun warm her face.  


“I wasn’t always into the idea of taking over the business. There were a few years in college where I flat out refused. I played soccer back then, won a full ride to Chapel Hill actually. It was some of the best times of my life and I thought that was going to be it, my passion, my dream, until a careless challenge blew out my knee.”

She shrugged.

“By the time I was healed enough to start rehab training, and get back to the level I was at, I was already enrolled to get my MBA. I was with my ex for three years in college, all through the student athlete years. She loved that life with me, but when I got hurt and decided I wanted something different for my career, it was the end for us. She thought I was turning my back on my dreams, but the reality was the quite the opposite. I realized that she was never going to be able to understand me - that she never really did. I’ve accepted what’s been asked of me, what my mother wanted for me, and I’m going to do what’s right for my family, but I’m going to do it my way and I’ll do it even better than they did. It took me a long time to get here, but I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished so far and I’m excited for the future.”

Lexa exhaled harshly, finished, then her eyes widened as she seemed to realize that she had actually just said all of that _out loud_. Trembling slightly, she sat back, leaning on her hands, and tried to appear as casual as possible. She couldn’t quite bring herself to make eye contact yet.  


But Clarke could only stare.

“Well…” she said with a slight quiver in her voice that hadn’t been there before, “isn’t it your turn now?”

Still nothing.

“Clarke?”

“You played soccer?” she blurted dumbly.

Lexa looked at her like she’d just sprouted three heads. “Out of all of that… _soccer_ is what stuck out to you?”

Clarke was still in shock. It was the one thing she managed to latch onto.  


“I’ve never understood the appeal of soccer. It seems kind of boring.”

Lexa groaned, a little exasperated, but she let Clarke have it. “Ever play chess?”

“All the time.”

_With Wells. With Dad._

“It’s like that, only way more physical. It’s a game of strategy, you set up your attack, set your pieces, try to slate a way in to defeat the Queen, or in this case, the Keeper. And you always have to be defensive minded, the attack can’t rule your entire strategy. Maybe it’s fun to try in chess, but hardly a reality to sacrifice your players like that in real life.”  


“I bet you looked good on the field.”

“I was incredible on the field,” Lexa corrected her, “and off.”  


Clarke laughed softly, the stupor starting to wear off. She just didn’t expect…

_God, she just didn’t expect anything about Lexa._

_Instead she continued to be amazed._

“I’m so sorry about your parents.”

“I am too.”

“That why the dinghy means so much to you? You said your Uncle gave it to you…”

Lexa nodded, surprised that Clarke remembered. “It wasn’t long after they were gone. He took me out on the river one day. Showed it to me, told me how it was my Mom’s. She used it when she was young - every summer at their mountain house in Virginia. It was a part of some of his best memories of her. He wanted me to be able to share that and I’ve…I’ve never treasured something more.”

She ran her fingers through her hair, sinking into some memory that Clarke could only see on her face.  


“I spent…hours upon hours away from everyone, riding by myself, exploring, and sometimes I just sat in it. Let it drift while I dreamed, cried, missed them, worried about my brother, thought about how he would never know them, and he wouldn’t get to have a single memory. I mourned that loss for him. Lincoln and Anya were my rocks, but Uncle Gustus…I would do anything for that man. He brought me back to life, showed me a purpose, and he gave me a part of my mother that I will _never_ lose.”

Clarke dissolved into tears. She just couldn’t hold it back anymore. It wasn’t until Lexa had wrapped her arms around her, murmuring soothing words, that she realized she wasn’t just crying, she was outright _sobbing_.

When the tears eventually slowed and her heart returned to normal, her breath hitching every now and again, Lexa rubbed her arm and kissed the side of her head.  


“Tell me.”

She wasn’t asking for it or demanding. It was simple. Calm. Knowing.

_Maybe she already knew the answer._   


“I lost my Dad last year.”

“Oh, _Clarke_ …” she whispered.  


She lifted herself out of Lexa’s arms, steadying herself, and then it all came tumbling out. Things she refused to talk about with her friends, with her mother even. Things she wouldn’t even let herself think about, just buried it deep, and ignored them until eventually they grew quieter. Lexa was about to have Clarke raw and torn open. They both knew it.

“It was sudden. One day he was here, the next he wasn’t. I dropped out of medical school. I lost it. I went down the rabbit hole and off the grid. Living on people’s couches, never sober for a single moment if I could help it. I just lived like crack addict without the actual crack - in squalor for like two months until Wells came after me and, literally, dragged my ass home to my Mom. Raven was there for me through the absolute worst of it. I couldn’t…I just couldn’t handle it… I broke. My Dad was my best friend in this world. He knew me so well. He supported me when I said I was going to follow in Mom’s footsteps and be a surgeon, but I knew he didn’t want that for me. He thought I should be an artist, follow my heart that way. I did love medicine, but he knew… _he knew_.”

She blew out a breath, wiping her eyes.

“My Mom always said it was foolish and impractical to try and make a career out of being an artist. She and my Dad clashed hard on that, but I made my decision and he was there with me for every step of it. After he was gone though…I couldn’t bear to do it another day. My mom was so disappointed in me, but it felt like I was betraying him by continuing on that path that he never truly believed would make me happy. I eventually enrolled in art school, but it wasn’t for me, and I dropped out of that too. So now I’m a pathetic loser with no career and no direction in life. I’ve never had a long term relationship. In fact, I don’t think anything has ever lasted longer than three months. There’s always been a shelf life and I would know it from day one.”

She shook her head in disbelief at herself.

“This all pales in comparison to the incredible… _incredible_ things you just shared with me and I can’t believe fell apart on you like that. I had no right to. You’ve been through _so_ much worse–”

“Clarke, this isn’t a competition,” Lexa said, somewhat incredulously. “It’s fair to say we’ve both been through some things.”

“Still, you shouldn’t have had to deal with taking care of me when–”

“I want to take care of you.”

“I’m not very good at letting people do that.”

“First time for everything.”

Clarke sighed. Lexa’s stubbornness was matching her own. That was either a good thing or a very, very bad sign of things to come.  


“Do you remember them well? Your parents?”

“Not the way I wish I could.” She swallowed thickly. “I know what it’s like to lose someone like that, Clarke. I lost two. And it’s going to be hard to believe that this could be considered a good thing, but you had a long time with him. Not as long as you should have, but you lived through so many milestones with him there. Those memories are going to last you a lifetime while my few fade with each passing year.”

“Are you afraid?” she whispered.  


“That I’ll forget?” Lexa’s voice was shaking. She lowered her chin in a single, slow nod. “I pray that day never comes.”

“I’m afraid too, but…you’re right. I had him for 23 years.”

“Those years are a gift, no matter how short they feel.”

“They feel like a minute…” she said bitterly, “a single, paltry, _minute_.”

“Yes…they do.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Clarke shook her head, scrubbing her face harshly. She felt like she’d been ripped apart and then stitched back together poorly. “I highly doubt this is what you were expecting when you came over this morning.”

“You could say that again,” Lexa chuckled, “but you have nothing to be sorry for.” Her voice softened as she met Clarke’s gaze. “I wouldn’t change it for anything.”  


Clarke’s eyes welled up again, but the tears weren’t for her father this time.

“Thank you for letting me in,” she murmured.  


“I trust you, Clarke.”

“There’s something here, isn’t there?” she asked weakly, feeling battered and bruised, but still lighter somehow. “Something real?”

“Between us?”

Clarke nodded.

“I don’t know what else could be more real,” Lexa said in not much more than a whisper.

She cupped Lexa’s face in her hands, caressing her cheeks with the pads of her thumbs, studying her - this Goddess of the Forest.   


Lexa was the one who leaned in the rest of the way. It was gentle and healing. Clarke could have stayed there by the golden pool in the warm sunlight kissing Lexa forever.


	7. Chapter 7

Clarke was exhausted. It was late afternoon, but she felt she’d been through a month long boot camp. She certainly had the bruises to show for it.  
  
The hike wasn’t to blame. It actually felt really good to exercise like that - after she got over the whole gross and sweaty thing. She felt much stronger on the way back than she had going in.  
  
No, this was psychological exhaustion. Which was also manifesting as physical. Clarke and Lexa had ripped themselves open, baring their most hidden and vulnerable parts to each other. It was freeing, terrifying, and utterly exhausting.  
  
They were back at Lexa’s camp or what Clarke was now referring to as ‘Lexa’s Island’. Anya and Lincoln weren't there - they had gone on a day trip up the jetty in their kayaks, which reminded Clarke of how Lexa had chosen to spend time with her instead of going with her best friends. It felt different to have Lexa turn them down than for Clarke to skip the delinquents, more poignant, because now she knew what it was that tied them together.  
  
She was going to have to make time for her friends at some point – she could already feel the guilt trip about to rain down on her from Raven and Wells while Bellamy would just be sulky – but she also needed to make sure that Lexa knew it was okay to separate from Clarke to be with Anya and Lincoln. She wouldn’t take it personally.  
  
“Which one’s yours?” Clarke asked, referring to the two tents sitting across from each other, not too far from the fire pit.  
  
“Neither.”  
  
Lexa took Clarke’s hand and walked right past all of it, heading down a little worn trail into the thicket of trees.  
  
“Um, you don’t use a tent?” Clarke asked, confused, looking back at the vanishing site as they walked further through the mini forest across the small island.  
  
“As much as I care about my friends, I also really enjoy sleeping. Their dusk to dawn habits tend to get in the way of that.”

A two minutes later (not even), they had crossed the whole island and were standing in a completely separate camp that Lexa set up for herself. It opened right up with a beautiful view of the opposite side of the lake from what Anya and Lincoln had.  


“You don’t get a little weirded out being here alone at night?” Clarke asked as they set down their backpacks.  


She shook her head. “It’s one of my favorite times.”

“I think I’d get way too spooked.”

“Good thing you’d have me with you.”  


“Would I?”

Lexa just smiled and Clarke felt like she was glowing from the inside out.

“Wanna go for a swim?”

“Sadly, I am still lacking a bathing suit.”

“You can borrow one of mine,” she said automatically and then paused as the same thought hit both of them.

Lexa winced, the tips of her ears turning crimson, while Clarke was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

It was quite obvious that any bathing suit Lexa owned would not be able to…contain…Clarke’s _voluptuousness_. She might as well not wear anything at all.

“I didn’t–”

“That’s twice in one day, Lexa,” Clarke teased mercilessly. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think your intentions were less than chivalrous…”

“Maybe they’re not.”

This time it was Clarke who blushed.

* * *

They did go swimming, but Clarke just shed her clothes and went in her sports bra and underwear. She was already unclothed and headed for the water before she looked back at Lexa for a moment.  


“Unless there are any objections?“

Lexa’s heated gaze raked over her in admiration and her voice came out a little hoarse. “ _None_.”  


Clarke turned back, smirking to herself, and ran into into the cool water, ducking under quickly before she surfaced with a relieved gasp at how good it felt. Lexa joined her a few minutes later after she’d changed into a simple black bikini. Unfortunately, Clarke wasn’t given any time to admire her. All she got was a quick flash before Lexa dove in beside her.  


They swam around leisurely for a while, laughing and talking, until Clarke was hit with another wave of exhaustion. She found the perfect spot to lie out - which was on a warm, flat rock, nearly level with the water, only a few inches above the surface. The sun was so strong that she was almost completely dry again in mere minutes. She was so drowsy, she dozed in between little snippets of conversation. Lexa was still happily floating around, treading water, and swimming while Clarke bathed in the sun.

“I’m glad you had us talk like that.”  


“Really?” Clarke turned her head to the side, blinking her eyes open to see Lexa swimming closer.

“I don’t think I would have felt safe enough to do that with anyone else and I can feel the difference already. All those things we would have had to tip toe around, remember how much we’ve said and then making sure we don’t say too much, too quickly. It’s just easier knowing that the hardest part is over and now I get to find out all the fun little things about you without worrying about the rest.”  


“That’s what I was hoping for," Clarke sighed, "and I’m glad it worked, but honestly? I…I was worried I might have ruined it. Gone too far, you know?”

Lexa was quiet for a moment, seeming to think it over.  


“You took a calculated risk,” she said slowly, carefully, “but it paid off in the end.”

Clarke gave her a funny look.

“What?”

She shrugged, wrinkling her nose. “I like the way you talk.”  


Lexa swam right up to her, lifting herself up enough to meet Clarke’s lips for a sweet kiss before she fell back into the water.

Clarke grinned lazily, biting her lower lip as Lexa drifted further away again.

“Your lips are cold.”

“Yours are warm.”

* * *

Lexa joined her eventually and they laid out in the hot afternoon sun together - mostly quiet. Clarke let her hand brush the back of Lexa’s and then their fingers were lacing and unlacing, brushes and tender lines being traced, palms explored, and after a while, Clarke couldn’t resist, she brought their linked hands up to her lips before Lexa took over and rested both their hands on her stomach.

And, _oh yes_ , she had abs _._

Clarke was trying not to make her new fixation obvious when Lexa broke the silence.

“I have to admit, I got the impression that you were involved with one of the guys I saw when I brought you back after the accident.”  
  
“Who? Finn?” Clarke replied distractedly, eyes flickering down over Lexa’s tan, lithe body. The curve of her breasts…those abs…the swell of her hips…those long, long legs… “No. Ah, I mean, _full disclosure_ , we have a flirting history, but it’s never been anything more.”  
  
“Finn?” Lexa frowned. “I was sure you called him Wells, but then again, you were pretty out of it…”  
  
“Wells?” Clarke echoed with a laugh. “No way. Childhood friend. He’s been with me through thick and thin.”  
  
“Nothing there?” she pressed lightly. “Not ever?”  
  
Clarke exhaled, feeling that little twinge of oh so familiar sadness.

“Not for me, but Wells…he never really said it, but he didn’t have to. I didn’t know what to do about it without ruining our friendship so I just pretended like it didn’t exist. We eventually went to different colleges and he met someone there, fell in love with her. That’s what really helped our friendship the most - kind of solidified it. Once he realized he actually _could_ love someone other than me…it was good."  
  
"Your ego wasn’t bruised?” she teased.  
  
Clarke chuckled. “Maybe a tiny, _little_ , selfish part of me didn’t want to let that attention go, but truthfully I was really happy for him. I was happy for both of us. I can understand what might have given you that impression though. He’s never really let go of that protective factor. It’s not possessive, but just really…intense sometimes? That’s kind of ingrained in him now and I…I like it. I like knowing that about him. I may not show my feelings in the same way, but I’d lay my life down for Wells. I would for all my friends. Except Murphy.”  
  
Lexa laughed. “I’m glad you have such good friends.”

Clarke turned on her side slightly, still very…very aware of how Lexa was holding their hands together on her lean stomach.

“So…now that we’ve technically moved to advanced stages of dating…”

“I believe you said six months?”

“Yeah,” Clarke breathed with a smile. “Six months. So, uh, since we’ve been together, by our technical, scientific reasoning, for six months, that means that it would be okay to do this?”

She shifted until she was pressed against Lexa’s side, their sun warmed skin coming into contact, making them both gasp a little, hearts beating faster.  


“Yes…that would be perfectly normal. If not…expected.”

“And…” Clarke let go of her hand in favor of splaying her palm across the planes of the Lexa’s stomach.

_She felt so good…_

“This would be normal too?”

Lexa only nodded, her gaze locked on Clarke.

“So…cuddling.” Clarke curled into her, tentatively sliding one of her bare legs over Lexa’s as she rested her head on her shoulder. “We’ve done this a million times.”  


Lexa’s breathy little chuckle did things to Clarke… There was a tell tale throb between her thighs.

“Sure. Just a million and one.”  
  
Clarke had only started it with the hopes of getting closer to Lexa, physically being in contact with her, but Lexa had a much better idea.  


She touched Clarke’s cheek, urging her up, so their lips could meet. 

It wasn’t long before she found herself half on top of a near naked Lexa, kissing with such urgency and neediness, punctuated with roaming hands and small gasps, a tiny moan that Clarke didn’t know if it came from her or from Lexa, but it didn’t matter. She was reaching for the ties around Lexa’s neck to release her bikini halter, wholly forgetting where they were, when loud hooting and hollering from somewhere startlingly close by, had her jerk up as if electrified.  


Breathing hard, Clarke froze with her head towards the noises. Anya and Lincoln were there, clapping and taunting them good naturedly from their kayaks. They were a mere ten feet out on the water and, apparently, back from their day trip.  


“Yes, Lexa!” Anya cried. “It’s about damn time!”

“Sorry, ladies,” Lincoln teased, “did we interrupt something? Something kind of _public_ and out in the _open_ for _anyone_ on the water to see?”

“We’ve talked about this, Lexa,” Anya shook her head in faux consternation. “If you’re going to put on a show, always, always, charge admission. Have you learned nothing from me all these years?”

Clarke was still shell shocked from being so rudely and jarringly broken out of her Lexa-induced haze. She was frozen in place, half on top of Lexa, mid-motion trying to get off her.

Lexa, however, was severely unimpressed with her friends antics, and she silently, glaringly, pointed at the other end of the island. Anya and Lincoln sobered rather quickly and started paddling away. Well, Lincoln immediately started paddling. Anya rolled her eyes and said, “Don’t forget, it’s dinnertime, Commander.”

But then she was quickly paddling away too.

Lexa waited a few moments until they were out of earshot before she looked up at Clarke worriedly.

“I’m sorry about that…”

Clarke shook her head, finally figuring out how to make her limbs work again, and moved off of Lexa. They both sat up - legs and arms pressed against each other still.

“That was nothing. I cringe to think of what would have happened if it’d been my crowd that caught us.”

“They didn’t mean to…to make you feel uncomfortable, you know. It comes from a good pla–”

“Oh, I know,” Clarke sighed, a little annoyed with herself for reacting so strongly and giving Lexa the wrong impression. “It’s not like that.”  


She wasn’t embarrassed at being caught or for anything they were doing. Hell, they could have seen Clarke mid-orgasm and she still wouldn’t care that much because it would have been mid-orgasm with _Lexa_.

What had really shaken her, what had made her react like a deer in headlights, gaping and speechless, was just how lost to the world she’d been in that moment. Everything else had fallen away. There was nothing and no one, but Lexa. 

Lexa’s lips, Lexa’s moans, Lexa’s skin, Lexa’s hands.  


_Lexa. Lexa. Lexa._

She’d never been so fully immersed in someone like that.

A little lost, sure. Dazed and confused, yeah. But never so completely, wholly, body and mind and soul _consumed_ by another person.

“What is it then?” Lexa asked gently. “You’re shaking.”  


“I’m cold.”

“ _Clarke_.”

“They surprised me.”

_You surprise me. Even when there shouldn’t really be any surprises left._

“That’s all?”

“I don’t suppose there’s any chance we could ignore them?“ she asked, not so subtly ducking the question.

Lexa shook her head dolefully. "If I don’t go help them with dinner, they’ll be storming over here any minute to harass us again.”

“I don’t know about that, _Commander_ ,” she teased, starting to regain her footing again. “You seemed to have that under control.”

Lexa smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. She was still worried. Clarke leaned in and kissed her until the furrowed brow smoothed away, the tension in her body released, and she melted into her.

Breathless and quiet, with foreheads pressed together, they found peace again. 

“Hungry?” Lexa asked.  
  
“Something like that.” 


	8. Chapter 8

Clarke was full, feeling delightfully warm and drowsy. She was pressed against Lexa’s side, head resting on her shoulder, feeling like she could nod off at any second, while Lexa was deep in conversation with Lincoln. Anya was on a lounge chair peacefully smoking a blunt as the sun set before them, halfway behind the mountains already.  


Lexa was calling her name. Clarke looked up with a yawn, blinking. Lincoln was gone, the fire had been stoked up, and Anya was playing with some emergency glow lights. She must have nodded off after all.

“It’s late, you’re tired,” Lexa said softly, only for Clarke to hear. “You want me to take you back to your camp?”

“I’m fine for a little longer,” Clarke mumbled, nuzzling into the soft collar of Lexa’s flannel.

A pause. A little fidgeting.  


“You could stay here tonight.”

Clarke stilled.

“To sleep,” Lexa quickly reassured her. “Whatever you want, I just thought…you should know it was an option.”

“Options are good.”

They fell silent for a few moments more, the fire crackled and popped. Anya was facing away from them, but Clarke could see the sticks glowing green against the purple twilight. Lincoln was still missing.

“Your heart is beating really fast,” Lexa murmured.

“It’s become a regular thing around you.”

“You don’t have to stay, Clarke. I didn’t mean to–”

“I want to,” she admitted quietly. “I just…can’t. Not tonight. I have to go back to my friends. They’ll flip if I disappear for another night when we’re in the wilderness. Well...some of them will, the others won’t even notice.”

Lexa nodded. “We should go now then.”

“Right now?”   


She couldn’t hide the disappointment.  


“Before it gets too dark. It’s best to avoid boating at night whenever possible.”

“Oh.”

“Clarke?”

“I’m…I’m just really comfy.”

* * *

She regretted her decision a thousand times and then convinced herself it was the right decision a thousand times more.

It wasn’t just her friends’ concern that kept her from accepting Lexa’s invitation.  


It was really about what she felt earlier, when Anya and Lincoln interrupted them… Being with Lexa was intense. Incredible. Deliriously exciting.   


But… _intense_.   


There really was such a thing as moving too fast. Her heartbeat ramped up every time around Lexa - from just the slightest touch or even a certain _look_. Constantly wondering if that would be the moment, what would come next, how much she wanted her, but how strangely nervous she was to let it happen.

Clarke was hardly inexperienced. One night stands and short term relationships were her specialty. In theory, she’d been studying for this exam for years.

But this was different.

It was terrifyingly different.

“I should spend time with them tomorrow,” Clarke said as she traced her fingers over Lexa’s knees. They were leaning into each other, foreheads almost touching, breathing into each other’s space, not ready to let the bubble burst for the night.  


Lexa nodded, not disappointed, but…something.  


“I was the one who pushed for this trip,” she explained, “and for me to just keep blowing them off… It’s not fair. I asked for us to spend time together. I didn’t expect…I didn’t expect _you_.”

“It’s okay, Clarke.” She gave her a half smile. “Don’t apologize. We have time.”

“Not really…” she muttered.

“It’s–”  


“Come hang out with us,” Clarke said suddenly, grasping the lapels of Lexa’s open shirt, pulling her until their noses touched and their lips were were inches apart. “Tomorrow. Bring Anya and Lincoln.” She tugged on her pointedly. “We’ll all find a way to hang out and things to do. I mean, I understand if you would rather–”

“I’ll be there.”  


Clarke didn’t expect it to be that easy. She blinked, taken aback.

“You will?”

“Of course. We’ll have fun. Even if Anya and Lincoln decide to do somethin–”

“No.” Clarke cut her off firmly, still clutching Lexa’s shirt, as if she was afraid to let go. “Stay with them. If you guys have made plans, keep them. I know how important they are to you. Way more important than any…fling or whatever, okay?”

Lexa pulled away as if she’d been struck, forcing Clarke to let go of her. She wanted to take back the words as soon as she said them. It didn’t seem to hurt Lexa as much as it did offend her, not from her facial expression, but Clarke _knew_ that it was deeper than that.

“Is that how you feel?” she asked sharply. “That this is a… _fling_?” Her face was hard and her jaw shifted under the tension.  


Clarke swallowed thickly. “No.”

She hated how weak she sounded.  


“Then don’t say that again.”

_Cold and harsh._  


_The Commander._

But then Lexa dropped her head slightly, recovering from the initial sting that put her on guard.

“Please,” she entreated gently, far more vulnerable and warm. She sounded like Lexa again. “If that’s not how you feel then don’t say it because…that’s not what this is to me.”

Clarke could only nod. Her throat felt like there was a stone in it, she was having trouble swallowing. She couldn’t find the words or even be able to say them if she did. So she kissed her instead.

* * *

As predicted, Clarke had a few angry campers waiting for her.   


Hurt, actually, but plenty of anger too.

“You left at like 10am!” Wells said, nostrils flaring as he sat at the picnic table with his arms crossed firmly. “Just took off with some random girl, mentioning a hike, then you’re gone all day, you miss dinner, and you come back after dark? We are in the middle of _nowhere_! What the hell, Clarke? It’s not like you to be so irresponsible.”

“Chill, Wells. I told you that I was going to be gone for a while. We’re all adults here and it’s a vacation! I can do what I want.”  


“Are you kidding me?” Raven snapped. “You were the one who insisted on this trip!”  


Clarke groaned, knowing she was right.  


“All that talk about _bonding_ , how it would help being forced to be together with nowhere else to go, so that’s why we didn’t go to sunny and tequila-filled Cancun like I wanted!”

“Or Thailand,” Octavia added mildly.

“Italy!” Bellamy chimed in from across the fire with a pointed look.

“Colorado,” Jasper threw out, which made everyone (except Monty) look at him strangely. “Legalized marijuana, people. Hello?”

“You know, you should maybe try to broaden your horizons a bit,” Harper said. “Why not Amsterdam? You get stoned and cultured. It’s a win-win.”

Monty stared at her in wonder. “You have the most awesome brain…”  


Raven hadn’t taken her eyes off Clarke for a single moment. “You’re being that person.”  


“Come on, I–”

“Dropping everyone in your life, all your friends, for an exciting new hook up. Just expecting that everyone will wait until you decide you’ve had enough and you come strolling back in like nothing ever happened.”

“You are totally overreacting!” Clarke shot back incredulously.

“She’s right, Clarke,” Wells said sourly. “This isn’t like you. Why are you letting someone you just met change you like this?”

“It’s been _three days_!” she cried in disbelief. “What the fuck is wrong with you guys? I never… _never_ ask for anything for myself. I made sure we did this trip because all of YOU kept complaining that we never had time for each other anymore.”

She turned around, glaring at the group pointedly.   


“So _I_ planned this. _I_ made sure it worked with everyone’s schedule, within everyone’s budget, and within everyone’s limitations. I did this for you! And now just because I met someone, someone I feel a connection with, the kind that _all_ of you have gotten to feel over and over again, but not me! Not like this! And now you’re going to what? Lynch me?”

She scoffed harshly.

“You can all go to hell!”

“What’d I do now?” Murphy asked placidly, chomping on an apple as he walked back into the campsite, still buttoning his jeans up. “I go take a piss and suddenly Princess is back and telling me to go hell? I thought we’d evolved beyond this stage.”

“Shut up, Murphy.” Zoe shoved him lightly with a shake of her head in warning.  


“I told Lexa that I wanted to spend the day with you guys tomorrow. With my _friends_ ,” she said scathingly. “I asked her to come here so we could all be together.”

“Don’t do us any favors,” Wells scoffed.

“We don’t need your pity,” Raven agreed bitterly. “If that’s how you feel about your friends then no one wants you here.”

Wells didn’t like that. Neither did Bellamy.   


But Finn got there before them.

“Raven’s right, Clarke. You’re acting like we’re your pets and you’re just throwing us a bone. _Deigning_ to spend a few hours having fun with your friends? Like it’s some gift you’re bestowing on the little people? Who the hell do you think you are?”

It was clear that he was drunk, likely high as well if Monty and Jasper had anything to say about it.

“So go fuck around with your new little girlfriend, your highness. Don’t worry about us peasants. Who gives a shit? You’ve shown your true self.”

“Finn, dude,” Miller stepped up to him with wide eyes of warning, “I think she gets it, okay?”

“Oh, you’re gonna defend her? Defend the bitch who thinks she’s too good for the rest of us?”

“Whoa, whoa!”

A chorus of protestations rose up from the group and it became a shouting match between Finn and the rest of them, with Jasper trying to stay in between and defend him.

“He doesn’t know what he’s saying! He overdid it. Come on…”

“That doesn’t give him the right to talk to her like that!” Gina snapped. “What the fuck, Collins?”   


“Walk it off!”

“Go fuck yourself!”

“Walk away before something happens that we’ll regret.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Stop it. All of you.”

“Is that a THREAT? Fucking try me!”

“Fuck you, man! Don’t talk to her like that!”

Clarke slipped away from the melee, leaving them to deal with the angry drunk Finn, while she walked off her own sober anger. She went into the woods, letting the shouting voices from the camp dim and fade away behind her as she went further into the dark.

* * *

She’d only been walking for a few minutes before someone called out to her quietly.  


She didn’t want to turn around, but it felt too petty and childish not to.

Wells was standing there, holding a sweatshirt out to her. That’s when she realized she’d been hugging herself pretty tightly against the cold.

She took it with a small nod of thanks, but Wells wasn’t getting off so easily. He sided with Raven. He seemed to know that and took a deep breath before stepping closer.

“I’m sorry we ganged up on you back there.”

She scoffed, pulling the sweatshirt on.  


_Understatement._

“You know why, right?”  


“Because you’re all a bunch of selfish, ungrateful assholes?”

Wells rolled his eyes. “No… It’s because, like it or not, you’re the glue, Clarke. You’re the one everyone looks to. You’re the reason why we’ve all made it this far together. You really think that if it wasn’t for you, we’d all still be in touch? Much less, friends? Not a chance. You keep us grounded. Our fearless leader.”   


He gave her that smile she’d known her whole life. His bright, white, boyishly charming, smile. Something in her responded so instinctively to it. She had to smile back, some the anger dissipating, the tension in her shoulders releasing.

“You’ve made yourself so integral to the dynamics of this group, Clarke. When you’re not here, it feels different. It’s not like we’re helpless or anything, but when you’re gone we _feel_ it way more than we would if it was anyone else. Today was weird. People were off, attitudes were different. No one could decide on a plan. Everyone was going in a different direction."  


"You can't put that on me. It's not my responsibility to--"

"I know. I really do, Clarke. It's just something we've gotten used to and tonight, all of _that_ ," he gestured behind him towards the camp, "made me realize that it's a pretty bad habit we have to break."

He sighed, tucking his hands into his pockets.

“Last year…when you vanished…”

Clarke looked away. She didn’t need this tonight.

“It was our turn to step up for you.”

“You did.”  


“But even when you were going through something as terrible as you have, Clarke, you were still _there_. You were still _with_ us. And it was still _you_ that brought us together. You to fight for. You to help. You to support. It’s been way too much on your shoulders and I’m sorry.” He shrugged uselessly. “I’m sorry for letting myself get sucked into it. Hearing Finn just now," he shook his head in disgust, "it was like someone was holding up a mirror."  


“Wells…”

“You stepped up. You did something for this group that no one else could, but now you’re stuck with consequences instead of a reward. We rely on you too much and I’m just as guilty of it. It’s been strange with you gone the last few days because this has never happened. I don’t think you’ve _ever_ prioritized someone new over your friends and your family.”

“Three. Goddamn. Days,” she gritted out, pinching the bridge of her nose.  


Wells was quick to hold his hands up in surrender. “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that. You’re not wrong here, Clarke, and we shouldn’t have made you feel that way. It’s just…”  


“…a completely different universe,” Raven finished for him.

Wells turned around as Raven walked up. “How long you been listening?”

She gave him an exasperated look. “You think you came after her first? Please.”

“So you were hiding and eavesdropping?” He scoffed. “ _Nice_.”

“I was literally just standing over there while you two were yapping. Sorry all this _nighttime business_ prevented you from seeing me a few feet away.”  


“Guys…” Clarke interjected tiredly.

This day was starting to feel impossibly long. Too many hours. Was it only this morning that Lexa picked her up for their hike?

Raven looked at her apologetically. “Look, I shouldn’t have said all that stuff back there. It’s been a weird and exhausting day. I don’t think I drank enough. Or maybe the opposite. But Wells is right. I’m sorry, Clarke. Whatever it is you have with this girl–”

“Lexa.”

“… _Lexa_ ,” Raven amended, “you deserve every chance to see it through. We’ll have other vacations. Like Cancun. This spring. No excuses.”

“You know, you’re acting like I don’t want to spend time with you, but I do. Don’t you get that? That’s why I asked Lexa to come over tomorrow. I wanted us all to have fun together. Why can’t it be simple like that? Why does it have to end up in a shouting match with Finn calling me a bitch?”

Raven mouth twisted in disgust. “Finn can go fuck himself. He’s been an asshole the last few days because he realized he wasn’t going to get laid this trip.”

“I’ll handle him,” Wells said firmly.

“Yeah, no.” Raven waved him off. “Your idea of handling it usually ends up in fisticuffs when it comes to Clarke’s honor.”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten into fights for your honor too and I didn’t hear you complaining.”

She winced. “Yeah, Wick was a grade-A plebeian jackoff. I take it back. I appreciate your methods, and your loyalty, but perhaps they’re just not the right thing for this situation? We’re stuck together in the woods for the next 11 days so we can’t afford to have the group splintering or broken noses.”

Wells shrugged. “Fair.”  


“I did overreact, Clarke. I’m sorry. I’m a cranky bitch. I suck. Can we just forget all that happened and enjoy the rest of the trip?”

Clarke took a deep, tired breath. “That would be great.”

“You’re really into this Lexa, aren’t you?” Wells said with a curious look, tilting his head at her, as if he was seeing something for the first time.  


Clarke felt uncomfortable under the scrutiny, but she allowed a tiny nod, not meeting their gazes.  


“You scared?” Raven asked.

“Terrified,” she admitted.  


She grinned. “That’s good.”

“Good?” Clarke echoed disbelievingly, looking to Wells for support, but she didn’t get it. He was nodding along with Raven. “How is that _good_?”

“Have you ever liked someone enough that it scared you?”

“No! That’s my whole point–”

“It means that somehow, by some miracle, Lexa has slipped under that seemingly impenetrable armor, Princess. She’s got the magic key to what makes Clarke Griffin tick.”

“Okay, you _really_ did drink more than I thought,” Wells interjected with an amused snort and turned back to Clarke. “Look, it’s a 'good thing' because falling in love is one of the scariest things we do. It’s complete vulnerability.”

“Agony,” Raven added.  


“Torture.”

“A nightmare.”

“You can’t sleep.”

“Or think.”

“Except about them.”

“You guys are _so good_ at this making me feel better thing…” Clarke grumbled sarcastically.  


“The point is,” Raven said, “you’ve never fallen for anyone, Clarke. Not the real kind of falling. So what you’re feeling right now? Scary and makes you wanna run far, far away, yet never leave? That’s exactly what you’ve been missing. Because with the scary comes the amazing, incredible, experience that makes every bit of pain and fear worthwhile.”

“What she said,” Wells agreed.  


Clarke’s chuckle came out in a strangled kind of way. “I’m not…I’m not _falling_ …”

But she couldn’t finish that.

_Oh God._

_Was she?_

Raven and Wells were wearing identical grins, their pearly whites shining through the dark woods.

Clarke was very, very tired.  


“I need sleep. Do you think they’ve knocked Finn out yet?”

“If not, Wells can toss him in the lake. That’ll sober him up.”

* * *

“Fishing tomorrow, Commander?” Anya asked as Lexa anchored and tied off the boat for the night. She’d abandoned the glowsticks while Lexa was taking Clarke back to her camp. “Lincoln heard about a place on a river called _Sutter’s Narrow_. It’s not off this lake. It’s about a half hour’s drive, so we’d have to load up the truck, but it’s said to be teeming with some beauties. I say we head out as soon as the sun’s up and we can have a fresh feast tonight with our spoils. Winner gets to beg off dish duty!”

“Actually,” Lexa started carefully, “Clarke invited us over to her campsite tomorrow. To spend the day with her friends. I was thinking we could do that instead. I saw they have a wake-board - you could show off your skills…”

“Wait, hold on, you can’t actually think I’m going to spend the day with your new squeeze and all her little friends?”

“Anya…”

“No way! You’re out of your mind. Fish or don’t fish, Lexa. Do whatever you want, but I am not wasting a single moment of my vacation just so you can get some pussy.”

“Don't talk about her like that.”  


She scoffed. “Whatever, Lex. Go run off into the sunset with her. We’ll be here waiting when it’s done.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s Costia all over again.”

“You need to stop. Right. _Now_.”  


“Your new obsession is going to ruin this vacation, Lexa. You’re an adult now - you don’t have the excuse of first love and being a dopey college kid anymore. You can’t dump us whenever you find something shiny and new and expect us to keep sticking around for it. Your whole life suddenly became Costia from the day you met her and then Lincoln and me? We were yesterday’s trash as far as you cared.”

“How can you even say that? And _why_ do you have to bring her up? You know how I–”  


“ _Costia. Costia. Costia,_ ” Anya sang impenitently. “That stuck up little cun–”

Lexa was on her a flash and Lincoln reappeared just in time to pull her off before she got a swing in.

“The fuck, Lexa?” Anya yelled.  


“Don’t you ever talk about her like that!”

“It’s been _four years_!” she cried incredulously.  


“I don’t care if it’s a hundred years! You don’t talk about her like that. Ever!”

“Jesus,” Anya sniffed, smoothing down her shirt, “and here I was hoping that Clarke would manage to take some of the edge off for you. What, is she not doing the job right?”

One leap and Lexa smacked her hard across the face. Their gazes locked, hard and vicious, before Lexa stormed off without another word. She went down the trail towards her camp, violently pushing aside branches and kicking away whatever debris was in her path.  


Anya was furious and mortified. The red welt in the shape of Lexa’s hand was already showing on her cheek. “We’re fucking done, Lexa!” she roared. “You hear me? It’s over!”

Lexa was already out of sight.  


Lincoln stared at her in utter disbelief.

“Fuck you too,” she groaned, falling back onto her lounge chair, holding her head.  


“What are you doing?”

“Me?” she cried. “She’s the one who just hit me!”

“Ahn…whatever it is, you gotta sort it out. This is _Lexa_. You’re attacking her for nothing. If you don’t fix this, and fast, I don’t…I don’t see how she’s going to forgive you.”

“You always take her side,” she growled.  


“Stop raging at the world and remember who your friends are.”  


He shook his head sadly and disappeared into his tent for the night, leaving Anya alone with the dwindling campfire.

“Some fucking friends…” she muttered to the stars.

* * *

Lexa unzipped her tent and was halfway through climbing out when she saw her.

Anya was sitting in a chair by Lexa’s smaller firepit. She looked like she’d been there a while. The fire was well fed and she was bundled up with a warm sweater, a mug of coffee in her hands. It looked like there was a pot of tea brewing on the campfire.

Lexa didn’t drink coffee. Anya didn’t drink tea.

At first, neither of them said anything. Lexa’s anger from last night still burned through her. But she didn’t want to say anything yet. It was too peaceful a morning. The fog still clung to the lake, tendrils curling around the rocks of Lexa’s campsite. Everything was a soft, blue hue. The sun would make her appearance soon enough.

Lexa took the chair across from her, letting Anya ladle out the tea into another mug and accepted it when it was offered. Honey and milk were set out for her as well.

“I don’t want you hurt again.”

It was the first thing she said after a while. She didn’t look at Lexa, just out at the still lake, into the fog, as she sipped her coffee.  


Lexa didn’t understand.

“This thing with Clarke. It’s only been a few days, but I know you. You don’t do casual, Lexa. It’s all or nothing with you. And I see what’s happening with her.”

“You’ve been pushing me to date again, to meet people. You never shut up about it and now that I have met someone…someone I hardly know yet…you’re taking all that back? What’s going on?”

Anya sighed, rolling her neck, and took another sip. “After Costia…” she explained reluctantly, “I thought it would break you. You talked about marrying that girl. Spending the rest of your life with her. And when she turned out to be someone different than what you thought… _Lexa_ , I thought we were going to lose you. You were so broken.”

“I wasn’t…”

“You spent all your time with her, so between that and your soccer career, you barely spoke to me and Lincoln for three years. And then when it ended, you showed up on my doorstep, a sleep-deprived wreck, a shadow of yourself, and slept on my couch for a month.”

“It was because I didn’t want–”

“…to go back to the apartment you shared with her, I know. I’m not saying I wasn’t happy to be able to be there for you, Lexa. I’m saying I don’t ever want to see that happen to you _again_. I don’t want you to lose yourself in someone else so completely, give up everything you are, because you think that’s what love is. You’re so much better than that. I don’t want you get hurt and…" she took a breath, " _I_ don’t want to be hurt again.”

Her soft admittance tugged at Lexa’s heart. “I didn’t realize…” she trailed off, not knowing how to finish. “I’m sorry, Anya. I really am.”  


“Three years, Lex. We were lucky if we saw you for Christmas.”

“I didn’t handle it well, I know.”

“Did you learn the lesson?”

“I did,” she said firmly. “That won’t ever happen again.”

“I’m really fucking sorry about last night,” Anya exhaled harshly, glancing up to meet Lexa’s eyes. “I deserved that slap.”

“You did.”

“I was just reacting in the moment and you know how badly that always goes.”

“I know.”

“I was also high, if that counts for anything?”

“It doesn’t.”

“Will you forgive me?”

“Eventually.”

“How about I go with you today?”

“That would be a start.”

“How lame are the friends?”

Lexa didn’t say anything and Anya groaned.

“The things we do for love…”

“You saying you love me?”

“Yes, Lexa,” she sighed with an annoyed shake of her head. “You know I do.”

Lexa stood and wrapped her in a hug that Anya held on to for longer than she would ever admit.

“Did you get much sleep?”

“Hardly any,” she grumbled.  


“Well…” Lexa chuckled. “Clarke’s friends are in for a treat then.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Where’s my coffee?” Clarke mumbled, rubbing her eyes blearily against the morning light as she stumbled out of her shared tent with Raven.  


“Relax, Princess,” Bellamy said. “I’ve got another batch on now. Give it a minute.”

“Bunch of coffee hoggers,” she said grumpily.

They didn’t go to bed until much later last night with everyone still arguing. At that point, it wasn't even about Finn anymore, but about any issue someone decided to inconveniently remember at the time. 

Drunk fighting was such a pain.

Of course, she didn’t sleep well and soon it was too bright out to even try anymore.  


“Wake up earlier next time,” Bellamy shot back easily.  


Clarke narrowed her eyes at him, but decided she was too tired to spar, and let it go. She sat down in one of their chairs with an exaggerated huff.  


“Well, I’ve got something for you that’s better than any coffee,” Harper said slyly, grinning from across the campfire.  


“And what’s that?”

She nodded towards the lake. “Your girl is riding in.”

* * *

“Holy shit, who is _that_?”

Octavia stood next to Clarke above the beach, watching as some of the delinquents down below helped bring Lexa’s Yamaha in. She was relieved to see that Anya and Lincoln had joined her today.  


Lexa was busy making sure everything went smoothly, but it didn’t stop her from taking a moment to smile up at Clarke and the cliche’d butterflies fluttered wildly in her stomach.  


Bright green eyes, her hair all waves and curls, a summer’s tan making her skin glow. She was wearing a white t-shirt tucked into jean cut offs, her sunglasses on top of her head.  


Everyone always talked about those butterflies and Clarke had never known how _real_ they were until now. 

She waved at Lexa with a slight wiggle of her fingers, melting into a puddle just at seeing her interact with the others. Lexa wasn’t even doing anything particularly important or significant, but the way her eyes twinkled, the way her lips curved as she spoke, the ease with the way she moved. There was such effortless grace and beauty about her. The sun seemed to worship Lexa as well, her Forest Goddess, because it chose that moment to break out from the clouds and grace them all with her warm, brilliance. Lexa’s wild hair turned lighter with it, catching the gleaming rays.

Clarke was ogling. She knew it. Octavia knew it too, but she was too busy undressing Lincoln with her eyes to comment…plus it would have been hypocritical.  


Clarke didn’t know how today was going to go, but seeing her just made all of the worries disappear. She would have another day with Lexa and that was worth anything her friends could throw at them.  


“He’s one of Lexa’s best friends, Lincoln,” she replied. “Really sweet, you’ll like him.”

“Like him? I’m in _love_. I’ve never seen a guy that hot before in my life…”

Clarke smirked in amusement, but she saw something out of the corner of her eye, it was just where the shoreline curved. There was Finn was sitting high up on the grass above the beach. He was wearing a beanie, shirtless, and in jeans. He was alone and Clarke was pretty sure she saw a cloud of smoke around him. 

_ Figures. _

_He already looked the part, might as well actually be stoned for it too._  


She hadn’t spoken to him after last night’s bitchfest, they’d wrangled him down so Zoe and Jasper could get him away from the camp and cool off. This was the first time she’d seen him since.

He looked lonely.

The twinge was there again, but not of guilt, instead it was sympathy. She knew Finn had feelings for her. She had pointedly ignored that he had feelings for her and she’d been fully intent on using those feelings to her advantage on this vacation.

Clarke knew her flaws. She knew what she was doing and she didn’t hide from it. But now now she’d actually hurt him and…

Yeah, it bothered her.

But Finn was also a pretty self absorbed jackass sometimes, so she wasn’t exactly torn up inside about it.

However, it did make her remember how Octavia had expressed interest in Finn too before they arrived, but she’d seen none of that since.  


“So…what about Finn? You’re not–?”

“I’m nobody’s second choice.”  


Clarke’s smile grew and she glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. Octavia didn’t bother looking at her, focused only on the guy who was jumping off the boat onto their beach. Clarke knew that she and Octavia weren’t the closest in the group, but by God, she really did admire that girl.

Octavia was wildfire. Unfathomable. Untameable. (Despite her brother’s best efforts.) Clarke would worry for most guys who dated her, but there was something about Lincoln made her think that he could handle himself just fine.

Maybe he was exactly the kind of person Octavia needed.

Lexa had disembarked as well at that point, so Clarke eagerly went down to greet her with Octavia right behind.  


* * *

“Are we _seriously_ going to spend our entire day like this?”  
  
Lexa silenced Anya with a look.  
  
She wasn't wrong though. 

The delinquents were sprawled out in various states of consciousness, moody and quiet. Some had disappeared, but most were just absorbed in their coffee mugs, occasionally muttering to someone near them.  
  
“I’m sorry it’s so weird,” Clarke said sheepishly. “We kind of had a thing last night.”  
  
“Thing?”  
  
“An argument,” she clarified. “Well, several of them. People had been drinking.”  
  
“Over…?” Lexa gestured between the two of them.  
  
“Kind of.”

“Clarke, should we be here right now? I don’t want to cause trouble between you and your friends.”

She took Lexa’s hand immediately, lacing their fingers. “You’re not going anywhere, okay?” she said firmly. “We just have to break them out of their hangover funk.”

“Amateurs,” Anya scoffed. “Lincoln! Get the tequila!”

He looked up with a frown from his conversation with Octavia before waving off distractedly, turning all his attention back to her.

“It’s 9:30 in the morning.” Lexa looked at her friend in consternation.

“Yeah? And you’re telling me I’m spending the day with these moldy lumps of clay? Well, it won't be happening sober.”

“ _Tequila_? And you call us amateurs…” Raven snorted, rolling her eyes. “Please.”

“You have a better suggestion?”

Raven was already rooting around in a cooler.

“I wouldn’t say we’re amateurs, Anya.” Clarke smirked and held her hand out, waiting.  


“It’s called adulting,” Raven added and promptly handed Clarke a bottle of Bailey’s which she added to her coffee with pleasure. “Morning tequila is so senior year.”

Anya narrowed her eyes at her and, for a tense few seconds, Clarke was worried for Raven’s physical safety, but then Anya got to her feet and strolled off without a word.  


Raven let out a little breath of relief, mouthing "wow” to herself as she left.

“Sorry about that.” Lexa grimaced. "She’s…she’s just…”

“Anya?” Clarke supplied helpfully.

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“Don’t worry,” Clarke chuckled. “I usually have to explain Raven the same way.”

“If you’re going to talk smack about me, at least have the decency to do it behind my back like civilized people,” Raven said, yawning.  


“But I consider it the highest form of respect to do it to your face.”  


Raven rolled her eyes good naturedly and took the Bailey’s back for herself.  


There was a light squeeze on her hand and Clarke turned away from Raven at once with a soft smile for Lexa and Lexa only.

“Want some?”

Lexa shook her head. “I’m not much for coffee.”

“No coffee?” Raven gasped. “How do you _survive_?”

“There’s caffeinated tea.”

Clarke made a face. “There’s absolutely no comparison.”

“Not even remotely!”

Lexa grinned, shaking her head. “You guys already have so much in common with Anya.“  


* * *

“So we went to–”

Gina was cut off by a squeal of laughter, followed by high pitched giggles from somewhere in the woods.  


Lexa’s eyes widened comically and she looked to Clarke before looking back to where the noise came from.

Clarke’s brow furrowed. “That wasn’t…?”

“That was _Anya_ ,” Lexa said, mostly to herself, horrified.

“Ah,” Gina nodded in realization. “It looks like your friend found Monty and Jasper.”

“Oh, no…” Clarke groaned.

Lincoln called out to Lexa from the beach where he had moved to with Octavia. “Was that…?”  


“Apparently!”

He looked equally shaken.

“I’m going to assume Monty and Jasper have some _herbal supplements_ ,” Lexa said dryly.

Bellamy snorted. “Try a whole van full,” he said, his head in his Gina’s lap.

“They grow it themselves,” Gina explained.

“To be fair, they’re actually pretty brilliant guys,” Clarke reasoned. “They have their own start up that’s primed to break and I have no doubt they’ll be the wealthiest of us all, but they have a pretty dedicated side hobby…”

“Monty is a biochem wiz with a serious green thumb,” Harper added, joining them with Raven.  


“Got it from his mother!” Raven said in amusement. “Though she’s not exactly pleased with her son using his talents like this.”

“And Jasper is the lesser braniac with a passion for gene splicing. They create new, stronger strains all the time.”

“ _Perfecting the perfect high_ ,” Bellamy sang mockingly.

Gina tapped him on the nose reprovingly. “If they hear you talking like that, they won’t let you test out their newest experiments anymore.”

He scoffed, puffing up his chest. “Yeah, right. Those guys love me.”

Just then Anya came running out of the woods, eyes red and glassy, and jumped into Lexa’s lap.

“Alexandriaaaaaaaa!” she squealed, much to Lexa’s abject horror. “I was so wrong about today. Forgive me. I have met heaven and heaven is glorious.”

“Oh. My. God.”

Clarke and the others didn’t bother to hide their laughter as Lexa was wrangling with her very stoned friend.

“These guys, Lexie,” she said, grabbing Lexa’s arms and butting their heads together, “these guys are like…the most…the most… _whoa_. It’s so good. Lexie, you have to try it!”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Don’t be a muddy stick!” She groaned dramatically, lolling her head to Clarke. “Give her permission, blondie. She won’t do anything fun unless you tell her to.”

Clarke just hid her laughter behind her hand, unable to respond.

“Jesus,” Lexa muttered. “This has to be the highest I’ve ever seen you and, yes, I’m including your Molly phase.”

Anya snorted in the most unattractive way possible, releasing Lexa so that she could spin around the group, tapping everyone on the head.

“Molly has nothing on Monty! I will take that little bowl head home with us and he’ll be our new pet.”

“Bowl head?” Harper echoed, affronted.

Anya wasn’t listening. She picked Lexa’s sunglasses off her face and put them over her own so then she was wearing two pairs.

“Mooooonty. Cutie face. I’m keeping him. The other one can go suck a drain pipe.” She froze, seeming contemplative. “However…if Mon-go dies, I’ll have to take the twig. He’s got this stuff too. Damn. I’ll work on this plan, don’t worry.”

No one was worried.

“Ahn…go back over there, all right? And don’t smoke anymore of it. I can’t take a whole day of this.”

“Don’t worry,” Raven said, still laughing. “I think they’re using the short term stuff today. Intense high, but burns off quickly.”

Lexa seemed to be a little reassured by that. Anya didn’t hear or notice, she was too busy juggling some beer cans she found.

Clarke shifted so that she was against Lexa’s side and rubbed her arm soothingly. “She’ll be fine.”

Anya hit herself in the face with one of the beers.  


“I’m not worried,” Lexa said honestly, still watching with rapt attention, “I’m just _never_ going to let her live this down! Does anyone have their phone on them?”

She was answered by four people whipping out their phones and pointing it towards Anya.  


Clarke laughed brightly and Lexa held her closer, resting her chin on Clarke’s shoulder as they continued to watch the show.

* * *

"Hey, guys!”  


Octavia ran up to them as they came out of the water, shedding their life jackets. Clarke and Lexa had taken the Blakes jet skis and were gleefully chasing after each other across the lake for nearly an hour while Murphy and Brian stayed closer to camp and attempted tricks that nearly ended up in a fatal collision. Fortunately, everyone made it back in one piece.

“Lincoln’s been telling me about an old town swimming hole that sounds like fun. There’s rope swings and stuff.”

“That’s not on the lake though,” Lexa said. “It’s on the other side of the town.”

“You mean the one street with three buildings and a gas station they call a ‘town’?” Clarke replied dryly.  


“It’s something different,” Brian shrugged. “I’ll go.”  


“I’m in,” Murphy agreed, “but only if we get ice cream from that stand on the way back.”  


“Done!”

Octavia went off to corral the rest of them. Murphy and Brian went up to dry off and change their clothes, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone.

Clarke swallowed harshly as she took in the sight of a damp, radiant Lexa. Her windblown rosy cheeks and a mane all the more wild even with water dripping from it. Clarke’s face hurt from smiling - she couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed so much.

Lexa was the purest high Clarke had ever known.

“You’re staring.”

“With good reason.”

“And what’s that?”

Clarke answered by slipping her arms around her waist and burying her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck. Lexa sighed happily at the embrace and leaned her head against her. They didn’t let go for a good while.  


* * *

“Oooh, shotgun! I call shotgun!” Jasper said gleefully, running for the passenger door only to get straight-armed by Anya. 

Wordlessly, she grabbed him by the scruff and hauled him off towards the back of the truck with the others. She’d come down from her high and was now refusing to speak due to sheer mortification.  


“Hey, wha..!” he protested, struggling in vain. “I called it! Those are the rules!”

“Lexa always gets shotgun,” Lincoln explained.  


“Like shotgun _infinity_?” he whined. “That’s cheating!”

“My truck, my rules,” Lincoln replied with a shrug and heaved himself up into the driver’s seat.

Octavia was already perched in the middle, ready and waiting for Lincoln who was surprised, but bashfully happy to see her there.

Lexa caught Clarke who was automatically going to join the others in the back and lifted her into the cab with her. Clarke squealed with delight and was more than pleased to find herself seated on Lexa’s lap.

Lexa closed the door and Clarke wrapped her arms around her shoulders, wriggling around a little bit until she was resting comfortably in Lexa’s arms. Her back was to Octavia and Lincoln, but she was sure the two of them wouldn’t mind in the least.

Their faces were so close, Clarke could only stare, trying to drink up every second of this, memorize every curve, every line, every freckled dot and tiny scars. Lexa seemed to be doing the same and they didn’t say a word.  


Those green eyes peered right through her, into her, drowning her, and Clarke shivered under the weight. The good kind of shiver - the kind that ran down your spine, set off sparks in your chest, and warmed you from the inside out.

“Hi,” she whispered, finally breaking the silence.

Lexa smiled up at her as she whispered back, “Hi.”

Clarke was vaguely aware that Octavia had turned on the radio, probably full blast. Lincoln was yelling in the background, somewhere far, far, away - probably trying to make sure everyone was in and ready to go.

But Lexa’s arm was curled around her waist, her hand was dangerously… _deliciously_ …high on her thigh, fingers tracing light little patterns, seeming to travel ever higher, but not quite there. Clarke wondered if Lexa could feel her heartbeat racing with the way they were pressed together.

There was an ache between her legs that sparked the moment Lexa had appeared on the water this morning and it’d been growing steadily worse. This was hardly helping matters. Lexa was warm and soft beneath her, with deceptively strong arms around her, and Clarke couldn’t help herself when she nuzzled into her hair, breathing in the clean scent of her shampoo with the omnipresent hint of campfire smoke and pine.

She wondered if she smelled the same. She hoped she smelled that good anyway. It was kind of hard to manage in this environment, but damned if Clarke wasn’t going to make it happen.

“So, you have shotgun infinity?” she asked, curling a lock of dark brown hair around her finger.

“Something like that.”

Lexa gave her a lopsided grin and leaned in to lightly bump her nose against Clarke’s in a way that made Clarke’s heart stutter in overwhelming adoration.

There was a long beat before she admitted, “I don’t like cars.”

It was quiet and almost a throw away, but Clarke heard her, and it struck hard.

Lexa never said how her parents died, but from what Clarke had learned about Lexa so far, she didn’t think it was making too much of a leap. Not the way Lexa said it.  


Instead of letting it show on her face or affect the lightheartedness of their mood, Clarke skipped right on by because she knew that was what Lexa wanted.

“You’ve got some good friends then if they’re willing to give up shotgun for life to you.”

Lexa smirked. “It’s not like I gave them a choice in the matter.”

“Right, _Commander_ ,” she drawled sarcastically. “When you say jump…”

“…you ask how high,” she finished with a raise of her left eyebrow, daring her to challenge.  


Clarke couldn’t help but be amused at Lexa’s cockiness.

The truck roared to life underneath them and Lexa’s grip on Clarke tightened for the briefest moment before she relaxed again. It tugged on something deep inside of Clarke to feel that kind of panic from Lexa - however brief and fleeting. Lexa’s gaze dropped to a spot on Clarke’s neck instead of making eye contact. She knew Clarke had picked up on it and she seemed embarrassed…just a little bit.

Clarke was determined not to let this bring them down, but she couldn’t ignore it entirely either.

“Do you prefer to look at the road or not at all?”

“I prefer looking at you,” Lexa replied, smiling up at her.

“Ah, well I have been told I’m easy on the eyes,” Clarke joked.

However, she made a point to shift her position, pulling herself closer and leaning forward so that she was entirely blocking Lexa’s view of the windshield.

She sighed ever so lightly. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to fall apart on you.”

Clarke tilted her head with a pout. “That’s a shame…” She leaned in, her lips against Lexa’s ear with a husky whisper, “Because I was _really_ looking forward to it…”

Lexa’s grip tightened again, but for an entirely different reason this time and Clarke smiled to herself, pleased she was able to elicit such a reaction.

“Easy on the eyes, you’ve been told?” Lexa asked hoarsely, trying to regain her bearings.

She met Clarke’s gaze again with such intensity that Clarke forgot to breathe.

“Yeah.” She nodded jerkily, unable to look away for anything. Those full, luscious lips were right there, so close, just a few inches and she could taste her again. Clarke’s mind and body was screaming for it.

“They were lying.“

Clarke gasped and put her hand on her chest, pretending to be hurt.

Lexa grinned at first, but it faded quickly as she grew more serious and pensive. She let her head drop back against the seat as she regarded Clarke in a sort of awe, just staring up at her in resignation - the same kind that Clarke knew so well herself.

Resigned to just utter disbelief that this person is real.

“You’re so beautiful.”

It was an exhale.

A helpless wonderment. _  
_

_You’re so beautiful._

Lexa’s voice echoed in her head, the words repeating over and over, spinning Clarke into the highest peaks.

She was handing herself over to Clarke.

_Do with me as you please, for I am yours, and could want for nothing more._

“I could say the same for you,” Clarke murmured.  


“Could?”  


Clarke grinned devilishly and nipped at Lexa’s lips. “But I _won’t_.”  


“Are you saying you don’t consider me attractive, Clarke?”  


“Hmm,” she pretended to think about it, "I suppose we could work on it.”  


“Oh? And how would you like to do that?”

_Showing was always better than telling._  


Clarke closed the gap, meeting Lexa’s lips at long last, and a simultaneous sigh of relief echoed between them.  


Lexa’s hands moved up her sides, her neck, to cup her face as the kiss deepened. Clarke used her position on top of Lexa to her advantage and wrapped around her fully, pushing Lexa back into the seat as she commandeered them, lips meeting again and again. Lexa’s tongue had just peeked out when there was a loud banging noise from above that startled them apart.  


The world came rushing back in. Lincoln and Octavia laughing together. Music blaring from the speakers. Bellamy and Miller cheering and pounding on the roof of the truck as they stood in the back of the pick up, holding on tight as Lincoln drove through the winding mountain roads. There was hooting and hollering from the rest of the group at Clarke and Lexa’s impromptu make out session.  


Clarke had been completely oblivious to the fact that they were right up against a window behind the seats that gave everyone in the truck bed a front row seat.  


She decided she didn’t care.  


Seizing the back of Lexa’s hair, she pulled her into another deep kiss, willing the noise to fade away again. When Lexa whimpered and wrapped around Clarke’s middle, palms splayed open against her body, the noise didn’t just fade, it stopped all at once. Clarke heard nothing else for the rest of the ride except for Lexa’s little moans and sighs into her mouth and skin.  


Nothing until the truck shut off and the vehicle was still.  


Even then, she wouldn’t stop kissing her and Lexa didn’t seem to mind.


	10. Chapter 10

It wasn’t until her hands slipped under Lexa’s shirt to find that soft, warm, bare skin, and Lexa seized up slightly, that Clarke was finally dragged back to reality.  
  
She pulled her hands away, lifting most of her weight off Lexa by propping herself up on her elbows. She was actually pretty shocked to find that they’d fallen sideways were stretched out across the length of the seats with Clarke pinning her down.  
  
_When did that happen?_  
  
Panting, flustered. Clarke looked at her with a wince. “Too fast?”  
  
Lexa, kiss swollen lips and tousled hair where she laid beneath her, laughed in a strangled sort of way.  
  
“We’ve been together for 8 months now,”  she said breathlessly, bringing Clarke in for another, albeit light, kiss. “Not too fast.”  
  
“8 months?” she echoed.  
  
“Mm,” Lexa murmured contentedly, letting her hands drag down the back of Clarke’s thighs. “By your estimation, every day is two months. So…8. Did you forget our anniversary, dear?”  
  
Clarke grinned, biting her lip. “It seems so. I’m sorry, sweetie. It’ll never happen again.”  
  
Lexa patted her consolingly and then exhaled with a little more somberness.  
  
“We’re just…we’re in _Lincoln’s truck_ , Clarke. That’s all. There’s like a dozen people right outside…”  
  
Clarke felt herself turning red.  
  
_Too fast?_  
  
_Too fast!?_  
  
_Lexa just didn’t want to venture into exhibitionism._  
  
_God, how lost was she?_  
  
_Really lost._  
  
_So gone…_  
  
“Oh my god…”  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
“I’m so embarrassed,” she admitted, backing away enough so that she could move off of Lexa. But Lexa went right with her, not ready to let her go too far just yet.  
  
“No…no…” she murmured, threading a hand in her hair and pulling Clarke back. She mouthed over her pulse point before dotting smaller kisses up her neck. Clarke’s eyes fell closed as she became carried away in the sensation again…Lexa’s lips…  
  
Lexa exhaled and touched Clarke’s chin, pushing lightly so that she would meet her gaze. “We’re going to pick this up later.”  
  
“Yeah?” She breathed, feeling the promise of all things yet to come.  
  
Lexa could only nod.  
  
“Just…less public, please.”  
  
Clarke had to laugh. “I think I can work with that.”

* * *

“Out of the way, granny!” he bellowed as he shoved past Wells and ran for the rope, swinging out hard and high with a whoop before he let go and fell into the water with a huge splash.  
  
“Such a dick…” Wells muttered under his breath as he retrieved the rope for his turn.  
  
“They don’t get along very well, do they?” Lexa asked Clarke as they watched the exchange.  
  
Bellamy was being obnoxiously loud at the bottom as he swam back to shore.  
  
“Believe it or not, they might as well be best friends.”  
  
Lexa gave her such a look that Clarke snorted before relenting.  
  
“Okay, well, considering where they started, this is like the honeymoon period. When we first met Bellamy, he was such a jerk. Arrogant. Condescending. Just… _so annoying_. But Octavia started spending more time with us and he seemed to kind of…mellow out with the group, discovered some common interests and all that. He’s different now.”  
  
Bellamy did a King Kong roar as he shook out his hair.  
  
Clarke grimaced. “Mostly different…”  
  
The ropes were free and Lexa nudged her forward. “You want to go first?”  
  
“No, no,” she said quickly, “that’s okay, I’m…I’m gonna try the lower one. We can go at the same time.”  
  
Lexa frowned at the apprehensiveness in Clarke’s voice, but she slipped away and down the hillside before Lexa could say anything about it.  
  
Wells was dripping wet as he ran back up, eager to go again. He saw that Lexa was poised to take her turn and stopped to wait, but when he saw the concerned look on her face, he ventured a little closer.  
  
“Hey, you good?”  
  
“Fine.”  
  
Lexa was still watching Clarke as she and Harper were retrieving the rope below. It was positioned to be nearly level with the water so there was hardly a drop at all.  
  
“Something up with Clarke?” he tried again.  
  
Lexa seemed to realize for the first time that Wells was speaking to her. “Is she afraid of heights?”  
  
“Clarke? No. Not at all. Why?”  
  
“She…seems a little nervous about the rope swings.”  
  
Wells hesitated a moment with an unreadable expression before he shrugged.  
  
“I don’t know. I’m sure she’s fine.”  
  
He was lying.  
  
“You guys talking about Clarke?” Monty asked with his mouth full as he walked up to them with a bag of popcorn.  
  
He offered some to Lexa, who politely declined.  
  
“Well, I was just asking if she had a fear of heights because she kind of ran away from this one.”  
  
“Oh, yeah,” Monty shrugged, as if it was obvious, “she can’t really swim.”  
  
“ _Monty_ …” Wells hissed.  
  
“What? She asked.”  
  
“It’s Clarke’s business, man. You know how she feels about it.”  
  
“Hold on,” Lexa broke in, furrowed brow. “We swam yesterday. She was fine.”  
  
“Okay, she can _swim_ ,” Monty clarified, “just not _well_. She does the floating, doggy paddle thing just fine, but she hates it when the water is deep enough to go over her head so dropping 20 feet from midair into an indiscernible depth doesn’t excite her…basically.”  
  
Lexa’s eyes lit with gentle acknowledgment and she nodded, glancing back over at Clarke who was talking quietly with Harper.  
  
However, Wells was looked like he was going to pop a vein, or Monty’s head, either way.  
  
“Clarke said you used to be a lifeguard?”  
  
Lexa turned back to the boy with a curious smile. “Yeah…”  
  
_Clarke was talking about her?_

Her heart may or may not have stuttered at the discovery.

“Maybe you can convince her that taking some lessons isn’t this humiliating awful experience she thinks it would be,” Monty suggested. “That it’s totally okay for someone of any age to learn to swim?”

“Of course, there’s no age limit on it,” Lexa agreed easily. “But I have to say, Wells is right.”

Wells looked at her in surprise.

“If Clarke didn’t want to tell me yet then that’s her right. I won’t bring it up unless she does.”

Wells blinked, pleased, and quite unprepared for that. She had a strong feeling she’d just won some major points in his book and that made her strangely proud. She didn’t really care much what other people thought of her, but from the way Clarke spoke about him… Wells was one of her best friends and an important part of her life. If Lexa had his approval…that would mean something to Clarke…wouldn’t it?

“Lexa?”  
  
She looked down the hillside to see Clarke tentatively calling to her, gesturing to the ropes.  
  
“Ready?”  
  
“Sure,” she called back. “Let me go first though.”  
  
Clarke looked relieved. "Okay!”  
  
Lexa quickly ran out, snagged the rope, and swung far out over the water before releasing and dropped down into a dive, entering smoothly with hardly a splash. She surfaced and swam closer to where Clarke would enter the water.  
  
“Your turn!” she shouted with a grin. “I’ll catch you!”  
  
She was pretty sure Clarke muttered, “show off” under her breath, but she wasn’t positive.  
  
Lexa hoped that Clarke would feel more reassured if there was someone in the water waiting for her, ready to help should she need it. She didn’t think she would, but when you don’t have the confidence you need as a swimmer, the unknowns are all too terrifying and likely to make you unduly panic.  
  
They taught it in the course.

Clarke took a few moments, preparing herself, but eventually she took the rope and ran towards the water. She let go too soon and landed in shallower water than she should have, but Lexa was there in a second. Clarke gasped as she surfaced, a hint of fear that shouldn’t be there, and Lexa immediately pulled her close. In a moment of panic, Clarke wrapped her legs around Lexa’s waist and clutched round her shoulders tightly.

“I’ve got you,” Lexa said softly.

She was doing all of the work, treading water for them both, as she held Clarke up. Clarke wiped the water from her eyes, breathing unsteadily, looking around and down between them as she realized how easily she’d given herself away.

Lexa felt an ache in her chest when Clarke suddenly released her with an empty smile. She awkwardly paddled the short distance back to shore while Lexa stayed out there a few moments longer until she was forced to move to make room for the others dropping down.  


Wells nearly landed on her head as it was.

* * *

They were silently sitting side by side with towels around them, drying off away from the others on a rock jutting out from the hillside overlooking the swimming hole. They could still see everyone swimming below and their friends using the rope swings.

Lincoln was pushing Octavia on a tire swing that went high out over the water and then back up brushing over the smaller treetops. It looked dangerous and exhilarating which was exactly why it was the perfect thing for Octavia. They were both grinning ear to ear as they talked while Octavia went back and forth.

Anya was challenging Bellamy to something that neither Clarke nor Lexa wanted to know about.

Harper, Finn, Zoe, and Jasper were all floating around the shallower side, while the rest were trying to outdo each other with flips and competing to see who could get the furthest out on the swings.

“I’m not a great swimmer,” she blurted, breaking the silence. “…which, you’ve clearly figured out by now.”

Lexa wasn’t fazed. “If that’s the case, why did you do the rope?”

“I didn’t…I didn’t want to be lame or weird about it. You’re so into all of this stuff and I…”

_I want to be able to keep up with you.  
_

_I don’t want you to lose interest in me._

_I don’t want to be someone that holds you back._

But she didn’t say any of that.

“I didn’t think it would be too bad, but now you know, and I feel like a loser.”

Clarke looked absolutely miserable.  


Lexa paused, trying to choose her words carefully. "I’m not sure I really understand this. Are you saying that you weren’t on the high school swim team and it’s somehow your deepest shame?”  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes, but it did make her smile. “Well, when you put it that way…”  
  
Lexa scooted closer, nudging her with elbow. “What is it _really_?”  
  
Clarke blew out a breath. “It’s just…it reminds me of how things were different for me growing up.”  
  
“Different in a bad way?”  
  
“Sometimes I wonder.” She shrugged. “My Dad was a structural engineer, but his job wasn’t typical. He worked for this really high tech company that was all about innovation and doing things that had never been done before. So all of our vacations were to places with ancient, historic architecture so that he could study and get inspired. It could be really boring or kinda cool for me, depending on where we went, but it usually meant going to desert-like climates or landlocked places. We didn’t do summers on the beach like everyone else, you know? Rome, Egypt, Peru, Cambodia, Jordan, and so on. My mom worked hard all the time and she really didn’t care where we went. She just wanted to make sure that we were together and that she could put her feet up, not worrying about the hospital for a week or two.”

“So…you’re saying that the reason why you’re not competing in the Olympics for swimming is because you were too busy _traveling the world_ and experiencing different cultures in ways that most people won’t ever do in a lifetime?”

“Okay, you’re making it really hard for me to feel sorry for myself.”

Lexa chuckled. “Clarke, what you got to do instead sounds amazing. You can practice any time to get better at swimming, but what you experienced, going to all of those places with your family? That’s something invaluable, something you can never repeat.”

“I don’t like not being good at things,” she admitted forlornly. “I’m usually…”

“The best at everything?” Lexa offered with a raise of her eyebrow.

“No, not like that. I’m…” She tried to find the words to explain. “Whatever I choose to do, I make sure I excel at it. Failure has never been an option…until recently…” she trailed off with a deep frown. _  
_

_Med school drop out. Art school drop out._

_Adrift._

“And your swimming skills remind you of that.” Lexa nodded in understanding.

“Did you happen to major in psychology before you got an MBA?” Clarke groaned. “You have to be one of the worst people I could talk to about this. You’re amazing at practically everything. Lifeguard, soccer star, business mogul at 24.”

Lexa just shook her head fondly and leaned in to press a lingering kiss to her cheek. “There’s only one thing I’ve seen you not be good at so far.”

“I feel like you’re _not_ going to say swimming.”

“ _Asking for help_ ,” Lexa said, tilting her head thoughtfully. “Or, rather, admitting you need help.”

Clarke huffed begrudgingly, but she didn’t dispute it.

“So…”

“So?”

Lexa laughed. “Ask me, Clarke.”

She groaned again, bringing her towel over her head.

“This is humiliating.”

“This is being an adult.”

She pulled the colorful beach towel down with the most adorably exasperated look on her face.

“This is the least adult-like thing possible.”

“And that’s not overstating it at all…” Lexa shot back dryly.

Clarke sighed, straightening her back as she prepared herself.

"Lexa…”

“Yes?”

“Will you kiss me?”

“Of cour–” she answered automatically, but cut herself off with an owlish blink. “Wait, what?”

Clarke didn’t wait. She took Lexa’s face in her hands and found her mouth.

“Is this how you distract people from important topics?” Lexa mumbled against Clarke’s lips before diving back deeper.

“Yes,” she replied simply. “Problem?”

“Not at the moment.”

Clarke chuckled, but it turned into a throaty murmur as Lexa latched onto her throat. She slipped her hands around the back of Lexa’s neck, playing with the soft, fine hairs there, eyes shut, and so, _so_ willing.

“Lexa?”

“Mhm?”

“Will you give me swimming lessons?”

“Yes, now stop talking.”

Clarke’s laughter, so delightful and pure, bubbled over and echoed down below to the rest of their friends. The group looked up to see where it’d come from, but Lexa had laid Clarke down on their towels, effectively putting them out of sight.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve heard that,” Raven said with a wistful smile.

Gina shook her head, amazed. “I don’t think I’ve _ever_ heard her like that.”

“No…you wouldn’t have. It’s been at least a year. More.”

Gina got it and the sympathy showed on her face.  


“So…” she started with a knowing tilt of her head, “feeling a little guilty for the outburst last night?”

Raven scoffed, looking down. “…Maybe.”

“Buy her ice cream later,” she suggested. “Ice cream solves everything.”

Raven’s mouth dropped open. “Oh my God!”

“What?”

“I’ve _finally_ figured out why a severely _lactose intolerant_ Bellamy started stocking his freezer with Ben & Jerry’s…”  


They were laughing so hard that Bellamy took notice with a frown.

“What’s so funny?" 


	11. Chapter 11

They did indeed get ice cream on the way back as Murphy requested and Raven ended up treating both Clarke and Lexa to their own ice cream cones.  
  
“Thank you, Raven,“ Lexa said politely, tasting her ice cream.  
  
“Consider it my apology,” she said brusquely and walked away before Lexa could say another word.  
  
Lexa leaned in with sotto voce, “What is she apologizing for?”  
  
Clarke shook her head. “Doesn’t matter. Just take in the moment. It’s a rare occurrence with Raven Reyes.”  
  
Lexa considered it before relenting with a shrug and put all thought of it out of her mind. Instead, she ducked down and licked some of the ice cream off Clarke’s cone before she could protest.  
  
“Rocky Road,” Lexa said, licking her lips with a smile. “A bit cliche’d don’t you think?”  
  
“What about you with your _strawberry_?”  
  
“It’s a timeless classic,” she replied breezily.  
  
Clarke pulled Lexa’s hand towards her so she could try some.

She didn’t see the way Lexa’s eyes darkened as her tongue peeked out to lick the ice cream.

“Mmm,” Clarke grinned in approval, “chocolate and strawberry. Not bad.”  
  
Lexa was trying to stay even keel. “Our flavors are compatible.”  
  
"What does that say for us?”  
  
Lexa slid her arm around Clarke’s waist as they strolled back to the truck.  
  
“I think we’ve already figured out how compatible we are, don’t you?”  
  
Clarke’s gaze was heavy and penetrating. “I don’t know…I think we should try a few more tests before we make that determination.”  
  
Lexa’s fingers dug into her waist noticeably and Clarke tried to hide her smirk behind her ice cream.  
  
"What– _ahem_ –what did you have in mind?”  
  
“Can we go already?” Zoe shouted at them from the back of the truck.

They looked up simultaneously, a little alarmed at their bubble being so rudely broken, but Clarke chuckled lowly and it brought Lexa right back.

“Come on,” she gave her a lopsided grin, “let’s head back to our little corner of the world.”

“Tired of town already?”

That set Clarke off.

“What town?” she cried, fuming. “It is _one_ street and three buildings with a gas station! That doesn’t make it a town!”

Lexa snickered and Clarke shot her a dirty look. Lexa was trying to push her buttons and she knew it.

Hopefully she would find better ways to elicit passionate responses from Clarke. Soon.

Jasper dropped his ice cream cone just as Lincoln pulled out of the parking lot so he had to loop around to go back in. Jasper scurried off with red tipped ears as everyone shouted at him.

* * *

“You ride? Like actual machines? Honda, Kawi, Ducs?”

“Yeah, absolutely.” Octavia shrugged. “I started with some hogs when I was younger, and I have the 2014 EBR for racing…”

“You _race_?”

“…but Raven actually built my newest ride.”

“No way. I thought you’d be a rubbie when you mentioned it, but no rubbie does street races.”

“Speed junkie.” Octavia grinned. “It’s my thing. That’s why Raven was perfect to build for me. Maximum firepower, maximum speed.”

Lincoln sat down next to them.

"You found a honest to goodness rider up here?” Anya said to him.

Lincoln smiled, rubbing his chin. “That’s what I’ve heard.”

“With all the yuppies we meet, I’m impressed.” She looked at Octavia appraisingly. “He has good taste you know?”

In an uncharacteristic move, Octavia turned shy and blushed, tucking her hair back. “I think he seems pretty cool so far.” She was looking at Lincoln and he was gazing back fondly.

“Did I hear you talking about my bike?” Raven asked, plopping down next to Octavia.

“ _My_ bike,” Octavia corrected.

“ _Ours_.”

“So you really built it from scratch and all?” Lincoln asked. “That’s pretty amazing.”

Raven shrugged. “Junior year was way too intense and such a buzz kill. I needed a distraction and a way to blow off steam. Octavia was talking about wanting a custom piece, but didn’t want it to be just a bar hopper so I thought why not? Sounds fun.”

“It’s so rad,” Octavia added. “I told her she needs to start her own business, but she has loftier ambitions that involve space and combustion.” She rolled her eyes.  


“I’m one of the top people in my field and I have a mega grant coming my way this winter for a new project. You want to tell me what I’m doing wrong with my life, little Blake?”

Octavia knocked shoulders with her playfully as they chuckled with each other.

“So do pieces fall off as you try to ride it?” Anya goaded. “What does the junk top out at?”

Raven was highly insulted, but before she could go on a rant about it, Octavia beat her to it. “Hold on, no violence. I’ll show you.”

She retrieved her phone and Anya’s eyes grew wider and wider with each picture - including several videos of Octavia racing, asking more questions, and apparently having her mind blown. Clarke was pretty sure they spent the rest of the night talking about motorcycles and with Anya trying to cajole Raven into building one for her too.

“Don’t look now, but I think our friends are actually getting along…” Clarke said lowly, her chin perched on Lexa’s shoulder.

“Shhh, you’ll jinx it.”

Clarke giggled and molded herself against Lexa’s side as they sat by the fire while the others were busy getting dinner ready (everyone took turns and tonight was Bellamy and Murphy’s night while a few others pitched in for the little things).  


Lexa and Lincoln reluctantly pried themselves away from their newfound… _interests?_ …and went back to their site to gather more alcohol to share with the delinquents as a thank you for dinner.  


Raven nudged Wells when she saw that they returned separately with Lincoln driving the big boat and Lexa in her dinghy. She made a lewd gesture that Wells was highly unappreciative of, but he did outright laugh later when Raven snagged Lexa by the elbow.

“She better come back as the _chillest_ , most _relaxed_ Clarke Griffin tomorrow or you didn’t do your job, understood?”

It was likely the fact that they’d already been drinking for a couple hours at that point to make Raven’s tongue that loose (not really), but Lexa turned several shades of crimson before she managed to scurry away and safely back into her bubble with Clarke by the campfire.

Monty and Jasper convinced Anya to try another batch that they swore up and down was less intense than the one from earlier that morning.

“This will mellow you out like nothing you’ve ever had,” Jasper said. “It’s the sickest shit, I promise.”

“All certified and grade A tested by yours truly and the people you see around yonder,” Monty added.

Soon after, Anya was a blissful puddle of goo, silently propped up against a log and curled into Harper’s side, who didn’t mind since she was pretty gone herself.

The evening stretched out as they laughed, ate, drank, ate, and drank some more. Other substances were introduced, but alcohol was the timeless majority.

Clarke and Lexa drank as well, but Clarke only had enough to make sure she was slightly buzzed and no more. She had her mind set on far more tonight and wouldn’t risk it for anything.

A large group of them were playing cards and some were using it as a drinking game while others were actually just playing cards. Clarke and Lexa were side by side with such comfort and familiarity that it seemed inherently natural, as if they’d always been that way. As if they weren’t two people who just met four days ago.  


Clarke held her cards in one hand as she leaned into Lexa, shoulders pressed together, and she whispered much lower, closer to her ear than was probably necessary. “Let’s go.”

Lexa looked around to see if anyone had noticed. “Now?”  
  
Clarke nodded. It was her turn to go so she picked her cards and threw one back smoothly before turning to Lexa again with a expectant bite of her bottom lip. 

“Hey, heart eyes! It’s your turn.”

Lexa didn’t know who said it, but she snapped back to the game and quickly went, though Clarke was pretty sure she didn’t even pay attention to what move she made and she hid her smile behind her hand.  


With the game moving on to Miller, and eyes were off them, Lexa leaned back on her hands, seemingly casual. “We can do that.”

She nodded towards the beach and put her cards down, ready to stand, but Clarke held her down.

“Wait.” She searched across the fire for her friend and caught Raven's gaze.  


It was a look shared between best friends and that’s all they needed.

Raven nodded with a wink and stood up suddenly.  
  
“All right, I’m bored! Enough of this. Anyone got a problem with loud noises?” 

“You can’t blow stuff up,” Bellamy said lazily (or drunkenly - yet to be determined), “we’ll have the rangers coming after us.”

“I will blow up whatever I damn well please. We are in the wilderness for fuck’s sake. But that’s not the point!”

“What’s the point then?” Brian asked.

She clapped her hands together with a mischievous smirk. “Get ready for a show!”

As Raven set off some of her (illegal) fireworks, Clarke used the distraction to quietly slip away with Lexa into the dark, down to the beach as quickly as they could.  


“You’ll have to hold this up the whole time, okay?” Lexa said, pushing them out while Clarke was already seated in the dinghy with a powerful flashlight.  
  
“I think I can manage,” Clarke said sarcastically and promptly dropped it into the water. “Shit!” She fished it out quickly, thank God it floated, and held onto it tightly with burning cheeks, refusing to look at Lexa because she knew the face that would be waiting for her. 

“Got it now?” she asked, amusement in her voice, as she climbed in.  
  
“Yep.”  
  
Lexa was trying to maneuver around Clarke in the back, in the dark, but it wasn’t going well. "You need to move up.”

"No,” Clarke replied simply.  


She was perfectly content right where she was.

Lexa sighed in fond exasperation. “Clarke, I need room to get it started and the boat needs our weight distributed more evenly. Do you not feel the bow halfway in the air?”

“Just go slowly,” she replied stubbornly.

"You’re impossible.”

“Do you _really_ want me to move?”

Lexa had ended up with Clarke between her legs, warm and snug, pressed up against her front as she grappled for the switch so the question truly gave her pause.

She swallowed thickly and said nothing.

“What I thought,” Clarke replied smugly. “So get it moving already.”

* * *

Flashlights in one hand and laced fingers with the other as they made their way through Anya and Lincoln’s camp and down the path towards Lexa’s tent.

Clarke’s heart hammered against her chest.

Lexa had prepped her fire before she left earlier. After a quick strike of a match, a spark, there was a suddenly a healthy fire burning before them. Clarke was relieved because there was no moon tonight and it was heavily dark even with their flashlights.

Still…Lexa was right.

Having her there made all the difference.

“Hungry? I have some snacks.”

Clarke shook her head.

Lexa seemed nervous. The same Lexa whom her friends called ‘Commander’. The one who appeared as unflappable and as in control as a person could get. She was _nervous_. It was so incredibly endearing and it only made Clarke want her more.

“How about some tea? Oh, you don’t drink it. Um, water? I could make coffee even.”

Clarke rolled her eyes fondly and turned away from Lexa, unzipping her tent before ducking in without a word. The was a beat before Lexa heard her from inside.  


“Oh my God, your mattress pad is incredible!”  
  
Chuckling at that, Lexa, in just a tank top and shorts, followed in after her.  
  
“Only the best will do,” she said as she climbed in and found Clarke barefoot, sprawled on top of Lexa’s blankets.  
  
"This is twice the size of mine!” She raised herself up on her elbows with a suspicious look. “Is this how you get all the girls when you go camping? Lure them in with your promise of a fantastic night’s sleep?”

“Mmm,” Lexa said lowly, as she inched forward, hands trembling, body tingling, and most significantly, throbbing between her thighs. “You’ve figured me out.”

Clarke pulled off her sweatshirt with one easy tug. She wasn’t wearing anything underneath and Lexa forgot to breathe.

“Well…” she gazed up at her with heavy lidded eyes, “it worked.”

Speechless and utterly awestruck at the sight of Clarke topless before her, Lexa wanted to wait, to take a moment, trying to drink it all in, but she didn’t get nearly as long as she wanted. Clarke grabbed her and pulled her all the way into the tent until they were tumbling backwards into the blankets.

Lips and moans and tongues and hands and whimpers and bare skin and greediness.  


Such…such _need_.

Lexa broke away suddenly - panting, with her kiss swollen mouth, and her hair already in disarray from Clarke’s inability to keep her hands out of it.  


“It’s been a while for me,” she explained quickly at Clarke’s worried expression.

There was a moment where nothing happened, just silence between harsh breaths and gentle sounds of the nightlife surrounding them. Then Clarke smiled, cupping Lexa’s cheek, tracing her jawline before running down her neck. She urged Lexa onto her back and stretched out on top of her in the most self indulgent, luxuriously sexy way that had Lexa’s whole body ramped into overdrive in every place they touched - which was everywhere. The weight of Clarke on top of her, those soft curves melding into her, her thigh between her legs, pressed achingly high, was a pleasure and a torment unlike anything Lexa could remember feeling. She slid her palms up Clarke’s smooth, naked back, raking her nails ever so slightly over the gooseflesh. There were lightning hot streaks down to her core that left her near gasping.  


_Was it even possible to want someone this much? Had she made this all up in her head?_

_It couldn’t be real._  


Clarke’s breath was hot and sweet against her lips - so, _so_ close, but she wouldn’t kiss her. Gently, she brushed some of the curls away from Lexa’s face as she smiled down at her, blue eyes with blown pupils piercing through the darkness.

“I’ve got you.”

Her voice was huskier than Lexa had ever heard it and the words were familiar. They were same words of reassurance echoed back to her that she gave Clarke earlier that day in the water.  


It was an unspoken promise - they would take care of each other.  


Lexa nodded soundlessly, accepting Clarke's comfort, and pulled her back down so they were lost.


	12. Chapter 12

Glistening, sticky, satiated, and utterly boneless - Clarke sighed blissfully as Lexa kissed her way back up her body before she curled into Clarke’s side, pillowing her head on her shoulder. There was a moment of perfect, lovely silence as Clarke stared up at the tent ceiling, unable to stop smiling, while combing her fingers through Lexa’s hair.  


“I can’t believe it took so long to convince you to sleep with me.”

Lexa choked on air. “ _What?_ ”

She raised her head, shocked, but Clarke was still just as relaxed and unperturbed as ever.

“Eight months is a while, don’t you think?“

” _Clarke_.“  
  
“Two months would have worked.”

Lexa’s eyes widened. “That would mean…”

“The day we met, yeah.” She shrugged casually. “I would have been okay with that.”

“You had a _head wound_ ,” Lexa stressed and reached up to gingerly trace the small little cut near Clarke’s hairline.

“I still wanted you.” She turned enough to press a kiss to Lexa’s forehead.  


Lexa scoffed. “You barely knew what was happening at the time. You were in shock.”

“I knew enough.”

She shook her head disbelievingly. So Clarke rolled them over, punctuating each word with a kiss laved on each clavicle.  


“I. Wanted. You.”

She came up to Lexa’s lips and kissed her deeply.

"And I know you wanted me too.”

Lexa was feeling too wonderfully dreamy to care, but she tried. “How’s that?”

“You took my shirt off before you even knew my name.”

“ _Clarke_ …” She was a little exasperated, but knew Clarke was teasing.

“Admit it.”

“Yes…” she said with a sigh. “I wanted you. But I felt so guilty because you were obviously in distress and I shouldn’t have been feeling–”

"It’s understandable,” Clarke interrupted, meeting her lips again before pulling back with a shrug. “I’m really hot. It happens all the time.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “And you’re so modest too.”

“Are you gonna tell me I’m wrong?”

“ _No_ …”  


She flipped them over suddenly, eliciting a gasp from Clarke, and leaned down to brush their lips with the barest of contact. “You are very hot.” She kissed her way down Clarke’s throat and the valley of her breasts. “And incredibly sexy.” She palmed her with one hand while her mouth worked wonders on the other. Clarke’s hands went into her hair encouragingly with a soft moan.  “But most of all…” Lexa moved up so she was peering right down into Clarke’s eyes. “So beautiful.”

She captured Clarke’s lips again.  
  
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Clarke teased.

Lexa kissed her harder and with enough urgency that Clarke didn’t have any more time to speak or even think enough to formulate a sentence.

There were more important things to attend to.  


* * *

Sometime after the first or the second, but definitely before the third, Clarke realized that the tent flap was still open.  


“Should we close that?”

The fire had long since died down to glowing embers, but it was a warm night with a gentle breeze. It was dark - save for the stars - thousands of them, millions of them, bursting against a midnight sky, freed and alive away from man-made components that always dulled them so.  


It exposed them to the elements, gave them what would be a stunning view of the lake come dawn, but it also opened them up to being very, _very_ caught if either of Lexa’s friends decided to pop on by.

“They value my friendship.” Lexa nuzzled into Clarke’s neck, leaving hot, open mouthed kisses down her bare shoulder. “They wouldn’t dare step foot near us right now.”

Clarke grinned lazily, eyes twinkling with mirth. “Aye, aye, Commander.”

It was a bit of a novelty to her to trust people with respecting her privacy. She loved her friends, but that was not an element of any of her relationships with them. Yet Lexa was so steadfast and confident in the loyalty Lincoln and Anya showed her. There was an intense sense of respect between those three that wasn’t what Clarke was used to seeing, but she admired it.  


“It’s not a Naval title.”

“Oh, I wasn’t aware it was an official title at all. Pardon me, General. Do you have three or four stars? Army? Air Force? Marine?”

Lexa ignored her teasing and, instead, reached out to smooth the sleeping bag and blankets. “Are you comfortable?” She fussed around a bit until Clarke stilled her by stretching out like a cat, arms above her head, back arched, before she settled back down. She was unabashedly naked and content as shown by the corners of her mouth turned up in the tiniest little smirk.

Lexa had to lean down and kiss those plush lips for hundredth, if not thousandth, time that night. They were too delicious to deny. Which seemed to be exactly what Clarke was hoping for.  


She laid back down down under the blankets with Clarke’s bare skin to warm her.

"How long was it?”

Lexa stiffened, but tried to keep her tone light. “Why? Was it that bad?”

Clarke snorted and it was so loud that she actually alarmed herself and she covered her mouth with her hand in embarrassment.

_Bad?_

_No._

_No. No. No._

_In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she had ever come so hard. To a point where she wondered if she ever had… Lexa was practically inhuman. A mythical creature that Clarke had to be hallucinating because Lexa was really…oh, and she means really…good._

_Maybe this was all some sort of elaborate and strangely linear coma dream that Clarke was having because instead of this woman saving her when she was marooned on the rock, she actually hit her head hard enough to cause brain damage._

_Maybe not._

_But Lexa was (and Clarke quite honestly could cry about it) so-fucking-good._

_Just another thing to add to her list of lifetime achievements. Lifeguard, soccer star, young business mogul, and sex goddess._  


Finally, Clarke got herself under control enough to calmly say, “Clearly _not_. _”  
_

_She was confident that Lexa was paying enough attention to notice the several occasions tonight where she’d proven herself more than adept…_

_How could she not? Clarke always tended to lean towards being the louder type and tonight had been no exception._  


“I only wondered because it was long enough to make you worry.”

Lexa was clearly uncomfortable with the topic, but she answered anyway. “Not since my ex.”

“And when was that?” she treaded carefully, knowing she was pushing boundaries that didn’t need to be pushed - not yet at least.

There was a pause.  


“Four years.”

Clarke’s mouth formed an ‘o’ as her eyes went twice as wide.

“Wh…really?”

Maybe that was the wrong reaction, but seeing this gorgeous specimen of a woman before her and thinking about exactly how _long_ four years was… She couldn’t wrap her head around it, much less process the fact that Lexa had so easily, so willingly, so repletely, given herself over to Clarke when this was… Not that it wasn’t _significant_ to Clarke too, but she enjoyed an active sex life without emotions having to go too deep.  


This was something so new to her.  


Different.  


She could name all the ways it was and yet not a single word could come out of her mouth because they evaporated once fully formed. Slipping out of her mind and into her hands instead - her lips, her body - expressing it with adoration over Lexa’s incredible body instead.  


_Four years and she chose me?_

Her chest had never felt so full, never ached so much for something like this.

For _someone_.  


“Would it be all right if we talked about something else?” Lexa asked, not unkindly.  


A quiet plea. 

Clarke accepted it without question.  


“You know, we don’t have to talk at all…”

There was a wolfish grin with her eyebrow ticked high to show just what she meant.  


Tense and fearing melted into relief and eagerness, Lexa smiled gratefully and slipped back into Clarke’s arms.  


But Clarke didn’t forget it.

* * *

“I can’t sleep.”

“Mmm,” Lexa had been on the verge of nodding off, but she woke herself up at once, “oh, did you want…?”

Clarke gave a low, barking sort of laugh. “ _God_ , I’d love to, but I don’t think I’m physically capable of it…without some rest.”

_Okay, just thinking about it had her second guessing that answer._

_Maybe she did have the energy for–_

But Lexa already had an alternative ready.  


“How about a moonlight swim?”

Clarke frowned. “There’s no moon out tonight.”

“A _starlight_ swim then.”

“I thought we established my swimming issues and now you want me to go out there in the pitch black?”

“I’ll protect you,” Lexa teased, already convinced of her great idea, and pushed back the covers.

“Wait…”  


Clarke held her back, but when Lexa looked at her questioningly, waiting, she realized she had nothing to say. She just didn’t want to let go. She didn’t want them to leave this bubble, otherwise known as a tent. She didn’t want this moment to end.

Lexa seemed to realize this and her gaze softened almost impossibly. She pulled Clarke towards her, brushing past her lips and dropped to her neck, breathing her in, touching her nose there before she laved sweet kisses over soft skin and Clarke shivered at the way her warm breath tickled and aroused all at once. Lexa held her tightly, but didn’t say a word.

“We’re coming right back here,” Clarke said.

It wasn’t a question.

“Yes, we are.”

She coaxed Clarke out of the tent, quickly throwing a few logs onto the fire to stoke it up again, before grabbing her hand. They ran off towards the water together, naked and giggling, shocked by the cool water, and then with goosebumps raised against the cooler air.

Lexa retrieved her shampoo and soap and they took turns helping each other. All smiles and familiarity in the dark. Clarke stayed close or Lexa kept her close, they couldn’t tell.  


Soft whispers, caressing hands, delicious slipperiness between their bodies as the soap lathered and shampoo was massaged into wet hair. They felt their way through it even though their eyes had long since adjusted to the dark and the small light from Lexa’s campfire kept them grounded.

The stars seemingly magnified above their heads and Lexa coaxed Clarke onto her back, dipping her under the water to rinse away the shampoo. She came back up with a gasp and wiped her eyes, but Lexa's presence was calm and reassuring. 

The sky was vast and open above Clarke as she floated on her back in Lexa’s arms.

“Lexa?”

“Hm?”

She didn’t have anything planned, nothing she needed to ask, nothing she needed to say. Their silence had been comfortable, so she didn’t know why she had spoken at all.

_Her name._

_She just wanted to say her name._

“Nothing.”


	13. Chapter 13

“Clarke’s back!” Monty squeaked in a high pitched, childlike voice.  


He was planted in the sand, half covered in it, and clearly floating on a brand new high, when Clarke pulled up with Lexa.  


Clarke kissed Lexa goodbye, lingering for as they could possibly get away with, and watched as she sped off – the silly grin refusing the leave her face – until she couldn’t see the dinghy anymore, then finally headed back to camp. She flashed Monty a grin and stopped momentarily to squeeze his cheeks in playful affection before pulling his beanie down over his eyes and pecked him on the lips.

Monty feigned swooning and collapsed into a confused Jasper’s arms.

“When did you go to UNC?” Jasper asked, referring to the new t-shirt Clarke was sporting, but she just kept walking.  


Making her way up into the campsite, she strolled past a sprawled out group of girls, all engaged in different topics of conversation with each other.

“What are we up to today?” she asked breezily, still headed towards her tent.

“No one can decide yet,” Octavia replied.

Raven nodded tiredly towards some of the boys bickering by the trees. “They’re still battling it out.”

“Okay,” Clarke hummed dreamily. It hardly registered. “Let me know whenever they figure it out.“

She strolled off without another word, leaving a stunned group behind her.

"Oh. My. God.” Octavia gaped after her.

Raven did a happy dance from her seat as she cackled gleefully.  


Harper jabbed her finger in Clarke’s direction, dumbfounded. “She totally didn’t care that it’s noon and no one has a plan?”

“I’ve _never_ seen…” Zoe trailed off, stupefied. “Shouldn’t we be worried about this?”

“Worried that Clarke is relaxing and having a good time?” Gina asked incredulously, looking back and forth.

“You don’t get it,” Harper said. “Every single group outing or vacation that we have ever taken with her has always been mapped out from A to Z. Like, she prints out itineraries and has at least two back up plans in case any of the first choices fall through."

"We’re mostly grateful for those tendencies," Zoe picked up with a shrug, "because none of us would actually get to do anything if it wasn’t for her bossing everyone around."

“I think we’ve been managing just fine without her…”  


“Clarke got laid!” Raven burst out squealing, obviously not listening to them, and clapped to herself as she collapsed back into her chair. “Oh, Princess deserves it. Thank God.”

“More than _laid_.” Octavia shook her head in disbelief. “Last night must have been like _atomic_ levels of sex for Clarke Griffin to act like that.”

“If it lasts more than a couple hours, we’re _so_ sending Lexa a fruit basket when we get home,” Raven said.

"Is that a euphemism?” Harper asked.

“No? I just thought she’d be into fruit… She’s healthy and all that.”

“What about candles?” Gina offered.

“Why did we automatically rule out flowers?” Zoe asked with a frown. “That’s pretty much a classic.”

“First of all, it’s _boring_ ,” Raven tossed back with a look. “Second, we’re trying to impress upon longevity here, not give her something that dies in a week. It’s the _symbolism_ that counts.”

“You have thought _wayyyy_ too much about this already…” Gina muttered under her breath.  


Clarke popped up behind them again with her face freshly scrubbed, a change of clothes, and carrying a toothbrush.

“What are you guys talking about?”

“Whether Lexa would prefer a basket of fruit, candles, or a flower arrangement,” Raven answered bluntly.

"Why would you send her–?”

“For sexing you up properly.”

Octavia sat back in her chair with a wave of her hands, adding, “ _Duh._ ”

Clarke could only stare.  


* * *

She spent a couple hours with her friends, helping them sort out plans for everyone to split up into smaller groups and go off exploring, before Lexa came back to pick her up after getting some supplies.

“Did you know there’s a lakeside equivalent of a convenience store nearby?” Clarke told them. “You just dock your boat at their place and head up the hill to go shopping. It’s so cool!”

Unfortunately, she received lackluster responses and some mumbles of “cool”, “great…”. They did not find it as new and fascinating as Clarke did.

But that’s what Lexa was off doing while Clarke checked in with them, freshened up, and packed up some of the necessities she wanted to have since she was _definitely_ spending the night again (and every night until they had to leave) with Lexa. Raven was officially given her own tent at this point.  


They were going hiking again and Clarke was even more excited for it than she was the first time because now she felt like she could embrace it without worrying so much about what Lexa would think of her being a novice.

Since the delinquents were all ready to do their own thing, no one batted an eye when Lexa appeared again, and was gone with Clarke in a flash. At least, no one except Finn. But they weren’t talking about that.  


* * *

They’d been walking for a while, the conversation ebbing and flowing naturally through many different topics. It came so easily.

_It was all so easy._

Clarke didn’t understand it one bit, yet it she believed in it with her entire being.

_So sure._

They’d been quiet for a bit, only the sound of the crunching leaves, twigs under their feet and the rustling of the trees, the forest, around them. Clarke’s thoughts turned to her Dad. Just for a brief flash. It happened pretty often. At any given moment, there would be a flash of a memory or even just the thought of his name. Sometimes it stayed and she would wallow in it - almost for comfort in itself, but most times it would just be a brief stab of pain before she was able to move back into the present.

She didn’t know what had prompted it this time, maybe she wondered what he would think of her up in the mountains, doing some actual hiking while on a honest to goodness camping trip. Would he laugh? Would he be pleased? Would he tease her about not being able to shower properly for two weeks? Probably all of the above.

Lexa was in front of her - her pace steady as ever though Clarke was certain she was going at half the speed she normally would for Clarke’s sake.

“Do you think about them?”

Lexa didn’t stop or turn around. It was several beats before she replied.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Grief is useless, Clarke. I learned that a long time ago. The dead are gone…and the living?” She glanced back over her shoulder. “The living are hungry.“

Clarke mulled over that for a few long moments as they hiked up a particularly steep incline. Lexa got a little further ahead as Clarke was slowing.

"Did you get that out of a book or something?”

“No.”

“It’s a little over-dramatic, don’t you think?”  
  
“You sound like Anya.”  
  
“What? Why?”  
  
“She always tells me that I’m too dramatic. She called me ‘Lextra’ for a solid 6 months.”  
  
“That’s…" Clarke chuckled, "that’s actually pretty good,”   
  
Lexa was not amused. “It was incredibly juvenile.”

“How old were you?”

“12.”

Clarke outright laughed.

“It was still juvenile!” Lexa insisted.

She shook her head, still laughing. “Whatever you say, _Little Lextra_.”

Clarke heard the smallest groan and her smile grew even wider.

“Oh my god! That’s it, isn’t it? How could you leave out "little”? That’s even better!“

"I regret saying anything at all,” Lexa grumbled and surged ahead with a sudden burst of energy, clearly meaning to leave Clarke in the dust. She disappeared around a turn in the trail and Clarke rolled her eyes.

"You and Anya are far more alike than I thought at first!”

A disembodied voice called back through the thicket. “How so?”

Clarke stopped to rest against a small birch tree, sweaty and out of breath, but she couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

“You’re both incredibly dramatic.”

* * *

Clarke was tired at the top, but when she tried to sit down, Lexa hauled her onto her feet again. She spouted off things about cool downs and lactic acid build up, things that Clarke was fully aware of having been a one time med student, but she didn’t care, and said as much.

She tried to sit down again, but Lexa refused.

“Your body will thank me later.”

Clarke smirked at that. She leaned in seductively, pressing their lower halves together and trailed a finger up the bare skin of Lexa’s bicep. “I’m pretty sure my body thanks you already.”  


Lexa blushed, entranced by Clarke’s mouth, but when Clarke leaned in to kiss her, she ducked and snagged her hand instead to pull her towards a higher elevation. Clarke pouted behind her, but resolved to find out just _how_ opposed Lexa was to outdoor exhibition…and if she could convince her otherwise.

She was pretty confident she could.

They walked around for a bit, climbing over rocks, exploring nooks and crannies of of the cliffside, taking in the view, until Lexa finally gave the okay.

Clarke collapsed gratefully on a bed of moss. The view was extraordinary, but, really, all she wanted to do at the moment was take a nap in the warm sunlight.

"Would that be lame?”

Lexa was already kneeling and rooting around in her backpack. She handed Clarke a bottle of water, which Clarke guzzled greedily, and then pulled out a blanket.

“Are we having a picnic?”

“Smartasses don’t get to nap on comfy blankets.”  


"You are a brilliant and thoughtful woman who knows everything there is to know about the wilderness and I would not have survived past day one here without you.”

“Much better.”

Lexa shook it out and laid it over the moss. Clarke lazily rolled over until she was on top of it with a happy sigh. Lexa pulled away the blue shirt that Clarke had around her waist and balled it up to place under Clarke’s head.

She grinned up at her. “You’re kind of sweet, you know?”

“Take your nap.”

“What about you?”

“I brought a book.”

“You brought a book? On a hike?”

“Are you judging?”

“I’m expressing surprise. Also kinda worried you thought you’d be so bored with me that you’d need a book…”

“It’s called being prepared. Close your eyes, Clarke.”   


Lexa settled in next to her with her pack under her head and a book in her hands. Green mountains rolled out before them under a clear blue sky, with sweet, clean air to breathe, while the sun poured down on them lovingly, warming them far deeper than bone.  


“So you don’t think I’m boring?”

“Of course not.”

Clarke closed her eyes and smiled at how good it felt, how giddy it made her, to have Lexa pressed against her side. It was quiet and safe as she drifted off.

It was a kind of peace she’d never known.


	14. Chapter 14

Clarke woke to the gentle sound of birds chirping, sunlight making the tent glow, and Lexa – exquisitely beautiful Lexa – sound asleep at her side.

She also woke in a tremendous amount of pain.

She tried to sit up, but even the smallest lift of her arm sent her muscles into spasms and reduced her to near tears. Even just taking a deep breath caused shooting pains through her ribs and into her back.   


She couldn’t move.

It had to have been her pathetic whimper that woke her because suddenly instead of staring at the fabric wall, Lexa’s worried face filled her vision.

“Clarke?”

“I’m all right.”

But she said it through gritted teeth and gasped in pain at the end of it because she stupidly tried to sit up again.  


“ _Okay,_ I’m a little sore,” she admitted, but her voice cracked, giving away just how bad off she was.

Lexa leaned down, kissing her forehead and cheek reassuringly, as she slid her hand underneath Clarke’s neck gently.

“Tell me where.”

She started kneading into the tired, strained, muscles of Clarke’s neck. It was a feather light touch, but even that hurt. She felt bruised and tender all over - like someone tried to beat her within an inch of her life.  


“Everywhere,” Clarke groaned miserably.

Lexa found her shoulders, rubbing as carefully as she could, but Clarke still yelped at first contact and held her breath to keep herself from groaning.   


Lexa was growing more and more concerned by the second and Clarke couldn’t really blame her because, at this point, she felt like they were going to have airlift her home because her body was permanently locked into this position.

“Here?” Lexa asked, running her hands down Clarke’s side and pressed her thumbs gently into her abdomen.

“Ah!” she cried, surprised at the tenderness. “What th–! I’m not supposed to have muscle there! You’re the one with abs, not me! What is _happening_?”  


Lexa shook her head sympathetically, dropping her hands lower to curl around Clarke’s lovely, round hips, under her thighs, before hooking behind her knees and bent her legs ever so slightly towards her chest.  


“This?”

Clarke nearly jumped out of her skin. It was like that tiny movement, Lexa pushing on her thigh, was going to snap every ligament, muscles, and tendon there. Everything was wound as tight as a rubber band and it was ready to break.  


Clarke’s pained face and loud cry was enough of an answer. Lexa exhaled deeply, setting her back down.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling like this?" she asked, guilt written all over her face. "We could have taken it easy. We didn’t have to go kayaking for the whole day yesterday.”

“No, I’ve just been a little sore,” she protested weakly, “there was nothing to tell, but this morning it seems like my body has decided to go on strike. I don’t…I told you, I’m not the most active person.”

“We went overboard.” Lexa sighed again. “Okay, I’m going to get you some of the emergency heating packs and some ibuprofen, but the best thing you can do is start moving. It’ll help loosen you up.”

“I can’t.” Clarke shook her head firmly.

“Just make it outside. I’ll have breakfast for you and ask Lincoln to come over.”

“Lincoln?”

“He’s a physical therapist. He’ll be able to stretch you out.”

“Oh…I forgot…th-that sounds really good actually.”

It was overwhelming to be in this much pain and to feel so helpless on top of it. She didn’t realize there were tears at the corner of her eyes until Lexa was wiping them away with her thumb.

“You’re going to be all right,” she murmured soothingly, running her hands through Clarke’s hair before cupping her face. “It’ll be okay. I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“I pushed you into overdoing it. I wasn’t paying enough attention. I’m sorry, Clarke. I didn’t know–”

“Stop, it’s not your fault.” Clarke licked her dry lips. “Like you said, I’m going to be fine. And, not to be rude or anything, but I could _really_ use that ibuprofen and some water now. _Please_.”

“Of course.”   


Lexa left at once and Clarke released an anguished sigh. Time was counting down and this was not how they should be spending their day - with Clarke totally immobilized.

_9 days._

_They’d been together for 9 days. Or a year and half._

_Which means they only had 5 days left, less than that even.  
_

_Less than 120 hours._

They still hadn’t broached the subject of what happens when time’s up. They talked about everything and anything but. Clarke was kind of grateful for it. She didn’t want to think about that part.

But she still counted the days, the hours, and there was just a void at the end of the clock. A future she purposely refused to see.

_5 days left with Lexa. That’s all she knew._   


Clarke cursed her body’s betrayal with the foulest words she could think of. This was not only going to waste at least a full 24 hours of her time with Lexa, but it also turned her into a pathetic, out of shape mess, in front of one of the most giftedly athletic people she knew – which happened to be the girl she really, really, really liked.

That alone was enough to make Clarke want to cry.

In retrospect, she knew she should have been more careful. She should have anticipated that her body wouldn’t take kindly to a sudden upheaval in her routine. It wasn’t like Clarke lived a sedentary lifestyle, but she certainly didn’t do anything like what she’d spent the last week doing - hiking, kayaking, paddleboarding, white water rafting (she went with Lexa and a group of their friends that wanted to go again after their first trip), swimming lessons, and then in between it all, she was partaking in very frequent, very pleasurable, and very strenuous activities with Lexa.

(By the way, Lexa was totally over her shyness about spontaneous moments of passion in the wilderness and Clarke took full credit.) 

Lexa came back with water and some medicine, along with heating packs that she placed on some of Clarke’s worst spots – her neck, shoulders, and lower back – and wrapped them tightly with gauze to keep them in place. Eventually she managed to pull a t-shirt and shorts on Clarke and they worked together to get her out of the tent and into a chair. Clarke looked a real sight, hobbling and hunched over as she made her way out.  


It was the most excruciating experience and once Clarke finally reached the chair, she shifted to the least uncomfortable position, which was still incredibly uncomfortable, and swore that she was never moving again and no one could make her.

Lexa brought her hot coffee and breakfast from Lincoln and Anya’s site, using Clarke’s distraction over food to massage her shoulders and neck before she could complain about it hurting too much.

Clarke sighed and leaned into Lexa before long, leaving her breakfast forgotten, and her coffee mug was just warmth for her hands. She was lost in the pain/relief that Lexa’s touch brought her.

“Am I hurting you?”

“Yes,” Clarke hummed, eyes closed, “but in a good way.”

Lexa kissed the top of her head.

“Think you’re ready for Lincoln?”

“Does he really know what he’s doing?”

“They gave him a license and all.”

“From where?”

Lexa snorted. “Are you really going to be elitist about this right now?”

“ _Noooo_ …” She scoffed exaggeratedly and then paused. “Maybe.”

“Where’s the patient?” Lincoln’s voice boomed just before he came into view from the trail through the trees. “Yow,” he winced, “you’re a real mess, girl.”

“I knew I liked you for a reason,” Clarke shot back sardonically with an eyeroll, sipping her coffee.

Lexa stopped her work into Clarke’s sore muscles to approach Lincoln and, inwardly, Clarke bemoaned the loss. She might have even whined.   


She really hoped they didn’t hear that though.

“You didn’t tell Anya, did you?”

“Nope, just said I was going to check in with you and Clarke. She, uh, warned me about, um, coming over here though with all the _groaning_ …”   


He was highly flustered and embarrassed having to say it, which amused Clarke to no end.

If you could call how she was feeling right now “amused”…

Lexa was visibly relieved though and thanked him. Lincoln bypassed her to crouch in front of a very stiff and awkward Clarke who was curled in a near fetal position in her chair.

“What do you need?” Lexa asked him.  


“Lay out a bunch of towels on the sand - that’s the best we can work with here.”

Lexa was off at once and Lincoln went through a series of questions with Clarke, asking her to describe the pain, on a scale of 1-10, where it was the worst, etc. Clarke answered them all with great reluctance.   


It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Lincoln - more like she didn’t want to look even weaker than she already did in front of Lexa. And she had a feeling things with Lincoln were going to get worse before they got better.

“Okay, let’s get you up and down to the beach. We’re gonna warm those muscles up and ease some of that pain for you. The worst time is in the morning after you’ve been stationary all night.”

“Oh, you want me to move?” Clarke burst out laughing. “Yeah, _no_ , that’s not happening.”

“ _Clarke_ …”  


She turned to look at Lexa who had rejoined them, and winced because, damn it, that hurt.   


“I’m not going anywhere. I’m perfectly fine here,” she insisted. “In fact, I feel better already! No need to worry about a thing.”

Lincoln looked to Lexa for permission and she gave him a curt nod. Before Clarke knew it, Lexa took her coffee and Lincoln lifted her into the air, still locked in a fetal position and all.

“Wha– Wait! No! Ow! Shit…”

But it wasn’t like she could move enough to physically protest.

“It’s for your own good, Clarke,” Lexa said firmly.  


Lincoln laid her down on the beach towels put over the sand. The sun was higher in the sky already and it was getting warmer.

“I’m going to really hate this, aren’t I?”

Lincoln gave her a sympathetic look. “It’ll be worth it, I promise.”

Clarke sighed, gritting her teeth. “Fuck, just do it,”

The first few stretches were excruciating and Clarke was trying to keep it in, but there were a lot of yelps and groaning and her face was bright red with exertion. But then it seemed like her body was getting the message and started to loosen slightly. The pain was still there, burning through her agonizingly, but it was either lessening or Clarke was just getting used to it.

“Breathe through it,” Lincoln said for the umpteenth time.   


He was a very large man, strong, imposing, but deceptively gentle. He seemed to know exactly how far to push her before the pain became too much. Instinct and training told him where her limits were and, honestly, Clarke was torn between kissing him and beating him over the head very violently with a bat.   


“Would it be okay if I walked Lexa through what I was doing?” he asked, looking Clarke in the eye. “That way she can do this for you next time. It won’t be as bad as this one though - first is the worst.”

Lexa was out of earshot, busy getting water and more heating packs for Clarke. Ice packs would be next and they already talked about running up to the store to get some ice for her today.

“Oh, um, y-yeah.” Clarke grunted as he pushed her leg higher than it was willing to go at the moment. “Would she even want to do that though? I don’t want to make her feel weird…”

Lincoln chuckled, shifting positions so he was using his own weight to lean into Clarke and bent her knee towards her chest. It was torturous, but somehow felt like the right kind of hurt, so Clarke just focused on breathing and keeping her body relaxed.

“Trust me, she wouldn’t find it weird. In fact, I can tell she’s kind of pissed off with herself for not knowing this in the first place.”

“She’s an overachiever,” Clarke said, strained.

“That too.” He flashed her a pearly white grin. “But I think this is more about her wanting to be able to take care of you.”

“Oh…”

She had a moment to breathe easy again when he released her leg and transitioned to the next.

“So, was that a yes?”

Clarke nodded, not really trusting herself to say anything.  


Lincoln called out to Lexa and she almost ran to them, concerned and eager to be of use.

“I’m gonna walk you through what I’m doing so you can do it for Clarke again later.”

Lexa met Clarke’s eyes, wordlessly asking permission, and Clarke had to smile despite it all. Lexa was just as courteous and respectful as the moment she found her stranded in the middle of the lake.  


Lincoln talked her through each stretch, over Clarke’s various grunting and groaning. She was on her side now, facing the trees, as he seemed to want to try to separate her lower half from her top half. That’s why she saw Anya and Octavia before Lincoln and Lexa did.

Octavia was bewildered while Anya remained aloof and expressionless.

“Oh, no…” Clarke bemoaned.

“Is it too–” Lexa cut herself off when she followed her eye-line up to the two newcomers.  


Lexa squeezed her eyes shut, fighting an internal battle, before she gathered enough composure to stand up and face Anya.  


“Whoa, Clarke…you all right?” Octavia asked, coming down to the beach, passing Lexa who was heading towards her friend.  


“Just peachy,” Clarke gritted out, breathing hard, as Lincoln continued to contort her body.

“Hi.” Octavia smiled softly at Lincoln.

“Hi.” Lincoln smiled back.

 “Lexa…” Anya said casually as she approached, just the slightest hint of a smirk on her lips, “what did you do to the poor woman?”  


“Nothing. We just overdid it with all the excursions. Clarke isn’t used to it.”

Anya folded her arms across her chest imperiously. “ _Overdid it_ ,” she echoed with a purse of her lips. “I’ll say. Look, I know it’s been a while for you, my friend, but when Clarke asked you to ‘wreck her’, I’m pretty sure this isn’t what she had in mind.”

“Can you _not_?” Lexa hissed and glanced back worriedly at Clarke to see if she heard.  


_She did.  
_

_She was just too busy having her body twisted into a knot to care at the moment._

Anya raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow. “Really, Lexa…” she tutted, “I know we’re in the wilderness and you had to improvise, but surely you could have been a little more careful? I mean, _look_ at her. Were you shoving a pine cone up–”

“ _Enough_!” she snapped, eyes ablaze with warning. “This is not the time, Anya. Go.” She pointed towards the trees with an expression on her fact that Anya knew very, very well. “ _Now._ ”

“All right,” she conceded, holding her hands up as she backed away, sparing one more amused glance at Clarke. “But just so you know, Commander, – you broke it, you bought it.”

“I swear to God–!” She took a step towards her, but Anya had already slipped back into the woods, her laughter echoing long after she was out of sight. 


	15. Chapter 15

“Well, you look more or less back to normal.”

Clarke shifted in her chair next to the campfire pit and propped her feet up on a pile of logs. They’d just finished dinner and the sky had darkened in deep twilight.

“Why, yes, I am feeling better, Anya. Thank you.”

She'd been out of commission for a full day, but Lexa swore up and down that she was perfectly happy to rest…with Clarke. The following day started out almost as painful as the first, but with Lincoln and Lexa’s dutiful attention, Clarke was feeling ten times better by mid-day and even went with Lexa for a light hike and they had another swimming lesson.  


_Okay, it was a 30 minute walk on level ground, but considering what her body felt like - it was a hike._

Clarke’s swimming skills had improved significantly since Lexa started helping her. She was right, it’d really just been a matter of practice. Clarke knew the basics, she just needed more time in the water to gain confidence.

_Day 10._

_4 days left.  
_

_Ugh.  
_

Clarke wanted to slap herself. She couldn’t stop the countdown. It didn’t matter what they were doing or where she was, a sudden flash of the invisible hour glass would smack her upside the head before vanishing quick as it came.  


“So you ready to be up and kicking before dawn?” Anya asked.  
  
“What are you talking about?”  
  
“Fishing,” she said as though it were obvious. “We’re out of here at 4am. I’m surprised Lexa didn’t warn you… I don’t think it’d come as a pleasant surprise.”  
  
Clarke chuckled. “You’re right, it wouldn’t. But, as it happens, I was _not_ invited to go on your fishing trip tomorrow.”

Anya frowned, confused, and wondering if she’d just stepped in it.

“Lexa said she was going fishing with her friends tomorrow,” Clarke elaborated.

Anya rolled her eyes. “ _Obviously_ , she meant you were invited as well. I doubt she’d even go if you weren’t.”

“No." Clarke shook her head with a knowing smile. "She was very clear about it.”  


The surprise on Anya’s face was hard to ignore, but she didn’t comment on it.  


Clarke and Lexa had talked it over that morning. Lexa went into more detail about what had happened between her and Anya at the beginning of the week and Clarke understood. It wasn’t exactly the same thing as what happened to her with Raven, Wells, and Finn, but she understood. As much as they were both loath to part with each other, it was only for a few hours, and it was for the greater good - their friendships.  


“She said she wanted to spend time with you guys. Which is good because I really should check back in with my friends - make sure no one’s suffered any serious injuries.”

She yawned and stretched her arms over her head, Lexa’s UNC t-shirt riding up as she did so.  


_Wow, her shoulders still really hurt._

_And her arms…_

_And her wrists…_

_Okay, everything still hurt. Just to a lesser degree._  


“I’m gonna sleep in and Bellamy said he’d swing by and get me later in the morning. They’re taking some sailboats out from his Mom’s place. I’ll be back tomorrow for dinner with Octavia to taste some of your hard earned rewards.”

“That’s not how it works,” Lexa teased, joining them, and sat down next to Clarke. “If someone catches the fish, then the person they bring it home to cooks it. It’s only fair.”

“What kind of hunting/gathering bullshit is that?”

“It’s just equal distribution of labor.”

“Well, I wouldn’t distribute any of the cooking labor to Octavia or me because we don’t know a thing about it.”

Lexa rolled her eyes fondly.

“Fine, be freeloaders.”

Clarke leaned into her with a mischievous grin, her hand slipping high on the inside of Lexa’s thigh. “I’ll make it up to you in other ways…” she purred.  


“Deal.”

That came out way too quickly and Lexa flushed a light shade of pink when she realized it, but Clarke just kissed her cheek happily.  
  
Anya feigned retching.  
  
Lexa threw a twig at her.

* * *

The next day, Clarke had only been back with her friends for a few minutes before Finn approached her.  


“Hey, stranger,” he greeted with an easy smile.

She was surprised that he didn’t appear to be high. She could be wrong, but being around this group pretty much made her an expert at being able to pick up on that by now.

“Hi…”

_Yeah, that awkwardness from his blow up was still there._

Clarke wasn’t sure where they stood. To Finn's credit, he picked up on it immediately and nodded in understanding, blowing out a breath.

“I know I apologized already, but I really want to tell you again how sorry I am for acting like that last week. I was…I just made a total ass of myself. I don’t think that way about you, Clarke. You know that.”

_Did she?_

“I admit it. I-I was jealous. I like you. That’s no secret.”

“Finn…”  


“But we’ve always been friends,” he pushed through before she could say more, “no matter what song’s been on, right? So…we’re just listening to different songs now, but I don’t want that to mean we can’t stay friends. That’s what we’re best at. I don’t want to lose you over one stupid, drunken moment where I let my feelings get the best of me.”

Clarke couldn’t help but be drawn into it. She’d always gotten along so well with Finn. He was fun and easy-going. He indulged her in whatever she wanted to do and he always found ways to make her laugh. She truly did consider him a friend, even if there was some sexual attraction that popped up occasionally to blur the lines.

He seemed sincere.

“I accept your apology,” she said with a grateful smile. “And I want us to stay friends too.”

He lit up at once, relieved, and pulled her into a brief, but still slightly awkward hug.

“Well!” he said brightly. “Now that we’re cool again, what do you say to sailing with me today? Unless you’re busy, which I totally understand.”

“Sailing?” Clarke echoed warily. “Just us?”

She wasn’t so sure about them being alone together right now.  


“Yeah!” he said eagerly. “Bellamy’s finished with the catamaran. You wouldn’t have to do a thing - I know you’re still sore.”

“ _Understatement_ ,” Clarke grumbled.

“I’ll do all the work,” he promised. “You just lie there and enjoy the ride. We’ll go all the way up to the dam. It’s a beautiful day and it’d be fun to spend some time together again. It’s really been way too long.”

“Yeah, it really has been…” she admitted.  


Finn’s appeal seemed sincere. They always were good friends despite the other stuff and he seemed to have let go of what was there at the beginning of this trip.

Also, sailing with no work on her part was a far better alternative to Bellamy and Octavia’s idea of a themed Olympic day where everyone would be participating in races in any type of event they could think of. They were currently going over a ranking and point system by the food tent and Clarke’s still healing body was not having any of it.

So, despite her reservations, she caved.  


She was going sailing with Finn.

She really hoped she didn’t make the wrong choice.

* * *

Turns out, it was a surprisingly enjoyable day. They had a great time. The conversation flowed easily, there were lots of laughs, and Finn never got overly flirty. It felt like it always did between them - comfortable.

They spent the better part of the day sailing up the lake and back. There was a cooler full of beer, water, and snacks. Clarke got to lay out and sunbathe on the trampoline (safety net) while Finn managed the rest. There was a small breeze so they cruised slowly, but it was perfect since Finn was the only one managing it. It really was a beautiful day - blue skies, sunshine, green mountains, and calm waters.

Despite having nice breeze, it was still hot with the sun beating down on them. Clarke was glad to have stripped down to her bikini. At one point, she tipped her sunglasses down to get a better look at Finn on the rudder as he yanked off his sweaty shirt, tossing it aside, and took a swig of his beer.  


He looked good - in better shape than she’d ever seen him. She pushed her sunglasses back into place and looked up at the sky with a hint of incredulity.

How quickly things changed.

If this had happened 10 days ago, she would have been all over him. Her cute, flirty friend of several years, an easy catch, no strings, looking tan and fitter than ever? Especially since it’d been a few weeks since she’d had any action… It would have been a no brainer.

Now there was Lexa.

And it didn’t matter if Finn would somehow manage to get the body of a Greek god, because Lexa had the body of a Greek goddess and no one held a candle to her. Not just because of how insanely beautiful she was but…

God, Clarke still really didn’t have the words for it.

Just feelings.

How Lexa made her _feel_.  


Her kindness, her passion, her worth ethic, her wry sense of humor, her loyalty, her brilliant mind, her eyes, her lips, her fingers, her legs, her tongue…

“Clarke?”

“Hm, yeah?” She looked over to where Finn had apparently been calling her.

She wasn’t the least bit embarrassed to have been caught daydreaming.

“You’re looking a little red there.”

“I just put more sunblock on. I’ll be fine.”

“Whatever you say,”  Finn chuckled, “just having flashbacks to sophomore year in Myrtle Beach.”

“What? You’re saying the ripe tomato look didn’t work for me?”

“More like you’d been roasted on a spit…”

“Offense!” She held her arm up in the air like a referee calling a foul. “Offense taken!”

They laughed together and continued reminiscing for a while.  


* * *

Finn dropped Clarke off at their campsite before heading over to the Blake’s lake house with Bellamy, Octavia, and Murphy to return the sailboats (they didn’t have the space to dock them at their site). She used that time to grab a towel and some toiletries to go bathe before Octavia returned and they would head over to Lexa’s site since they said they would be back around this time.

While Clarke did enjoy herself today, she still couldn’t wait to see Lexa. She had a hazy memory of it being dark and the bouncing light of a flashlight as Lexa got dressed, a sweet kiss goodbye, and low whispers of something she didn’t really hear, yet didn’t need to. When she fully woke that morning, the sun was bright, a fire had already been prepped, and a cooler with breakfast had been set out for her.

Clarke’s heart just melted.

She’d never been with someone who put so much thought and care into looking after her. That had always been Clarke’s thing - looking after people. Then Lexa came into the picture and it seems like all of Clarke’s defenses crumbled before her. Lexa was the best kind of kryptonite possible and Clarke _missed_ her.

She came back up from the water in just a towel, freshly scrubbed, and ready to change into clean clothes when she saw that Finn and the others were back. He met her eyes as she passed him with a smile, but there was something different there this time. Different than what she felt today.

_Determination._

It unnerved her, but she brushed it off, changed , and went out to join the rest of them while combing through her wet hair as she listened to Murphy’s speech about a new song he’d written, a ‘masterpiece for their generation’ he called it (which had several people groaning and a half-eaten apple tossed at his head), and he was going to allow them the privilege of experiencing the world premiere of it before dinner tonight.

There was a lot of grumbling about the size of his ego, but on the whole, they really couldn’t turn down an opportunity to listen to his music since no one (except Bellamy) had ever heard him play anything.  


Zoe hypothesized that it was Monty and Jasper’s _special influence_ that loosened Murphy up enough to actually do it, but either way, if it was happening, they wanted to hear. Three years of Murphy carrying around a guitar, practicing in secret, writing song lyrics and sheet music… At this point, he was just being cruel by taunting them with this so-called “music” of his.

“Hey there,” Finn said, sitting himself down next to Clarke on a fallen, dried log everyone had taken to using as a bench.

“Hey.”

“I had a great time today.”

“Me too,” she replied honestly, giving him a small smile.

_Why did this feel different? What was happening?_

“Can we talk for a second? Alone?” _  
_

_Say no._

Her head was screaming at her. _  
_

_No. No. No.  
_

_Say! No!_

“…yeah…sure…” she agreed reluctantly.

_It wasn’t like she had a choice.  
_

But it was exactly what she thought it was going to be. Her insides crumbled as disaster spelled itself in neon lights out on all the trees surrounding them. She was pretty sure the boat that just sped by used an airhorn to warn her.

_Thanks, got it._

“There’s something here, Clarke,” he insisted.

_Don’t do this._

“We have something, I know you feel it too. Just give it a chance.”

_Please stop_.  


“I know, you’re doing your thing, we’re on vacation, but it’s just a _vacation_. It ends. We’re going home in a few days, Clarke, and you’re never gonna see that girl again, but I’ll be here. I’ll always be here for you.” _  
_

That hit her hard, her stomach plummeting.  


_A few days…_

Finn was right. They would be leaving just a few days - back to their corners of the world - and she still hadn’t had “the talk” with Lexa.  


About what they were going to do when the trip was over.  


Would they go their separate ways? Never see each other again?  


Or could they try?

Long distance. Whatever. But…did Lexa _want_ to try?

Clarke’s head was swimming.  


She already knew what the answer was for her. 

Yet, while Lexa had been adamant that this wasn’t a “fling”, Clarke didn’t know where she stood on anything beyond that. Long distance wasn’t something Clarke had ever tried before and from what she knew about it, it took guts, but she wanted Lexa.  


She’d never wanted _anyone_ like this. _  
_

Unfortunately, this was where Clarke made her biggest mistake.  


Because while she was panicking over the sudden burst of her bubble - reality pouring in with icy cold revelations - Finn was still standing there with wet puppy dog eyes, waiting, hoping for a sign.  


And Clarke wasn’t saying anything. She was so distraught by the reminder that her time with Lexa was temporary, that he would even dare to imply that what she had with her wasn’t _real_ , that she ended up leaving an opening.

It looked like she _hesitated_.

For Finn, that was all he needed.

She saw the way his eyes lit up with hope and his eager, but tamped down grin.

“Finn, _no_ ,” she rushed to fix it, “it’s not–”

“Don’t say anything now!” He held his hands up, pleading with her. “It’s okay. Take your time.”

He sounded so sure of himself. So smug. Like he’d gotten the upper hand and wormed himself back in somehow.  


A thousand curses were flying through her head.  


“Clarke, don’t throw us away before you even give it a chance. I’m here. What we have is real. Don’t end this before it starts just for some summer fling.”

“That’s not–!”

“I won’t give up on you, Clarke,” he cut her off strongly. “I care about you too much.”

_Yep, that was violence she was considering._


	16. Chapter 16

“How do I make him give up on me?” she groaned, head in hands.

Wells looked on sympathetically.

“He wouldn’t listen to anything I said! He just declared what he wanted and walked off! Practically had his fingers in his ears singing _‘lah-lah-lah’_!”  


“He’s never listened to anyone. It’s the world according to Finn, Clarke. He’s always been that kind of guy.”

“Really?” She frowned in concentration trying to comb through her memories for signs of the behavior Wells described. “I just…wouldn’t I have _noticed_ that?”

“He hasn’t always been that way,” Raven said, joining them.  


“You have _got_ to stop eavesdropping,” he complained.

“How else would I find people in need of my fabulous good advice? You’ve never liked Finn, admit it.”

“So what?”

“It’s clouding your ability to give our Princess here some rational, level-headed, unbiased advice.”

“And what is it that you have to say that’s so brilliant, Reyes?” he asked, rolling his eyes.

Raven turned to Clarke, all teasing gone now. “Look, he wasn’t always like this. So…self-centered. Remember, I grew up with him.”

Raven had a decade-long crush on him - her neighbor/classmate/friend, but Finn never noticed her and when they gradated high school, she finally realized that he wasn’t worth waiting for.

“Two years ago, when he started hanging out with that group…doing the hard stuff… We lost him for a while and he did pull himself out eventually, but…” Raven shrugged, “he hasn’t been the same since. He’s not the Finn I grew up with. He changed. A lot.”

“And, clearly, not for the better,” Wells muttered.

Raven shot him a death glare. “People can go through rough times in their lives, Wells Jaha. It doesn’t mean we abandon them for it. We all have battle scars.”

“And didn’t you once tell Finn to suck it up and build a brace for his?” he shot back, eyeing Raven’s leg pointedly.

“Yeah, I did. Because I _care_ about him. He can do stupid things and say stupid things, but I know who he really is! And this guy walking around right now? That’s not him!”

“Raven…” Clarke murmured, trying to soothe her, but it wasn’t enough, Raven was gone.  


She turned on Wells reprovingly.

“You know how she feels about him,” she said exasperatedly. “Why do you always have to be so hard on her?”

“She’s delusional!” he insisted. “She keeps seeing him as this sweet little boy next door instead of the egotistical asshole he became.”

Clarke ran her fingers through her hair with a tired exhale. “I don’t know…I feel like the answer is somewhere in between the two of you.”

“Literally or metaphorically?”

She looked at him blankly for a moment before she realized that he was joking, and she rolled her eyes, kicking some dirt up at him.

“Idiot.”

“I’ve got your back, Clarke,” he said soberly. “Don’t let him get in the way of you going after what you want.”

She smiled and hugged him. There was a boat motor in the distance. It was a weekend, there’d been a lot more traffic passing by today. If you count 5 boats as traffic…  


“You’re not so bad, you know.”

“For a Jaha, you mean.”

Clarke laughed. “Yeah, right, _for a Jaha_. Your Dad is still a major dick.”

“I think he’s losing his mind. He’s on a 'spiritual retreat' right now, only I’m pretty sure it’s a cult.”

“No way!”

The boat sounded closer, probably curving right past them.

He nodded grimly. “Yeah, it kinda clicked when he started talking about an ‘ascension to the City of Light’.”

Clarke wrinkled her nose in confusion. “Is that like Scientology?”

“I don’t know and I don’t ever want to know.”

“Sorry, Wells. I guess it’s a mandate that we all have to endure some crazy in our lives.”

“What’s your crazy?”

“Pfft! Have you not met my co-best friend Raven Reyes?”

Wells chuckled good-naturedly.

“CLARKE!”

She peered through the trees, but didn’t see anyone. It was definitely Gina yelling for her though.  


“YEAH?”  


“LEXA’S HERE.”

Wells had never seen Clarke Griffin move that fast in the 23 years he’d known her.  


* * *

Clarke quite literally pounced on her. She jumped into Lexa’s arms, forcing Lexa to act quickly to catch her, and came at her with a flurry of kisses.

Lexa was all smiles as she tried to keep up, but suddenly Clarke froze and dropped back to the ground, stepping away from her with a grimace.

“Clarke?”

“I am _so_ glad to see you, but _wow_ , Lexa…”

At first it didn’t connect, but then Lexa remembered what she’d been doing all day and put it together with Clarke’s pinched expression.

“Oh, no, I smell like fish, don’t I?”

“Like _rotting_ fish and chum and something else I can’t identify - all rolled into one. You reek so bad.”

Lexa sniffed at her clothes and was also taken aback by the smell. “Sorry…” she apologized sheepishly. “I came right here. Lincoln and Anya warned me to go back and change first, but I…”  


She trailed off, blushing ever so lightly, as she was too embarrassed to say the words.

But Clarke knew. She knew because she felt the same.

She _missed_ her.

So incredibly endeared, enamored, heart-warmed, and a dozen other emotions that equaled to her being a puddle of warm goo - Clarke held her breath and leaned back in to kiss her, careful not to touch her odor ridden clothes.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she whispered. “But I’m gonna _really_ need you to rinse off right now.”

Lexa’s eyes were twinkling with mirth.

“Think you could lend me some soap?”

“I will give you all of the soap in camp if necessary.”

“That bad?”

Clarke shook her head tightly, her expression pained as she held her nose. “ _Worse_. So much worse…”

* * *

While Lexa was in the water and Clarke watched from the shore, she considered burning the pile of clothes left behind, but decided it was a little drastic and perhaps only something she could get away with if they were married.

_Oh, boy._

_She actually just thought that._

“Shampoo!”

Clarke was shaken from her reverie and found the bottle at her side, throwing it to a waiting Lexa.

“Are you sure you won’t join me?”

“If my hair hadn’t just finally dried five minutes ago, I would.”

Lexa pouted and that alone nearly had Clarke caving, but she reasoned with herself that Lexa would be encouraged to get out of the water sooner if she wasn’t in there with her. She just had to stay strong for a few more minutes. Surely she could do that.

“You’re looking a little red around the edges,” Lexa teased, sudsing up her hair. “What did you get up to today?”

Clarke cringed inwardly, but put on a good front. There was no need to muddy the waters between her and Lexa just because Finn Collins was too dense to take a hint. They only had 3 days left together and there were much more important things that Clarke needed to focus on with her.  


Such as, _what happens next_?

“I went sailing with Finn,” she answered casually.

Or as casually as she could make it seem because really her entire body was just screaming in discomfort.

For what must have been the hundredth time that day, Clarke cursed his existence.  


Lexa hesitated for a split second. It was barely there, but Clarke saw it - the tiny freeze, the self reminder to keep herself moving as usual.

“It was just a day between friends,” she reassured her. “I don’t feel that way about him.”

And it was true on Clarke’s part. That was the only part that mattered.  


Lexa was quiet, looking pensive for a moment. She took the time to dip under the water and rinse her hair out. When she slicked it back clean and wiped the water out of her eyes, it was her turn to try to be as casual as possible.

“Isn’t he the one you said you had a kind of…”

“Yeah,” Clarke interrupted her quickly, “but that was then. This is now.”

Lexa gave her a look. “That was two weeks ago.”  


“Less than two,” she corrected. “What’s your point? I met you. That’s it.”

“That’s it?” Lexa echoed dubiously, but Clarke could see that she wanted to believe her.

_Believe it, Wonder Woman._

_You changed the stakes.  
_

_The rules._

_Hell, it’s not even the same game._

“Yes,” she said firmly. “That’s it.”

Lexa really didn’t need to know about Finn’s confusion. They had a precious few days left together and Clarke was not about to have one iota of it tainted because of him.  


Lexa gave her a small smile, the tension seemed to release from her shoulders.  


“Okay then,” she said with a small shrug, accepting Clarke’s answer. “That’s it.”

* * *

Lexa wore some of Clarke’s clean clothes and carried her dreadful smelling things in a tightly tied plastic grocery bag as they made their way back into camp, hand in hand. Clarke could feel Finn’s eyes on them and she was glad. She hoped it would get the message through so he could stop this idiotic crusade.

A girl could dream, right?  


She hung on Lexa’s arm as Lexa talked to Octavia. She was unnecessarily close, clingy even, but she didn’t care. The closer the better in her opinion (especially with Finn laser locked on them). She barely heard a word they were saying except that she knew Lexa was asking Octavia about whether or not she wanted a ride. Octavia would be joining them for the fish fry as well (as Lincoln’s guest).  


Clarke really couldn’t care less about the rest of her friends hanging around at this point or anything they had to talk about. She was intoxicated by how good Lexa smelled (the brief fish disaster was forgotten as quick as it came) and now Lexa’s scent was mixed with Clarke’s shampoo. It was incredibly arousing in a possessive sort of way.  


Her skin itched and her core throbbed with each touch, each brush of their bare skin. She slipped her hand under Lexa’s (technically her own) shirt and swept across her smooth, defined stomach. Lexa jumped slightly at Clarke’s brazen touch since they were right in the middle of a group of people, but she didn’t move away or even try to move Clarke’s hand. Instead, she smiled, and kept talking to Octavia as if nothing else were happening.

But a whole different dance was happening underneath the surface.

Clarke’s cheeks flushed with purpose as she focused on Lexa’s mouth, watching her speak, the way her lips wrapped around certain words, and she thought about how she needed them to be wrapped around some other things right now.  


“I’m just going to take our boat over - I don’t want anyone stuck having to drive me back later.”

“Lincoln wouldn’t–”

“I’m good,” Octavia said firmly, but kindly.

Lexa gave her a slow nod of acknowledgment before turning to Clarke, mirth shining from her gaze because she knew exactly what was on Clarke’s mind.

Clarke could feel her wanting it too.

“Ready?”

_Was she ever._

* * *

She didn’t even realize the day had been as long as it was. Not until Lexa showed up and time just seemed to speed up again, each second ticking by louder than the next, piercing her eardrum with the unwanted reminder.

The countdown continued to twist Clarke’s stomach in knots as they ate dinner and carried on light conversation. The way Lexa smelled earlier was extremely deceiving - the day’s catch had been bountiful and delicious. Anya had brought in the biggest one.

“Of course I did,” she said, rolling her eyes. “The only way these two could beat me is if I’m six feet under. Maybe not even then. It’s called ‘talent’.”  


Lexa and Lincoln didn’t seem annoyed by the sheer size of their friend’s ego, instead they shared a private look - amused - and then they all moved on from the subject.

They stuffed themselves with the fresh trout. All cleaned, cut, sliced, seasoned, and cooked by the same three amazing people who had caught them. It was the most delicious trout Clarke had ever had. A large part of that was probably due to the fact that it was Lexa who caught it (or Anya or Lincoln). Something about knowing it was a personal, hard-earned reward, made it all the more special, the flavors exploding in a way she’d never tasted.

Then again, it was the first time she’d ever had trout so…it wasn’t really saying much.  


They drank beer well into the evening and lounged around the beach in various states of inebriation and exhaustion. Octavia was perched on Lincoln’s lap, arms wrapped around each other, while Lexa was lying down with her head in Clarke’s lap. Her eyes were closed, her cheek was pressed against the bare skin of Clarke’s thigh, and the corners of her mouth turned were turned up ever so slightly in the picture of contentment as Clarke played with her hair, running her fingers through those long locks distractedly as she kept up conversation with the others.  


Anya was the first to drink herself into a stupor and fell asleep right there on the sand, but Lincoln insisted she was just sleeping, not “passed out” as Octavia said. They’d been up since 3:30am so, according to him and Lexa, it was perfectly reasonable for Anya to be so tired as to _fall asleep_ where she’d been sitting.

Octavia and Lincoln weren’t drunk, but they had their fair share and “buzzed” wasn’t quite strong enough to describe them. They were flirtier than ever, forgetting that Clarke and Lexa were still there, sharing kisses and teasing in that shy, new way that never really seemed to change for anyone.  


Clarke, however, couldn’t bear it another second. Making out with Lexa in the dinghy before they got to camp simply did not cut it and she’d waited long enough. She lifted Lexa’s head off her lap in a sudden movement that surprised the sleepy girl, and jumped to her feet, grabbing Lexa’s hand to drag her away without a word.  


They didn’t bother to say good night to Lincoln and Octavia. Not that the other two noticed -  they were too wrapped up in each other to care.

* * *

It was the warmest night since they’d arrived. Instead of cooling off the way it normally did, the air stayed balmy and pleasant as if the sun never really left.

Lexa suggested they forego the confines of the tent for a night and they dragged her mattress pad out closer to the water, right before the ground crested and met rock with the cool lake just below.

Naked, sticky, and perfectly boneless, they were only covered with a thin sheet as they laid on their backs next to each other, staring up at a wide open and dazzling night sky. They were both exhausted, but it’s hard to sleep when you have a blindingly vast canopy of twinkling stars swirling above your head.

There was also a pressing matter on both of their minds, yet neither one could speak it. Sleep wasn’t an option so…they watched the stars instead.

Until finally… _finally_ , Clarke broke the silence.  


“We talk about everything,” she said, barely above a whisper, “nothing off limits, so…why can’t we talk about this?”

She was still trying not to break the peace they’d found, yet she needed to shatter it all the same.  


Lexa didn’t look at her, her gaze still focused up at the sky. “Because we’re afraid of what will happen when we do.”  


“Why are we afraid?”

“You know the saying…if you hold on to something too tightly…”

“…you lose it anyway,” Clarke finished for her in an exhale. “Is that going to happen here? Is that how this ends?”

“It might.”

Lexa’s aloofness was frustrating and terrifying at the same time. Her heart was racing out of control.  


“Is that what you want?”

“Clarke…”  


“No, tell me. Is that what you want?”  
  
Lexa didn’t speak and it dropped. Whatever it was that Clarke had been holding her breath for these past couple weeks…it finally dropped and the pain was worse than she thought it could be. 

It hurt.

This _hurt_.

But she was far from defeated.

“Lexa,” she started, almost angrily, but mostly just frustrated. “Talk to me. What is it? What’s stopping you? Just trust me… _please_.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Then I guess I shouldn’t bother at all.”

“I didn’t mean–”

“If you don’t trust me then what are we doing? There’s no point.” She shook her head. “And when did you stop trusting me anyway?”

“What?”

“At the top of the falls. Our first hike. When we…when we told each other all those things…”

Her throat constricted painfully at the memory. Golden sunlight, cool water, invisible scars that ran too deep, green eyes, the taste of her lips…

“You told me you trusted me then. What changed?”

Lexa paused before reluctantly admitting, “You were a stranger.”

“And now that it’s _real_ , you’re having a change of heart?” Clarke scoffed bitterly. “I see.”

“That’s not it.”

“Then what is it?” she snapped, turning her head to face her in the dark. “Explain it to me, Lexa, because I don’t understand any of this.”

She didn’t.

Instead, Lexa reached for her clothes (Clarke’s clothes) and yanked them on.

“What are you doing?”

She stood abruptly without looking at her. “I’m going to take a walk.”

“We’re on an island,” Clarke muttered. “Where are you going to walk _to_?”

If anything, it would just be some long distance pacing.

However, that didn’t seem to matter much to Lexa. She walked away. Didn’t face Clarke. Didn’t answer her.  


Clarke was left alone in the dark under the stars and she felt like the weight of them would crush her.

She shouldn’t have reacted like that. Lexa had always been upfront about her reticence with new people. She kept her circle tight. Beyond Anya and Lincoln, Clarke could only really recall her mentioning one other friend in passing. It was just those two and her family, especially her brother.

Yes, it hurt to hear that Lexa didn’t trust her, but why would she? They’d just met! Lexa was the kind of person who needed time. Clarke knew that, but was it wrong of her to want to be an exception to the rule?

Lexa wanted her too. For more than two weeks. For more than a summer. Clarke knew that. Deep down, she knew it. But she still needed her to say the words.

Have them form a plan.  


Anything!

But Lexa was off walking. Pacing. Brooding. _Whatever._

Clarke turned on her side and pulled the sheet up over her. It was still warm out, but for some reason a chill came over her.

She didn’t want to look at the stars anymore.

Sometime later, long after she’d drifted off, Clarke woke again to Lexa’s quiet footsteps and some jostling next to her. For a moment, she thought Lexa would keep her distance, but then familiar arms wrapped around her and a soft, warm body molded against Clarke’s backside.

Her voice was gentle, almost cracking, against her ear.

“I do trust you…Clarke.”

Her chest tightened almost painfully and she covered Lexa’s arms with her own.

“I know how hard it is for you to do that.”

“I want this,” she whispered.  


"I do too.”

“Can we figure it out in the morning?”

“Promise?”

“I do.”


	17. Chapter 17

They woke just before sunrise and found that it had finally cooled off sometime during the night, but their shared bodily warmth had protected them. Lexa scurried off to get them warmer clothes and blankets. She came back quickly, but instead of getting up, they curled into each other and watched the dawn break over the mountain horizon before drifting back to sleep underneath the blankets for a while longer.

They talked about it over breakfast that Lexa cooked for them using her small firepit. Clarke got her coffee from Anya while Lexa brewed herself tea and they talked.

Long distance, they agreed.  


“It’s a three hour train ride to D.C. That’s not terrible. Weekends could be traded.”  


“How do you know it’s three hours?”

“The ice cream shop had wifi,” Clarke admitted bashfully. “I stole Raven’s phone to look it up,”   


Lexa grinned widely. “Really? After the swimming hole?”

Clarke rolled her eyes at how smug she sounded.

“ _Yes_ , don’t make a thing of it.”

“Amazing that you found wi-fi in the town-that-is-not-a-town,” she teased.  


“I know!”  


Lexa laughed. “So…we could do weekends?”

“And holidays. Vacations.”

“Facetime.”

“Whenever we can.”

Lexa’s lightened mood dampened ever so slightly and her grip on her mug of tea tightened.

“Will it be enough?” she asked quietly.  


Clarke’s heart fell a couple stories, but it didn’t hit the ground.

“We won’t know until we try, right?”

Lexa sighed and there was so much in her expression, a conflict in her eyes, that Clarke knew there was a world unto itself unfolding inside that incredible mind.

Clarke had to wait what felt like an eternity before Lexa spoke again, but wait she would.  


“What if…what if we’re _wrong_?” Lexa sounded so torn. “What if we feel differently when we leave? What  if this is just a mirage shaped by the haze of summer in the mountains? Wouldn’t it be better if we preserved our memories the way they are now? Perfect. Untouchable. Then all of this,” she gestured around them, “is forever protected inside a bubble that we’ll be able to reach back and remember as the most _extraordinary_ dream we’ve ever had...”

_What if we ruin us?  
_

_What if you ruin me?_   


That’s what Clarke heard whispered in between.  


“My Dad…” she started slowly, choosing her words with care, “he used to tell me something whenever I was nervous or afraid about a new experience. He said–” she stopped short and cleared her throat, correcting herself, “he _used_ to say ‘failure isn’t what stops you, but _fear_ of it does’.”

She shifted in her chair and wrapped her arms around herself.  


“I would rather try and fail _with you_ , Lexa, than to live my life doomed to forever wonder ‘what if?’” She gave a helpless sort of shrug. “Don’t we deserve better than that?”  


Lexa set her tea down and approached Clarke. She gazed down at her for a long moment, seemingly debating something with herself, before suddenly she went to her knees.  


Clarke sat up in surprise, her breath catching at the heartrendingly vulnerable sight. Lexa urged her legs open so she could settle between them and wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist, looking up at her.

“Maybe we do.”

_Yes._

_That’s what she heard._

**_Yes._ **   


Clarke’s heart thudded uncontrollably against her chest and her mouth went dry. She couldn’t find the words to respond, it was pure emotion. She couldn’t believe this was happening - the most beautiful woman she’d ever known, that she was falling (had fallen) so hard for…was on her knees in front of her, offering the world.

At least, it felt like the world to Clarke.

She nodded.

It was all she could do. Just nod.

Lexa seemed to understand because her embrace tightened and she pressed her cheek against Clarke’s belly, content to stay there for a while.

* * *

They stayed on Lexa’s side of the island for hours. Talking. Swimming. Kissing. More than kissing.

_Lots more_.  


But, really, they just wanted that time together - purely them - no outside interruptions. It seemed like that acknowledgment of their feelings, having some kind of plan for a life that existed beyond this lake, was intensely euphoric for them.   


Finally…   


Finally.   


They both had an exact understanding of each other and that was incredibly freeing - with both their emotions _and their bodies_.  


Eventually, Clarke conceded that she was entirely out of anything clean to wear. Everything was dirt stained, grass stained, sweat stained - you name it - and smelled. So Clarke was currently stuck in only her bikini, which Lexa was certainly not complaining about, but they both admitted that she would need something more for nightfall. That meant they’d have to leave their little haven long enough to drop by Clarke’s camp. She would have just worn something of Lexa’s instead, but unfortunately Lexa was wearing the last of her clean clothes as well.

“Just a few minutes, right?” Clarke breathed against Lexa’s kiss-swollen lips before leaning back in instead of giving her time to answer.

“…few minutes…” Lexa mumbled distractedly, kissing down her jaw and neck.

Clarke hummed in appreciation when she latched onto a certain special spot and then yelped, followed by giggles when there was an unexpected nip of teeth there.  


They were technically supposed to be making their way towards Lincoln and Anya’s camp since that’s where Lexa docked her boat every night, but the progress was incredibly slow with all the stops and stumbling down the path since they couldn’t seem to let go of each other. Heated gasps, groping hands, looking for any smooth, bare skin they could find. Clarke pinned Lexa to a tree at one point in a (long) moment of weakness -  a strong leg slipped between thighs, pressing high and hard, and she was grinding down unashamedly -  before Lexa used the last reserves of her willpower to battle her way back into leading Clarke again.

They were both barefoot and Clarke was more exposed in just her bathing suit than Lexa was in her tank top and shorts, but the only complaint Clarke had was that Lexa was wearing too many clothes. So she was quite determined to relieve her of them.

It wasn’t about finding release or working towards it - it was just the need to feel connected. To revel in that intimacy and overwhelming desire. They were intoxicated by each other, heady and insatiable. As much as they got, they wanted that much more.  


But in trying to walk the short distance between Lexa’s camp and the other, playfulness was rapidly escalating into sheer desire and Clarke didn’t think she was going to be able to make it another step before she had to pin Lexa down and alleviate the throbbing between her thighs that already had her bathing suit bottoms soaked through.

“Forget it,” she moaned as Lexa’s mouth found her breast. She tangled her fingers in her hair, holding her there forcefully. “Let’s go back.”

“What about clothes?” Lexa asked when she released her with a pop.

“Fuck the clothes,” Clarke gasped. “Just fuck _me_.”

Lexa strongly considered it as their lips met again and again, getting sloppier and hungrier with each kiss, but just as Clarke was going to push her to the ground and take her there, Lexa chose the opposite.

She stepped away, panting and glassy eyed, eyeing Clarke warily. Lexa knew Clarke was a panther ready to pounce and it was taking every ounce of willpower she possessed not to succumb.

“Just a few minutes,” she insisted breathlessly at Clarke’s shocked little expression.

Shocked or offended - it was really a mix of the two.

“It’ll probably be cool again tonight, you’ll need something,” she pleaded.

It was for Clarke’s own good.

But she wasn’t convincing enough. Clarke was on her again in a flash, pupils blown, the hunger in her gaze undeniable.

Lexa moaned into her mouth, a single thread away from caving - not just to Clarke’s desires, but her very pressed own.

“ _Clarke_ …” she rasped. “Please.”  


It wasn’t much, but it was her last ditch effort and all she could muster.

Clarke swore under her breath and then, a beat later, Lexa was freed (to her dismay).

“ _Five minutes_ ,” she said sternly. “We’re not staying a second longer, and if we do, I’m going to fuck you against the nearest tree - I don’t care who sees us.”

Lexa had already snagged her hand and was hurriedly racing them both down the trail, through Anya and Lincoln’s empty camp.

“I don’t think you really understand the concept of a _threat_ , Clarke.”

* * *

It turned out that the reason why Lincoln and Anya’s site was empty was because they were already at the delinquents camp.

Clarke jumped out of the dinghy, barreling towards her tent for her clothes, while Lexa gaped at Anya who was seemingly in a serious discussion with Bellamy.

“What are you _doing_ here?” she asked incredulously.

“We have a score to settle,” Anya replied icily, locked in a staring match with Bellamy.

Lexa looked to Lincoln who was watching in amusement.  


“Explain.”

He shrugged. “They want to race again. Bellamy claims Anya cheated when she beat him last time.”

Lexa groaned, rubbing her forehead.

The last time Anya had been accused of cheating…   


It just…it didn’t end well. They could leave it at that.

“Is it handled?” she asked, but her tone and the sharp raise of her eyebrow made it seem more like a command than a question.

Which Lincoln, obviously, picked up on.  


“Yes, Commander,” Lincoln replied with fondness. “Just take care of yourself okay? You’re looking a little…roughed up there.”

“You look like you’ve been fucking for 12 hours straight is what he means,” Raven interjected.

“ _Straight_ is the wrong choice of word,” Murphy added lazily.  


“Perhaps mauled by a very small, but determined animal would be a more accurate description,” Monty suggested.

“It’s the bite marks on her throat that give it away,” Harper agreed.

“The scratches on her legs and shoulders too,” he pointed out.  


The four of them were lounging on their beach chairs that they’d moved into the lake. Perfect way to cool off and still get to enjoy your drink. They seemed to have cocktails today because they were all drinking from red solo cups with colorful straws.   


It was a pretty amusing sight with all four of them in sunglasses, bathing suits, identical beach chairs, and sitting in the water with mixed drinks in their hands like they were at a resort in Tahiti instead of camping in the mountains.

“Thank you for the peanut gallery commentary, but I strongly urge you all to shut your mouths.”

“ _Ooooooh_ ,” Raven purred. “Lexa’s got some bite now.”

“I really don’t think she’s the one doing the biting,” Monty sang under his breath as he chewed on his straw.  


“Have we moved on from our honeymoon period so soon, Commander?” Raven faux pouted. “What happened to us? I thought we had something here!”

“Raven–”

“Fine!” Anya’s shout cut her off and they all turned to see Bellamy beet red while Anya was mere millimeters away from his face. “You want a rematch, mop head? _You got it._ ”

“Ready!” Clarke cried, running down with a hastily stuffed pack in her hand. “Let’s go!”

“You’re leaving already?” Murphy asked. “And here I thought you cared about Belly B’s life and all that.”

“What are you talking about?” she all but growled, blowing her hair out her face impatiently.

She threw her bag into the dinghy and had a hand on Lexa’s waist, ready to pull her away from them, when she finally looked at where Murphy was pointing. She saw Anya and Bellamy bickering, both of which seemed to be getting angrier by the second.

“Oh, please, no…” Clarke almost whined, “ _not now_.”  


Raven, Harper, Monty, and Murphy just watched, sucking on their straws as they waited for this to play out before them. Lincoln had been paying attention, but suddenly vanished moments ago when Octavia tapped him on the shoulder and pointed elsewhere.

So much for having it handled.  


“There’s no way one of your _friends_ is going to be the judge here,” Anya snarled. “Do you think I’m an idiot?”

“What do you have to worry about if you’re not cheating?” he shot back heatedly.

“You wanna say that again?”   


She stepped into his personal space menacingly, inches away from his face. She didn’t rant and turn red like Bellamy did. Instead, her voice kept getting lower, cooler, so sharp it could slice air. She sounded a hundred times more dangerous than Bellamy did at his angriest.

“Go ahead, little boy,” she sneered. “ _Say it again_.”

Bellamy was nearly purple with rage, but before he could formulate a response, Murphy piped up from the water. He lowered his drink long enough to speak clearly.

“Why not have Clarke be the judge?”

That stopped them both. They finally broke the staring contest to snap their heads and look at Murphy.  


It also had Clarke and Lexa glaring at him with a mixture of disbelief and anger.

In fact, everyone was staring at him.

“Whoa!” He held his hands up, one with a cup in it. “It was just a suggestion, you freaks. Go back to ignoring my existence.”

Anya seemed uncertain, as did Bellamy, but after a moment’s hesitation he picked his head up high and crossed his arms cockily.

“Yeah! Clarke will be the judge. You can’t argue with that.”

“She’s still your friend,” Anya hissed, but she knew she was fighting a losing battle.

“And she’s with Lexa, _your friend_ ,” he countered. “That balances any perceived bias.”  


Anya narrowed her eyes at him and Bellamy faltered ever so slightly under the fearsome glare, swallowing thickly as he tried to keep up his bravado.

“Very well,” she relented tersely. “Clarke will judge.”

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

“Both of you need to calm down before someone has an aneurysm,” Gina said from the ridge above them, looking at Bellamy in exasperation. “This is supposed to be a relaxing vacation for us all, _in case you forgot_.”

Bellamy wasn’t swayed by her admonishment, determined not to let Anya see any kind of apparent weakness on his part. However, Anya just rolled her eyes and walked away, leaving Bellamy to suffer under the withering glare of his extremely unamused girlfriend.

“Uh, excuse me,” Clarke said to Anya as she approached and then looked over her shoulder at Bellamy. “I would like to point out to you both that I did not agree to this…whatever _this_ is…nor will I be agreeing to it because Lexa and I are _leaving_.”

“Wait! No, you can’t go!” Bellamy cried, running over.

Anya looked to Lexa with the most fearsome expression Clarke had ever seen someone wield.

“Clarke, come on, it won’t be that long. We just need you at the finish line to make sure it’s a fair call.”

“No. No way. Lexa and I…” the words died in her throat as she saw the way Lexa was wincing. Her entire demeanor dropped and she glowered at her. “Seriously?”

“It’s to keep the peace,” Lexa reasoned meekly.

“ _Lexa_ …”

Clarke suddenly found herself being pulled against Lexa’s body, her lips against her ear in a low, husky murmur.

A promise made that was too low for anyone but Clarke to hear.

She flushed a deep pink, biting the inside of her cheek, before she took a deep breath, looking back at Anya and Bellamy.

“Okay,” Clarke gritted out through her teeth, “let’s get this over with.”

There were cheers all around them and Bellamy clapped his hands together before scurrying off to get God knows what from God knows where. Anya just tilted her chin down in cool acknowledgment before turning on her heel and leaving them.

“I’m going to go find Lincoln, okay?” Lexa said, rubbing Clarke’s lower back before she moved away. “He needs to be helping with this.”

“You _promised_ …”

Lexa grinned cheekily. “And I will keep my promise.”

Clarke waved her off. “Go. Hurry!”

Lexa did as she was told and ran up the incline towards camp.

Clarke sighed and turned around.   


“SHIT!” she cried, nearly jumping out of her skin.   


She’d forgotten about the unusually quiet delinquents sitting in the water watching it all happen as if it were a spectator sport.  


“Jesus…” she muttered, holding her chest.

Raven took a long sip before releasing her straw and licked her lips, tilting her head at Clarke. “Lexa totally promised eat you out ten ways to Sunday, right?”

Clarke yanked the dinghy up higher onto the beach so it wouldn’t get loose before she looked back at Raven, meeting her gaze head on without so much as a flinch.  


“Yes, she did, and if anyone tries to interrupt - I have a BB gun with their name on it.”

She left her friends whooping and hollering behind her, sounds of high-fives echoing off the lake, as she went to find out just what the hell this “race” was all about.


	18. Chapter 18

It was a foot race.  


But not any foot race. Oh, no. Not for Anya and Bellamy. They couldn’t just do a simple sprint like everyone else.  


_Of course not._

_Because that would be too easy._

It turned out to be some kind of lunatic wilderness race with a fucking obstacle course.

_And it was taking them FOREVER.  
_

Clarke might as well have had steam pouring out of her ears as she was driven down the shoreline by Murphy to the finish line. The finish line that was _five miles away._

To make matters about thousand times worse, Lexa wasn’t even allowed to join her! It was voted unanimously by the entire group that Lexa had to stay back at camp if Clarke was going to be focused. Some bullshit about being distracted and forcing another do-over if it didn’t go right. So she had to watch Lexa stay on the beach while she went (did she mention this already?) _five fucking miles_ away.  


Needless to say, Clarke was fuming.  


She stayed in the boat with Murphy, about 100 yards from the shore and the spot Bellamy and Anya would burst out of the woods from their five mile race and dive into the water. Whoever touched the boat first won.

She considered drowning them both instead.

Finally, what felt like hours later, it was over.

Anya won (again).  


Bellamy was a sore loser (again).  


They all headed back to drink in celebration (or be bitter).

Lexa was splashing through the water and lifting Clarke out of the boat before they even pulled in all the way. All giggles and smiles, they ran off together without a word, deep into the woods where there would be little chance of being heard or seen. Clarke might have been okay with someone catching them, but Lexa really preferred if that didn’t happen.

And, of course, to Clarke’s utter delight, Lexa made good on her promise (twice).  


It was more like Clarke made good on her threat… However, as Lexa said to her later, as far as threats go…she wouldn’t mind having Clarke threaten her every day if that’s what they’d be like.

* * *

 

When they reappeared at the camp a while later, slightly disheveled and blissfully content, they found a rowdy, drunk group, all cheering and jabbing at them for what they’d been up to.

Neither were ashamed.

Clarke poured some wine and handed a cup to Lexa, keeping one for herself, before sidling up next to her. It wasn’t long before she was too distracted by Lexa’s presence to pay attention to her friends.  


She found herself far more interested in suckling on Lexa’s slender, elegant neck, finding those sweet spots, nibbling her earlobes, all with no small usage of her tongue. Lexa was a basket case, jumping and wriggling at the various sensations. One second she was biting at Clarke’s shoulder to hold back a moan, the next she was laughing and trying to squirm away.  


Finn grabbed Zoe’s drink out of her hands and knocked it back angrily, ignoring her complaints. She shoved him and went to get a refill while he kept watching the amorous sight of Clarke and Lexa on the other side of camp.  


When Clarke decided that she’d teased the poor girl enough, she cupped Lexa’s cheek and brought her in for a much more passionate kiss than they would normally share in front of their friends…or anyone, really.

_Blame the mountain air._

_It did things._

“You two are disgusting,” Miller groaned, wiping his face with his hand.

“Go tell that to Brian,” Clarke retorted. “I bet he’d say you could learn a thing or two from us.”

Monty gasped exaggeratedly, grabbing his chest. “ _Burn_!”

Miller tossed him a dirty look. “Shut up.”

However, a few moments later, he finished his beer and and snuck away from them to find his boyfriend. Clarke didn’t see either of them again that night.  


“Fireballs!” Octavia shouted, holding up the bottle of whiskey to a bunch of eager people holding out their cups. When it was Finn’s turn, he grabbed her hand and didn’t let her stop pouring until his cup was more than half full.

Octavia yanked away from him with a glare. “You need to chill, dude…”

But she didn’t give it another thought and left him to drink while she rejoined Lincoln, and promptly forgot all about it.  


Murphy ended up not performing his music for them last night. He begged off, saying that it didn’t feel right. Clarke and Lexa weren’t there, but apparently everyone who was present at the time pretended like they didn’t care. (Secretly, it was _killing_ all of them. They wanted so badly to know what he was working on.)

Clarke was whispering incredibly inappropriate things into an increasingly red Lexa’s ear and was seconds away from asking to leave when Harper ran by them excitedly.  


“Oh my God, guys, come quick!” She shook Clarke’s shoulders, unable to contain herself. “Murphy changed his mind! He’s going to play for us right now! Hurry!”

She sped off to continue spreading the news and Lexa smiled, amused by her enthusiasm. She stood, pulling Clarke with her, hand in hand.

“Guess we better head over there.”

“Do we have to? We could just go right now…” she purred. “No one would care…”

Lexa’s tiny gasp when Clarke broke their embrace very nearly won the night, but Clarke’s damnable curiosity got the better of her.

She swore under her breath, looking towards the opening to the main camp where everyone was gathering and then back at Lexa.

“All right, don’t kill me, but it _has_ been three years of hearing about his music.”  She bit her lower lip worriedly. “I hate myself for it, but I have to know!”

Lexa broke out laughing at how torn Clarke looked and pulled her back in for a short, sweet kiss.

“I think we can handle staying a little while longer.”

Clarke frowned, clearly not as certain as Lexa about that, but she surged forward anyway with their fingers laced tightly together.  


As soon as it was over, they were gone, she reasoned. _  
_

* * *

 

It took a little while longer until the rest of the group came crashing back into the camp from all sides. They’d all been summoned and now it was time. At long last!

Murphy patiently waited until everyone was settled and for the chatter to quiet down. He cleared his throat, adjusted the guitar strap, strummed once discordantly, and then put it down.

The crickets weren’t out yet, but they might as well have been for how silent it was.

“What are you doing?” Zoe asked, the first one to break the quiet.  


He shrugged, picking at his fingernails. “That’s all I know.”

“ _That’s all you know_?” Harper echoed, aghast.

“Yep!” He broke out into a huge, shit-eating grin. “I would like to thank you all for participating in my greatest prank to date. You waited three long years for this moment. Tell me, please, how does it feel?”  


Still there was stunned silence.

Unfazed, he got to his feet and whistled a jaunty tune as he walked off. “ _Go suck on that…_ ” he sang under his breath before resuming whistling _._

Octavia was one of the first to recover.

“Are you FUCKING kidding me?”

“Is he serious?”

“What just happened?”  


“I’ll kill him!” Raven was halfway off her chair before Wells held her down. “Let go of me!”

“Don’t let him get to you anymore than he already has.”

“THREE YEARS of watching him carry that guitar and he’s saying he did it to _mess_ with us? _He doesn’t even know how to play_?”

“We fell right into it…”

“No, wait, I heard him practice one time! He sounded pretty decent!”

“It was a recording of John Mayer warming up,” Bellamy explained reluctantly, covering his face with his hand.

Gina shoved his shoulder hard. “You _knew_?”

“He needed at least one person to give him credibility!” Bellamy protested weakly, wincing as the group turned on him.

“This is _abso-fucking-lutely_ insane. That man-child is dead to me. DEAD!”

“Hold up now,” Lincoln said, trying to assuage the angry delinquents. “I don’t know what that was all about–”

“It’s about a dead man walking!”

“…but it doesn’t mean we can’t still have a show.”

He picked up the guitar, testing a few chords.

Murphy came running back at the sound and gasped when he saw Lincoln with the guitar. “No! Oh, don’t tell me you can fucking–”

Lincoln started playing a gentle melody with ease and Murphy resembled a ripe tomato.  


“Come on!” he shouted. “Three years, I worked on this! They’re supposed to be left devastated!”

Anya raised a razor sharp eyebrow at him and plopped herself down next to Lincoln. Clarke, along with everyone else who wasn’t Lexa and Lincoln, were gobsmacked by what came next.

Anya started to _sing_.

It wasn’t amazing, by any means, but she had a surprisingly sweet voice that was on key for the most part. Lincoln happily changed to mid-tempo to match her.  


“I can’t believe these assholes…” Murphy muttered, “they’ve ruined the best plan I’ve ever–”  


He was pelted by various objects as the group yelled at him to shut up and go away. He stormed off, sulking, while they focused in eagerly to listen to Anya and Lincoln.  


_“I don’t like walking around this old and empty house  
So hold my hand, I’ll walk with you, my dear“_

Anya stopped suddenly and waved her hands in disgust, motioning for Jasper to pass her the blunt he was smoking.

She wasn’t high enough for this yet.  


After a long hit, she slowly exhaled, and her body sagged with relief. Her eyes got glassier and she nodded in approval, handing it back to him.  


Now, she was high enough for this. _  
_

_“The stairs creak as I sleep, it’s keeping me awake_  
_It’s the house telling you to close your eyes”_

“This is… _amazing_ ,” Clarke whispered to Lexa. “And kind of weird. Do you have musical talent as well? Please say no. Even you can’t be that perfect.”

_“And some days I can’t even trust myself_  
_It’s killing me to see you this way”_

“Don’t worry. I’m afraid I don’t have an artistic bone in my body. It all went to sports.”

Octavia jumped in with Anya and Lincoln, playing a light beat on a hollow container to round out the guitar melody. Clarke remembered then that Octavia used to take drum lessons in high school.  


_“Cause though the truth may vary_  
_This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore”_

“None of my talents include musicality either.” Clarke shrugged. _  
_

_“Don’t listen to a word I say  
The screams all sound the same”_

“I don’t know…” Lexa murmured, a wolfish grin sneaking across her face, “you sound pretty amazing to me when I play you…”

Clarke was both embarrassed and terribly amused at the same time.

“Lexa!” she cried in a loud whisper, knocking her knee with hers. “I cannot believe you just said that to me!”

Her face was surely ten shades of crimson right now. She could dish it out, but apparently having the teasing turned on her was a very different thing for Clarke.  


_“Though the truth may vary_  
_This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore_  
 _You’re gone, gone, gone away"_

“Come on…let’s go work on our own version of musicality.” _  
_

Lexa smirked at her own joke and Clarke giggled lightly. She loved every second of that rare silliness. She knew that Lexa’s lighter side was something others didn’t get to see very often. It was a privilege she was both honored by and grateful for. She wanted to be able to know every part of her.  


Clarke pulled Lexa in by the front of her shirt and kissed her deeply.  


_“I watched you disappear_  
_All that’s left is the ghost of you._  
 _Now we’re torn, torn, torn apart”_

“Was that a yes?” Lexa mumbled against her lips.

Clarke grinned and nipped at her playfully. “That was a definite yes.” _  
_

_“There’s nothing we can do_  
_Just let me go we’ll meet again soon”_

They slipped away together, laughing, down to the beach. No one really paid attention to them, except for one, of course.

“You know…Anya will never be able to intimidate any of us again after that.”

“Oh, Clarke…” Lexa chuckled before turning serious. “Don’t underestimate her. She can. And she very much will.”

They went to push out the dinghy together, but Clarke stopped at the last second.

“Shit, I forgot to tell Raven I was leaving. I’ll be right back.”

Clarke and Raven had an understanding that went back to their high school days. They always checked in with each other. No one else had to know, but for safety and peace of mind, they made sure to keep the other informed of their whereabouts - particularly during group gatherings.

Old habits die hard, but this wasn’t one that they needed to break.

Lexa nodded understandingly and folded her arms across her chest while she waited in the dark on the beach as Clarke ran back.  


* * *

 

She was enjoying the stillness, the cool, starry night, when an absolutely shitfaced Finn stumbled down from the ridge. He was singing to himself - she didn’t know the song, it might have been made up - but suddenly froze, confused about where he was. Then his gaze settled on Lexa and it was like a lightbulb went on.

She stood a little straighter as he approached, beer in hand - likely to be a double digit number for him tonight.

“Hey! You’re _Leska_ , right?” he slurred.

“Yes.”

He got even closer and she grimaced at the stench of alcohol, sweating through his pores. Made worse when combined with the dankness of the weed clinging to his clothes.  


“You know…you’re pretty hot.”

“You should keep those thoughts to yourself.”  


He guzzled down the last of what was in the bottle and tossed it into the water.

“Aw, don’t be like that.” He swiped a hand through his greasy hair. “I see why Clarke’s so into you. I’d want you all to myself too…but I’m not selfish like her. Nope.”

“Shouldn’t you be back there with your friends right now?”

Finn’s eyes were bright red and glazed over. His face was splotchy and swollen from the alcohol. Lexa had never spoken to the guy before this and she really had no desire to - especially right now. She looked over his shoulder, hoping that Clarke would make her reappearance soon. Because this really couldn’t end well.

“No, not me. I’m not selfish. I wouldn’t keep you all to myself. I’d share you with her! That’s the right thing to do.”

Deciding that was enough, Lexa shook her head and started to walk off, but he grabbed her arm.

She spun around, shoving him away. “Don’t touch me.”

“ _Heyyyy_ , relax. Look, I don’t know what you’re into, but I’d bet I’d make you feel _real good_ …” He tried to slip his arms around her waist, but she shoved him back again and kept walking.  


He groaned. “This sucks! Why is she making me wait until we get back home? We could all have fun together! The more the merrier, right?”

That Lexa stopped in her tracks.

_Wait until they get home?_

It echoed almost painfully in her ears, piercing her ear drums in the silence. After a beat, she turned back, leveling a steely gaze at him.  


“What are you talking about?”

“Didn’t she tell you? After our date today, we talked about finally giving us a real try. We’re _looooooong_ overdue. She’s been coming on to me for years and now this it it! We’re gonna get our acts together.”

“Sailing today was a _date_?”

“Best date ever!” He grinned stupidly. “She was all over me the whole time, practically naked! It was killing me, I had a freaking tent pole. Took care of it when she wasn’t looking.” He made a lewd gesture to demonstrate. “She’s so fucking hot and those tits… _fuck_ , those tits are just grade A…  I can’t wait ‘til I can get my hands on them again.”

Lexa’s eyebrow shot up.

“ _Again_?”

“Shhhh…” He giggled and leaned into her as he stage whispered, “We were drunk on New Year’s and I got myself some that night… Best handfuls ever. Enjoy her while you can because in two days it’s my turn again.”  


Lexa nodded, her face a stone.

“Oh, so I guess you really don’t mind sharing?” she asked calmly.  


He shook his head with too much enthusiasm.

“And you definitely don’t mind that Clarke and I have plans for her to come visit me in two weeks? She’s staying for a long weekend.”

He stared at her, gaping like a fish.

“S-she’s wha…? Wha?” 

Lexa tapped her chin in faux consideration. “I suppose we could work it out so that you have her during some weekdays, but I’ll have weekends, holidays, all future vacations, etcetera.”

“Wait, hold on, no way… No!” He stepped forward angrily. “Your thing is just a-a thing! A _fling_! She wants me!”

“What the hell are you doing?”

They both looked up to see Clarke coming towards them, eyes ablaze with fury.  


“Hey!” he cried angrily, jabbing his finger at Lexa. “You need to tell her the truth!”  


She kept her distance, her gaze flickering worriedly from Finn to Lexa.

“The truth about what?”

“About _us_!” he nearly shouted.  


Clarke looked at him like he had three heads. “ _Us_?” she shot back incredulously. “You’re out of your mind, Finn. _There is no us._ Never was, never will be. Now, go back to camp and sleep it off.”

She looked to Lexa and moved to take her arm. “Let’s go.”

“No, wait!” He jumped between them and the boat, stumbling over himself in the sand. “ _Clerk_! I don’t get it.”

“Perhaps you should explain,” Lexa said tersely.

Clarke’s head snapped to look at her, seeing a foreign coldness in a usually warm gaze. Her stomach bottomed out.  


_No…_

_This couldn’t be happening._

_She had to know better._

_She had to! She did!_

_Didn’t she?  
_

“Lexa, he’s drunk he doesn’t–!”

“Why are you lying?”  


Clarke whipped around on Finn. “I’m not lying! You wouldn’t listen to me today! I told you it wasn’t going to happen. Not now and definitely not ever!”

He frowned and slung his arm over her shoulder, breathing hotly on her. She turned away in disgust.  


“Okay,” he tried to reason, “you don’t want to mess with the good thing you got going with this chick. That’s cool. I think she’s hot too. Let’s not fight. We can all have some fun together before we leave this place. What do you say?”

“Get off me!” She shoved him with so much force that he tumbled backwards onto the sand.

“Why would you do that?” he whined, pouting up at her like a wounded puppy. “I know we’re good together. You like me!”

“I don’t!”

“I should go,” Lexa said quietly.

“Lexa, please–”  


“I’d like to be alone tonight.”

For Clarke, it was as if she’d struck her. She might as well have.  


“Are you…?” Clarke took a step back, stunned. “Y-you can’t believe him! I can explain!”

“There’s nothing to explain,” she said coldly.  


Lexa started pushing the dinghy out again when Clarke grabbed it and held it firmly in place.

“Don’t do this. Don’t run away. We have a plan. I still want this, I’ve never _not_ wanted this. He’s drunk and stupid and an asshole.”

“Drunk or not, he seems to have a pretty clear understanding of what the two of you are.”

“It’s not true!”

“Fine.” She shrugged indifferently. “So, tell me…when you went sailing today, did the two of you talk about what happens when you go home? What that means for your relationship?”

Clarke blanched. “I didn’t…I mean, _he_ did,” she stammered, “not when we were out on the boat, but he said stuff after we got back to camp and I–”

But that was the end of it for Lexa. She shook her head, exhaling harshly, and pushed the boat hard, forcing it from Clarke’s grip.  


“It doesn’t matter what you said,” she all but growled. “You _hid_ it from me.”

“Not because it meant anything!” Clarke cried in frustration. “I just wanted him to leave me alone and to avoid exactly what is happening right now!”

“We started this by saying that we would be able to tell each other everything and anything. You’re the one who _insisted_ on it. And we did. But out of everything we said, _everything_ we talked about, this is the one thing you chose to lie about?”

“I didn’t lie!”

“ _Withheld_ then,” she amended coolly. “Nothing you say now will make a difference, Clarke. How am I supposed to trust you when you can’t even tell me about something as innocuous and inconsequential as you claim _he_ is?”

“I didn’t want to worry you,” she admitted miserably. “It was stupid, I’m sorry. I should have told you when you asked. I would do it over in a second if I could.”  


“Did you ever think maybe there was a deeper reason you didn’t bring it up? Only guilty people hide things, Clarke. Perhaps there’s more here than you’re willing to admit.”

She shook her head fiercely, meeting her gaze straight on. “You’re _wrong_.”

But it still wasn’t enough to sway her. Lexa had made up her mind.

“It seems our trip has come to an end. You may collect your belongings tomorrow.”  


“ _Lexa_ …” Clarke pleaded, in tears now. “Don’t.”

“I’m glad we had a chance to get to know each other,” she said stiffly. “Good night, Clarke.”

“No,” she gasped, hand over her mouth.

_It was real. This was happening. She was leaving._

Tears streamed down her face as she watched Lexa get in the boat, start up the motor, and disappear into the night. Clarke choked back a sob when she couldn’t hear her anymore. It was just the quiet again with muted sounds of chatter from camp behind her.

She turned back to see that Finn was stone cold passed out on his back. She stared down at him with rage seeping out of her bones.

Finn Collins just ruined the best thing that had ever happened to her.

The cold, detached way Lexa spoke to her… She still met her eyes, but it was like Lexa wasn’t in there at all. It was empty. There was none of that warmth, that incredible spark that made Lexa so wonderfully Lexa.  


Clarke stormed past Finn, resisting the urge to kick him in the face, and went back to the others. She ignored their worried glances and questions as she rifled through boxes before she found it. She twisted off the cap and gulped down as much rum as she could stand, grimacing at the way it burned her throat. She shut her eyes tightly and gagged at the bitterness, taking a deep breath.  


Then she had some more.


	19. Chapter 19

A frigid slap to the face had Clarke up like a shot, but whatever she’d been lying on wasn’t stable. She went flailing through the air and hit the ground hard, flat on her face.

“Ow…”  


_Wow.  
_

_That hurt._

_She might also be having a heart attack._  
  
On top of her heart racing out of control, her head was splitting, and her mouth felt like she’d scrubbed it with that stuff she saw growing on the trees everywhere.

_She didn’t actually do that… Did she?_

“What the hell happened last night?” Octavia demanded.

“Asking myself the same question,” she rasped.

"Clarke!”

“Just leave me alone,” she groaned miserably, putting her head back down.

Octavia’s angry stomps went right past her and faded as she got further away.

The grass was damp and cool underneath her cheek. Or maybe she was the one that was damp. The icy slap appeared to have come from a bucket of water Octavia wielded.

And, as far as she could tell, the reason why she was on the ground was because she’d fallen asleep (passed out) in the hammock last night.

A not-so-friendly bucket of water to the face and Clarke had gone flying as the hammock flipped over on her.  


_Great._  
  
_As if her body wasn’t beaten and bruised and sore enough from this wilderness trip already._

She was trying to will herself into oblivion when the angry stomps came back, quicker than ever, and before she knew it, she was hit with another freezing deluge.

Coughing and spluttering. “WHAT THE FUCK, OCTAVIA?”

Unfortunately, she regretted it immediately because the level of her own voice cause a blinding burst of pain behind her eyeballs.  
  
If she wasn’t drenched before, she was now. Clarke rolled onto her side, wiping the water out of her eyes and pushed back some wet, messy hair out from her face.

“I asked you first! What did you do, Clarke? Everything was hunky dory, even borderline _pornographic_ , between you and Lexa. The next thing we know, you’re pounding back rum like a marooned pirate, and Lexa is gone!”

Clarke felt like she was going to be sick.

And only a small part of it had to do with the amount of alcohol she consumed last night.

“Lincoln and Anya went after her and then he came back later, just long enough to tell me that he wouldn’t be able to come by today. And maybe not even tomorrow before we leave! We’re going home and I’ll probably never see him again.”

Clarke dry heaved on the ground. Octavia was not moved.

“ _What. Did. You. Do_?”

“Hey, come on, O. Back off. She’s had a rough night.” Raven tried to lead her away gently, but Octavia wasn’t having it.

“I swear to God, Clarke. If you’ve ruined this for me with Lincoln, I will never forgive you.”

Octavia was too loud and too grating for Clarke’s overwrought senses right now. She could barely keep her vision straight without wanting to vomit, let alone formulate a response.  


“I get it, your thing is no strings attached. Never stay too long, just a quick in and a hasty exit. That’s fine. It’s your life. But when your little hook ups start messing with my love life–!”

“Lexa is not a hook up!” Clarke slapped her hands on the ground and tried to sit up…slowly.

She couldn’t let her get away with that.  


“I don’t give a fuck what she is!” Octavia fumed. “You need to suck it up and fix this fast. I don’t care if you have to lie through your teeth for the next two days, but I will be damned if I’m going to lose Lincoln just because you can’t manage to keep it together with someone for a lousy two weeks!”

“Jesus, O,” Raven muttered under her breath.

“She’s a coward!”  She spun on Raven. “We all know it. The minute anything gets too real, she runs for the hills. There’s no room for committed romantic relationships in Clarke Griffin’s life. She doesn’t believe in them!”

“That’s not true,” Raven argued. “Just because you don’t understand–”

“What I _understand_ is that Lincoln is loyal,” Octavia cut her off. “He loves Lexa. If Clarke fucked his friend over, I won’t have a chance in hell. He wouldn’t be with me even if he wanted to - out of respect for her!”

“It wasn’t me! I didn’t…” Clarke groaned, massaging her temples. “Why aren’t you shouting holy hell at Finn? It’s his fault! He told her–”

“ _Finn_?” Octavia gasped, face contorted in disgust as she stared down at her. “You hooked up with _Finn_? Oh, that’s it! I’m getting another bucket!”

She was about to storm down to the lake again, but Clarke scrambled clumsily to her feet and launched herself at Octavia, managing to grab her in the nick of time.

“You’re _unbelievable_ ,” she snarled.

“I didn’t _do_ anything with Finn,” Clarke hissed back through gritted teeth. “And Lexa is not a hook up. You don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”

“Then enlighten me,” she crossed her arms, “I’d love to know why I’m about to lose probably the greatest guy I’ve ever met.”  


“Finn was hammered last night and he told her things, things that weren’t true, and I tried to tell her… I _tried_. But it didn’t matter. She doesn’t trust me. She left. And I’m…I'm...”

Clarke was out of breath. The pain of last night was rushing back in, wedging itself terribly between her ribs. It made it hard to breathe, hard to think, hard to move. If she did, she would break.

Octavia was quiet. Raven was looking between them worriedly, waiting for what would come next.

“You need to fix it,” Octavia repeated, quieter this time, calmer.  


She seemed to pick up on the distress Clarke was feeling. In fact, she seemed a little caught off guard by it.  


“If you really didn’t do anything with him–”

“I didn’t.”

“And you actually want her? As…more than this?” Octavia gestured vaguely around them.

Clarke didn’t answer, but that was an answer in itself.

“Just fix it,” she said again, firmly. Then she glanced down and rolled her eyes. “And put a shirt on.”

Octavia walked away and Clarke looked down.  


_She was topless._

_Of course._

__Not that she remembered in the slightest how she got that way._  
_

She rubbed her forehead, willing away the pain.  
  
“Are you–?”

“I’m fine,” she growled, pushing past Raven’s sympathetic expression and walked through a group of passed out delinquents, unzipping the closest tent and ducked inside.

Bellamy was stark naked, sprawled out on top of the sheets, asleep on his stomach. Clarke smacked his bare ass hard to wake him and started rifling through his pack.

“Ow! The fuck…” he mumbled sleepily, cracking one eye open. “Clarke?”

“You’re the only one left with clean clothes, Army Boy. I need a shirt.”

“Why are you naked?” he asked, thoroughly confused.  "I’m sure I was with my girlfriend last night. At least, reasonably sure…“ His brow furrowed contemplatively. "No way I drank that much…did I?”

“I’m topless,” she corrected him, finding a seemingly clean t-shirt at last, “you’re the one that’s naked.”

“But we didn’t do anything?”

She snorted as she pulled the shirt over her head. “Question of the hour.”

“Whatever,” he mumbled, still half asleep. “Let me sleep.”

She smacked his ass again as she left and he yelped.

Back outside in the gloomy, grey morning, she stood up straight coming out of the tent and then immediately ran over to the nearest bushes, violently emptying whatever was left in her stomach - and then some.

Gina and Wells were by the fire pit - likely brewing coffee and making some hot breakfast to combat last night’s proclivities. They saw her and came over quickly. Gina gathered Clarke’s hair into a ponytail, using her own hair tie while Wells rubbed her back soothingly.

“Want some ginger ale?” he asked gently.

“Or a beer?” Gina offered. “Hair of the dog and all that. I would say rum, but you cleaned us out last night.”

“No to both,” she panted before vomiting again.

When it seemed like it was over, her stomach realizing that there was nothing left to give, she accepted a bottle of water from Wells and rinsed her mouth out before taking a cautious few sips.

She knew what she had to do. Octavia was right. She should have done it last night, but…it wouldn’t have worked. It probably wouldn’t work today either. But she had to try. She owed it - not just to Lexa or Octavia - but to herself as well.

_Try._

_There was no other option. No acceptable alternative._

_Try._  


She looked at Gina. “Bell said yesterday that the jet skis were low on fuel, right?”

She didn’t know how to manage the boats, not by herself anyway, but she did have experience with the jet skis. She could do that alone.  


“Yeah, we’re planning to get some more today to fill up.”

“Which one has the most left?”

Gina frowned. “They’re all pretty low, I wouldn’t–”

“Which one?” Clarke demanded, her tone making it clear she wasn’t to be deterred.

She sighed reluctantly. “Green one…maybe?”

“Fine.”

Clarke was trying to drag the heavy, beached, jet ski to the water when Wells came down and did it for her without a word.

She hopped on, foregoing a life jacket, but he held on to the steering column.

“Let me take you over there in the boat.”

“No.”

“Clarke, come on…”

“I said _no_. I’m going alone.”

He exhaled, clearly conflicted, but let go.

* * *

Clarke was flying across the smooth, glassy surface, her hair whipping around her, as the machine roared underneath her. It was cloudy and dark, no hint of the sun. The lake was empty.  
  
It didn’t matter. She knew the way.  
  
But the island was just as empty and silent as the lake. Anya and Lincoln were nowhere to be found. The Yamaha was still anchored, but Lexa’s dinghy was gone.

Despite the endlessly sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, Clarke went down the path to Lexa’s’ camp. Everything was still there, untouched, the same as yesterday - except for one noticeable absence.

It was all too still and cold. Without the sunlight or its occupant, the little site was just gloomy and depressing. It wasn’t the same place she’d always found so comfortable, warm, and welcoming.

She was a stranger here.

Leaving as quickly as she could, unable to bear the weight of it or the sense of loss, she found herself back in Anya and Lincoln’s camp.

There she finally allowed herself a moment to stop and sat down at the wooden picnic table.  


She didn’t have anything else to do anyway.

She hadn’t stopped since Octavia tried to get that third bucket of water to dump on her head.

They were out somewhere with Lexa. Would they be gone a couple hours or the whole day? They had to come back at some point, all of their gear was still here. Should she wait? Should she clean up and prepare a better speech for Lexa other than the jumble of apologies and near-begging that she had floating around in her head?

She shivered. There was a chill in the air that she hadn’t felt once on this trip. That’s when she realized her hair was still wet, dripping onto Bellamy’s shirt, and soaking her shoulders.

Putting her head down with a light groan on the table, she tried to work it through, come up with a plan. Something to do. Something to say.

When she turned slightly, she saw a knapsack. It seemed so out of place for such an immaculate site where nothing was left out without being secured or in its proper place. But here was this pack, just sitting there on top of the table so haphazardly - like it’d been accidentally left behind.  
  
_Or purposely._  
  
Clarke’s hands were shaking as she unzipped it and when she pulled out the first item, everything she’d been trying to hold back last night, broke at long last. All hope vanished, slipping through her fingers, and she was utterly helpless to stop it.

It was her bathing suit top.  


This was a bag of her things.  


Neatly packed and left for her to find.  
  
_‘You may collect your belongings tomorrow.’_  
  
Gone.

Lexa was really gone. She’d really lost her. __  
__  
How was she supposed to go home like this?

Knowing… Everything she never thought she’d know. Knowing everything she wished she didn’t.

You don’t mourn for something you’ve never had.

Or maybe you do. But it’s easier to ignore. How was she going to ignore this?  
  
This wasn’t supposed to happen. Clarke was never supposed to feel this way about someone. It wasn’t in the cards for her. She just wasn’t built that way. At least, that’s what she always told herself.

But she’d been wrong. _  
_

_God_ , how she’d been wrong.

She was sobbing when the other boat pulled up and she cried harder still when Octavia put her arms around her.

* * *

“I never liked her anyway.”  
  
“ _Stop_. You agreed to my terms if I allowed you to join me today.” Lexa settled back in her seat, pulling her baseball cap low over her eyes even though there was no sun to give her reason for it.

They’d outfitted her little boat for fishing and took it up a small jetty. Three cushioned seats that moved with the user were affixed to the wooden planks which not only made it more comfortable, but was also useful when attempting to reel in a catch.

Lexa was by the motor, Lincoln was in the middle facing the opposite direction, while Anya sat up at the bow, her back to both of them.

They’d picked a good place to be today. The fish were practically jumping onto the boat without needing the rod or reel.  


"I’m just saying…I didn’t.” Anya unhooked her third catch after she’d bludgeoned it and tossed it into their ice filled cooler. “Good riddance.”

“Yeah, I could really tell how much you hated her,” Lincoln replied sardonically. “All that laughing and talking together. You even agreed to let her officiate your race against Bellamy.”

Anya had her line baited already and cast out again. “I was being cordial.”

“Well, it’s convenient that you decided to break a lifetime’s bad habit on _this_ particular trip with _this_ particular girl.”

“Lincoln, shut up.” Anya glared at him over her shoulder. “We’re not talking about it, remember? Also, the race was for purely strategic reasons.”

“Enough,” Lexa grumbled lowly.  
  
But Lincoln wasn’t backing down this time. He shifted to look at her. “Are you really going to let this girl go?”  
  
“She should!” Anya said. “The bitch lied.”  
  
Lexa swung around on them both. “I said: _enough_. And she didn’t lie.”

“Fine. Omitted. Whatever. She was hooking up with the kid behind your back.”

“No, she wasn’t,” Lexa said automatically.

“Wait, she didn’t _actually_ do anything with Finn?” Lincoln asked, confused.

“We’re done here.”

Lexa started to reel in, preparing to pack up and leave, but Anya and Lincoln’s quick pleas and promises convinced her. She reluctantly cast out again and settled back into her seat.  


They fell into silence.

Only the occasional movement of someone casting or the sound of the reels clicking echoed through an otherwise eerie, grey morning. They’d left early, but it felt like dawn was still hours away. Lincoln caught his second and, at the rate they were pulling them in, they were going to have to stop soon - or at least start throwing them back because there’s no way they’d be able to eat all of them.  


It was a long while before anyone spoke again, but eventually Lexa broke the silence.

Her voice was quiet and small.

Nothing like her.  


"I don’t think she did anything with him…” She exhaled softly. “I mean… _I don’t know_.”

“Well, even if she didn’t, she was still clearly planning to, right?” Anya replied, but it was without the previous rancor.  


"You don’t know that for sure,” Lincoln pointed out firmly.  
  
"I just don’t understand.” Lexa shook her head. “If she knew he was still interested, why would she encourage him and spend the day with him like that? Why wouldn’t she tell me about what he tried?”

“She’s a liar. Like I said, good riddance.”

“ _Anya_ …” she warned.

“I don’t know everything that went down,” Lincoln said quietly, “but, Lexa, you sound like you’re doubting this a lot yourself. You told me they were just friends. Maybe he was the one lying.”

“Of course he was lying.” She rolled her eyes. “That was obvious. But Clarke didn’t _tell_ me. S-she didn’t say anything. How…how do I trust someone who does that? She’s hiding something.”

“You’re reading into this too much,” Anya said.

“ _What_?” Lexa and Lincoln echoed simultaneously, gaping at her.

She shrugged, glancing back at them momentarily. “People are stupid. We’re a vastly pathetic and intellectually stunted race. I would have done the same if some guy was hitting on me and I was trying to make it work with someone else. Why make things unnecessarily messy? Stupid, but somehow it still makes sense at the time.”

“That’s you. That’s not Clarke. Rather…that’s not who I _thought_ she was. Who she _claimed_ to be…” Lexa was talking more to herself than the other two listening.

“Weren’t you just saying ‘good riddance’?” Lincoln said, still baffled by Anya’s sudden change.

“Yeah, but if we’re gonna be _real_ about it, Lexa is totally overreacting.”

“ _Excuse me_?”

“It’s fine. I think it’s better this way cause long distance is pointless, but don’t kid yourself, Commander. You’re just looking for an excuse not to have to fall in love again. Then you can crawl back inside your little shell and be nothing but all work and no play again for another 4 years. A boring, but safe little life.”  


Lexa didn’t say anything for a long moment. Lincoln and Anya shared an uneasy look.

Finally, after reeling and recasting, Lexa settled back down and while staring at the water, she asked, “What do you think, Lincoln? Am I overreacting? Looking for an excuse? Finding fault where there is none? Am I playing it safe, like she says?”

He took a moment to contemplate.

“It doesn’t really matter what we think, does it? You already know the answer. Of course you do. So…how about you tell us what you think?”

“What I think…” Lexa said slowly and looked up at the sky, “is that those clouds aren’t going away anytime soon.”  
  
“Hm, true. I smell rain,” Anya agreed. “Lincoln, what did the forecast say?”  
  
There was no answer.  
  
Both girls turned to look at him.  
  
He had the guiltiest look on his face.

“I…I haven’t exactly been keeping up with it…”  
  
“What? That was your responsibility!” Anya said. “You’re supposed to be checking it every morning!”  
  
“I’ve been a little distracted!” he said sheepishly.  
  
Anya huffed in disgust.  
  
"When was the last time you checked?” Lexa asked.  
  
He seemed unsure. “Um…last week?”  
  
“A WEEK?” Anya cried.  
  
_Well, there went all the fish._  
  
“They said it would be beautiful!” He protested. “Only a little rain at the end of it - off the tail end of a tropical storm on the coast. Looks like this it. No big deal.”  
  
Lexa and Anya shared a knowing look before they started packing up quickly - smacking Lincoln at any chance they could.  
  
“We need to get the satellite radio and see what we’re in for.”


	20. Chapter 20

There were five people crowded into Raven and Clarke’s tent. Four were playing cards as the rain beat against the waterproof roof. At least, it was _supposed_ to be waterproof. They would find out soon enough. Clarke was lying on her side, pretending to nap, while the others played cards. Raven knew she wasn’t sleeping though and patted her every so often to remind her that she wasn’t alone.

But she was.

“Anddddd we have our winners,” Octavia said, looking out at Monty and Jasper who were whooping and dancing in the rain.  


It’s only been an _hour,_ ” Harper groaned. “I thought I had another 30 minutes at least!”

“You underestimated them,” Octavia tutted. “I win, pay up.”

“No way, you said _Jasper_ would be the first to go stir-crazy. You didn’t include Monty.”

“So?”

“They went out at the same time which voids the bet.”

“That’s pure semantics and doesn’t count at all!”  


Music started blasting from Bellamy’s tent and Clarke groaned, putting her arms over her head.

EDM was the last thing she needed in her life right now.

But Monty and Jasper loved it. It pumped them up even more, she could hear them over the noise, and Raven chuckled at their antics.

“Oh! There goes Brian.”  Zoe laughed. “He can’t resist.”  


“Are they seriously reenacting an EDM festival right now?” Clarke muttered.

“Got to find some way to pass the time,” Octavia reasoned, but she put her hand on Clarke’s leg sympathetically and gave her a small smile. “It’ll be over soon. Showers pass quickly here.”

“We can only hope,” Raven said.  


“Yeah, cause it looks like one of them is gonna slip and break their necks at this point.” Harper said as she watched them with a hint of concern.

Clarke stayed silent, still facing away from the others, staring at the fabric of the tent as water rolled down in a stream on the outside. The noise overhead as the rain hit the tent was still louder than the so-called "music" pumping from Bellamy’s side.  


It was already over.

* * *

The dance party went on, more people were joining, while the girls in Clarke and Raven’s tent kept playing cards, laughing with each other.  


Clarke didn’t hear at first. There was too much noise. But Harper stopped in mid-sentence as she looked outside.

“Are they going somewhere?”

“What?”

“I don’t know, but they stopped dancing. They’re…it looks like they’re talki–?”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU MORONS DOING?”

Clarke was up like a shot _._

“It’s called rain dancing!” Jasper replied gleefully.  


But the music cut out anyway, leaving just the wind and the rain.

Clarke scrambled over the other girls, ignoring their protests, and unzipped the flap, stumbling out into the deluge.

Sure enough, it was Anya in a windbreaker shouting at Jasper. Lincoln was right behind her, hurriedly securing their boat.

“Jesus fucking… WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

“It’s just a little rain. What are you flipping about?”  


"How could you people not check the reports? The emergency broadcasts?”

“Um…” Jasper was stumped.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked breathlessly, running up to her, not caring that she was already soaked from head to toe. Her hair was matted and sticking to her face, she pushed it away impatiently while looking down to the boat where Lincoln was, searching desperately for her, but she wasn’t there.

Anya turned on her with dangerous flash in her eyes. Before she could say anything though, Lincoln was sprinting towards them with large strides.

“This is about to turn into a hurricane,” he said hurriedly, looking through the group for, presumably, Octavia. “We came by to check on you to see if you needed help packing but–”

“They’ve been too busy _rain dancing_.”  


Even with her hair drenched and water streaming down her face, Anya still looked as dangerous and volatile as ever.

Clarke’s stomach twisted into knots as it hit her, spreading through her mind as she realized the gravity of their warning. She no longer saw a sweet summer storm, quick to come and quick to go, but a nightmarish landscape with ugly skies, torrential rain, and wind that was starting to whip around them. She cursed herself for her utter ignorance. Had she really been so foolish as so drop the ball this way? It was against her entire being…  


Lincoln shook his head, eyes lighting with relief when he saw Octavia duck out of the tent.  


“We have to go!”

“What’s happening?” she called back, running over to them.  


Clarke was kicking herself. 

_Of course_ , they should have checked the weather reports. She should have done it herself instead of listening to Bellamy and Octavia reassure them that this happens all the time. That there was nothing to worry about. Instead, she was too focused on…

_There._  


It was the voice she’d been aching to hear. It cut through the roar of the wind - calm, strong, and with startling clarity.  


“Lincoln, help them secure their boats and gear.”

Lexa leaped out from the boat with ease. She must have been bent down working on something where Clarke couldn’t see. She was wearing a windbreaker too, red, and was dripping wet as if she’d just stepped out of the water from swimming.

Lincoln nodded and started grabbing some of the delinquents to help him.  


Clarke couldn’t stop staring at her. It was like seeing a mirage - a part of her believed it was real, but the part felt like it would all disappear in a single moment if she tried to reach for it.

She’d honestly been afraid she would never see Lexa again.  


Bellamy and the others had joined them now, everyone’s mood taking a hard turn.

“A hurricane?” he echoed, mostly to himself. “I didn’t…I didn’t think…”

But Lexa wasn’t going to wait for him to process his guilt.

“You don’t have much time. Work with Lincoln. Now!”

He nodded shakily and ran off, shirtless and barefoot, to help the others who were already racing to collect all their toys and tie off the jet-skis.  


“Anya, we’re gonna show them how to pack all their stuff in and lock down the rest.”  


The blonde was off without a word and barking orders to the delinquents who were still standing there, shell shocked, by this sudden turn of events. No one knew quite how to deal with this.  


“Do what they say!” Clarke shouted in a burst of frustration. “We have to get the hell out of here!”  


That was enough for them to break out of their stupor and Anya was an effective Lieutenant. Soon, the whole place was a flurry of people breaking down camp with an efficiency they certainly didn’t have when setting it up.

There was a moment’s hesitation when Clarke turned back to meet Lexa’s eyes. The other girl was grim and determined, the hard mask still there, the steely gaze, but Clarke felt it. Just for a second. She did.

She _saw_ Lexa again.

And it wasn’t a mirage.  


They didn’t allow themselves any more than that, parting just as quickly as they met, and focused on their respective tasks. They didn’t exchange a single word  - it’d only been moment. But somehow that moment was enough to breathe new life into her.  


Clarke put all thought of them aside and threw herself into the swing of things, doing whatever Anya, Lincoln, or Lexa said. Pretty soon she caught on enough to start helping the others and showing them what to do, encouraging them to move faster.

* * *

The rain picked up along with the wind so everyone had to shout at each other just to be heard over the roar. The wind ripped violently through the trees around them, forcing them to bend to precariously in a way Clarke had never seen.

It was early afternoon, but the skies were so dark and grey that is was hard to see, especially through the thick veil of rain pouring down. They heard thunder rolling in the far off distance, which only served as an alarming reminder that the real storm hadn’t even reached them yet.

“How did this happen so fast?” Octavia yelled, her wet hair lashing across her face.  


“It was sunny and perfect yesterday!” Harper agreed in bewilderment.

“It’s mountain weather!” Anya threw back at them. “It changes in a split second and you never know which area will have it worse! Tie that fucking thing down! Don’t you know what a proper knot looks like?”  
  
“I’m doing the best I can!”  
  
“If you want your stuff to be here tomorrow, you better take extra care to do this right,” Lexa warned them. “Hurricane winds will tear this place apart in a second flat.”

“Where are we going to dock, Commander?” Lincoln asked from the other side where he was helping take down the large canvas that had served as their food tent. “The shelter is in town and we still have to get to my truck.”

“Shelter?” Octavia repeated, confused.

“Yeah, they’ve set up an emergency area in town for those camping. It will–”

“No way,” she cut him off. “We’re going to my Mom’s place. It’s a little over a mile away, on the lake. You’re coming with us. There’s plenty of room.”

Lincoln and Anya simultaneously looked to Lexa for approval.  


But Lexa was silent.

“It’s safe,” Clarke said.

Lexa turned to look at her slowly…reluctantly.

“You can dock easily there and it’s a huge house. Come with us. It’s the least we can do after you came to help us.”

There was a beat. The rain continued to pour down on them. Thunder boomed in the distance.  


Lexa tilted her chin down slowly in agreement.

Everyone’s shoulders relaxed slightly in relief and they went back to work. Clarke’s gaze lingered on Lexa for a moment longer until someone called her away.

* * *

The rain was absolutely torrential and the skies were dark. The wind was roaring around them now, a stark contrast to merely a half an hour ago. You could hardly see more than a foot ahead of you with the way the rain was coming down in sheets.  


They’d packed up everything they could, as quickly as they could, and they were down on the beach, putting the last of their things in the boats. The rest that they couldn’t easily carry was tied down and positioned as best they could manage. They would just have to rely on luck now. Cross their fingers and hope it’d still be in the same condition when this was all over.

Lexa was knee deep in the water, helping to load up the delinquent’s boats with their gear, showing them how to cinch it together. The wind was howling and it made things even more difficult than before. The lake was a choppy, foam, mess into the grey gloom. Thunder continued to roll in from the distance…closer than before.  


There was a loud ripping sound, distorted by the wind. Lexa looked up sharply, scouring the area around them for any sign of something out of the ordinary. It was familiar…but she couldn’t remember why it bothered her so much.  


Then her eyes landed on someone above the beach, still in the camp, and she remembered what that sound was.  
  
"CLARKE!”  


There was a tremendous crack that reverberated through the air and Lexa could only stare in horror, too far away to do anything, as a tree broke against the strain of the wind and was falling directly on top of Clarke who had her head down against the wind as she focused on rolling the last of the tarps.  


Out of nowhere, Finn barreled through the rain and slammed into Clarke, throwing them both out of harms way and tumbling into mud. The tree crashed down right on top of the tarp Clarke had been working on seconds before.  


Lexa felt her knees nearly give way and she held onto the side of the boat, eyes glued to the scene before her.  


_So close… Too close…  
_

Clarke rolled over and stared at the fallen tree with wide eyes before turning her head to Finn. She didn’t know what to say.

“ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?” he yelled over the wind.

Clarke just nodded dumbly and after a moment, she regained her bearings, the shock passing, and got to her feet alongside Finn, drenched in mud.

“EVERYONE ELSE ACCOUNTED FOR?” she shouted down to the beach.

Various people yelled back affirmatively.

“WE’RE LEAVING!” Anya shouted to them all.  


Everyone started getting into the boats, preparing to push off.

“CLARKE, FINN, GET DOWN HERE BEFORE YOU BOTH GET KILLED!” Raven had her hands cupped around her mouth.

Finn nodded and grabbed Clarke’s hand, tarp forgotten, and they ran down to the beach. He helped lift her into the boat Bellamy was driving before leaping in himself.

Lexa watched them settle in and she wanted to protest. She wanted Clarke with her - to be at her side where she knew she could keep her safe. But she didn’t have that right. Clarke was already with Finn and Bellamy and that would have to be enough. Swallowing down the painful lump in her throat, Lexa turned her attention back to the last of the gear, before getting in her own boat, starting up the motor.

They were leaving in a group of three boats: Lexa’s, Bellamy’s, and Murphy’s. Murphy was going to take the pontoon - slower and bigger, but no one would be going very quickly in this storm. He was able to store the most gear and had a lot of the delinquents with him. Bellamy would take point since he knew the route to his Mother’s lake house best, Lexa would follow, and Murphy would be last.

“Remember, you’ll want to speed up, but you have to fight that instinct. Visibility is nil and we must stay together at all cost,” Lexa told him.

“I got it. Don’t worry, just follow me.”

Lexa wasn’t reassured, but she didn’t have much of a choice.

* * *

Lightning started as soon as they were on the water. Everyone was quiet. There wasn’t anything else they could do really. The boats tossed and turned against the wind, the chop hitting the hulls hard. Nothing to do except hold on and wait until their captains could get them to safety.

They moved slowly, all three boats in tandem. They could hardly see their friends through the storm though they weren’t more than twenty feet away.

“Lexa,” Lincoln said calmly next to her ear as he held onto the metal frame, “we’re getting pushed into the islands. If we don’t…”

“I know,” she replied shortly, “the wind is too strong, I’m going to kick it up a notch, but I just don’t want Bellamy to think–”

The rest of it was drowned out by a terrific crack of lightning followed by thunder.

Lincoln nodded anyway, knowing he’d been heard, and knelt back down out of the wind. Octavia was huddled in close next to him.  


Lexa watched carefully as her boat started to edge out in front of Bellamy’s. She couldn’t see anything more than a blurry outline at the steering wheel, but as she predicted, he sped up as well, but far too much.

She cursed him mentally with the foulest words she could think of. Why couldn’t he just follow her lead instead of trying to outdo her? He didn’t have to be ahead of all of them in order to lead them. She looked behind her to see that Murphy had increased speed as well, but still remained in the same place, close to her side, trailing slightly behind for safety. Thank God Anya had chosen to go with them.  


They couldn’t go any faster, it would be too dangerous, but when she looked ahead again, Bellamy’s boat was even further away.

The panic that was building inside of her was for one reason and one reason only.

Clarke was getting further away.

And she couldn’t stop it.

“LINCOLN.”

“YEAH?”

“DO WE STILL HAVE THAT FOG HORN?”

The rain was pelting her face like sharp, tiny pieces of glass and the wind was so strong, it made her eyes tear up and blur, but none of that mattered. She had to get everyone to safety.

She had to make sure _Clarke_ was safe.

Lincoln was rummaging around in the cabin underneath.

“WHAT DO YOU NEED THAT FOR?” Octavia called up.

“YOUR BROTHER DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO LISTEN.”

That had her up in a flash. Octavia stood next to her, gripping whatever she could, as she braved the full force of the wind and rain as Lexa did.

She searched the water for Bellamy, finding him as a blurry white spot in front of them and she cursed aloud, using words even worse than Lexa had in her head.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?”

Lexa didn’t respond. It didn’t really need a response anyway.

“LINCOLN, DID YOU FIND IT?” Octavia yelled down to him.

“NOT YET. CHECK THE COMPARTMENT IN THE MIDDLE FOR ME.”

Octavia disappeared from Lexa’s side and crawled on all fours, looking for the opening Lincoln described. She found it quickly and yanked it open. She had to dig under some rope and random items, but sure enough, she recognize the foghorn.

“I GOT IT!”

Lincoln slid out of the cabin, pushing backwards while he was on his stomach so he could get to his knees. Octavia slammed the compartment closed and handed it to him.

Lexa was watching Bellamy and their surroundings with a hawk-like vigilance as the other two scrambled around below.

The first wave of panic happened when she saw the boat holding Clarke edge away.

The second wave was not of panic, but of fear, when they were so far ahead that they were barely visible anymore.

The third…the third that was happening right now was nothing short of absolute terror.

“LINCOLN!”

He popped up next to her, hearing the strained worry in her voice, while holding the foghorn.

“I have it!” he said, holding it out for her to see, but Lexa didn’t even look.  


She was fixated on the sight looming before them and pointed.

“Is that what I think it is?”

He peered through the dark grey, trying to see past the rain obscuring everything, and took in their surroundings as best he could with the dark shapes of the mountains and the barely there line of the shore.

Then he saw it too and his eyes widened. Lexa felt the icy grip of fear squeeze her heart in a vise like grip. They both recognized it.  


Bellamy was heading straight into a dead zone.


	21. Chapter 21

Octavia stood quickly at Lincoln’s side, all three of them being pelted by the wind and rain. “A dead zone?” she echoed, terrified. “Bellamy’s going into a _dead zone_?”

Her panic was hardly unfounded. She’d learned her lesson well in their first day here about the dangers they posed.  


“Are they too far to hear the horn?” Octavia looked to Lincoln desperately.  


Lexa’s knuckles were stark white from her grip on the steering wheel. She seemed calm and determined, but Lincoln and Octavia both knew better.  


“I think so, but we have to try,” he said.  


He released it for at least 6 seconds. Octavia winced against the noise, but Lexa hardly heard it. She could only focus on the little white dot. Was it turning? Were they getting closer? Were they getting further?  


He stopped the noise for a moment and then released it again.

And again.

“I don’t think they can hear it…”  


Lexa’s stomach bottomed out. Her eyes were burning from the wind and her face had become numb from the rain pelleting her. She had to do something.

_Anything._  


Suddenly, a staticky sound burst through and a very familiar, disembodied voice came from somewhere below.  


“Hey, what’s with all the noise? Hurricane not doing it for you?”

Octavia’s eyes widened and she dove down. Lincoln went to help her, but Lexa couldn’t tell what they were doing. She was still too focused on the dot ahead. They hadn't changed course, but they also hadn't vanished from sight yet. She held on to that.

Clarke was still there.

When she glanced back quickly, she saw that Octavia was pressed against the sideboard, curled underneath Lincoln for protection against the rain and she was holding their satellite phone.

“Raven! How did you–?”

“Combine my indelible genius with Monty’s affinity for gadgetry and we can work miracles. HF shortwaves are child’s play. Now what the hell is the horn about?”

“Bell, fucked up. He’s going too fast and they’re headed into a dead zone.”  


Lexa watched the white dot still seemingly headed towards danger and slammed her hands on the wheel. “Hey, she’s with Murphy, right? Get Anya!”  


Octavia nodded determinedly and ducked out of the protective cover of Lincoln to get closer to Lexa. “Raven, put Anya on.”

Her voice burst through the line almost immediately. “What do you need?”

Octavia held out the phone for Lexa so that she didn’t have to take her hands off the wheel.  


“The idiot is driving himself straight into a dead zone.”

Anya was on the ball. “…And the air horn isn’t loud enough.”

“I’m going after them. Stay at this pace. Does that pontoon have headlights? A beacon? Anything bright enough?”

Lexa looked over her shoulder, seeing the boat just behind her, off to the side. She couldn’t make out anyone in particular, but they were sticking close. And they were safe.  


“I’ll find out. It has to have something. We’ll try to signal them.”

A small kernel of hope sprung in Lexa’s chest, bringing enough relief for her to take a breath. Despite their many altercations and opposing views, Anya was one of her best friends in this world, and she could count on her for anything. She always could.

“Be careful, Commander.”

“You too.”

Lexa looked at Lincoln and Octavia who both nodded their assent before she pressed down on the shifter. They quickly moved away from the Anya and the rest, darting towards the white dot ahead before it was too late.  


* * *

She was in the water. 

She was in the water and she was pulling a motionless body towards the boat. 

The lake was so churned up by the storm that there were frothy white clumps all around her. There was a lot of shouting.  


But none louder than her own.

“TAKE HIM!”

She brought Wells as close to the side as she could so that Lincoln and Octavia could haul him up. They got under his arms and managed to drag him in. Lincoln gave the fearful delinquents in the other boat a quick thumbs up to let them know Wells was okay - just suffering a bit of shock from the fall.

Combined with the fog horn, the flashing light from the pontoon boat, and the sound of Lexa’s boat roaring up behind them, Bellamy clued into the danger just in time to swerve out of the way of a rock jutting out from the water. He made such a sharp turn that no one had time to prepare. Jasper smashed his head on the sideboard. Zoe flipped onto her back and hit some of their gear. Wells went overboard.

Which is how Lexa ended up in the water.

But she wasn’t finished yet.

“WHERE’S CLARKE?” She swam over quickly to the other boat.  


They didn’t have much time to sit out there like that. The wind and surf was too strong, it’d push them right into the most dangerous parts. They had to get out.  


But she couldn’t make out Clarke’s face anywhere on that boat and as she grew closer, a deeper dread started to form.

“CLARKE!” she shouted, searching all the wet faces staring back at her. "WHERE’S CLARKE?”

Bellamy looked around in confusion, his curly hair now flat and drenched, so long it covered his eyes. He slicked it back and leaned over the side to see Lexa.  


“She’s not with us! I thought she went with you.”

Lexa’s chest tightened, but she couldn’t let the fear overwhelm her. She couldn’t afford to.

“I saw her get into the boat!” She looked at Finn who seemed to be as equally frazzled as Bellamy. “You had her!”

“Yeah, but she got out at the last second!” he said, panicked, looking at the others pleadingly before turning to Lexa again. “I-I thought she was going with you!”

The pain in her chest was almost enough to sink her. She could barely move, let alone breathe. All this time she’d thought Clarke was there with them and now…  


_Clarke._

_Clarke was missing.  
_

She didn’t have time for them.  


“Slowly ease down on the shifter or you'll flood the engine” she said sternly. “Go around the island on the right and STAY on that side. Don’t go any faster than we were in the beginning. Murphy will catch up to you.”

She didn’t even wait for a response as she swam fast through the stormy waters and pulled herself up smoothly at the back of her boat. Lincoln tried to help her in, but she was already heading for the captain’s chair again, soaked from head to toe. She’d pulled off her windbreaker before she jumped in the water for Wells, so it was just a t-shirt and cut offs now. She should have been cold. She should have worried about hypothermia. But she wasn’t and she didn’t. There was only one thing that mattered.  


She had to find Clarke.

Octavia had Wells in her arms and they sat on the floor of the boat together. He seemed to be more awake and cognizant, but still wasn’t moving much. He might have hit his head on the boat when he was going over.

Lexa ignored repeated inquiries from Lincoln as she kicked up the puttering engine from neutral and turned them away from the looming dangers beneath the dark surface.

Clarke must still be at the campsite. If she meant to get in Lexa’s boat…and Lexa didn’t see…

Oh God.

She didn’t _see_ her.

All she wanted was for Clarke to be safe, to be with her, and she just left her like that… She abandoned her! Clarke chose her and Lexa wasn’t even paying attention…

“Lexa, you’re going the wrong way.”

“We’re going back,” she said tersely.

“What?” Lincoln cried. “Why?”

“Clarke’s there.”

“What?”

She didn’t say anything more, despite endless pleas from Lincoln and Octavia for more of an explanation. The storm was getting worse. The wind alone was enough to capsize them now, but there was no choice.

_None._

Lexa didn’t see anything, hear anything, or feel anything other than the devastating vise grip on her heart . She pictured Clarke stranded, knee deep in the water, as all three boats pulled away, leaving her behind. Her voice being carried away on the wind.

_Alone._

And it was Lexa’s fault.

Octavia grabbed her arm all of a sudden and thrust the satellite phone next to her ear.

“LISTEN!” she shouted.

Lexa was about to shove her off when a tinny, distorted voice broke over the speaker. She knew that voice.

“LEXA!”

_Clarke._  


Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest. She immediately slowed down and grabbed the phone from Octavia’s hand.

“Clarke?”

“It's me! What’s going on? Why are you going back?”

“I…I thought… Where are you?”

The wind whipped around them, sending their boat rocking precariously high. Lightning flashed over the mountains. Thunder followed.

“I’m on the pontoon with Anya and the others. What are you doing? They said you were trying to go back to the campsite?”

Lexa was so overwhelmed, she could hardly find the words to speak. The relief was… Oh. She’d never known relief such as this.

“A-are you safe?”

“Yes, I’m fine. We’re almost to the lake house. Please, Lexa. Turn back.”

Lexa nodded even though Clarke couldn’t see. “I’m on my way.”

She was safe.  


Clarke was safe.  


She’d gotten on the other boat after Lexa turned away. She was okay.  


They were almost to safety.

_Safe._

It echoed over and over in her head, growing stronger with each reverberation. Then it stopped and she looked up. There were still three others waiting for her. Worried. Afraid. Relying on her to get them through this.  


She handed the phone back to Octavia without a word and carefully turned them around. Wells was fully awake again and watching the whole scene play out with wide, worried eyes. The three of them seemed to take a collective breath of relief when Lexa stopped being an insensate woman on a mission and put them back on course.


	22. Chapter 22

It felt like hours before Octavia pointed out her Mom’s house on the shore. Another hour still before they managed to actually get to the dock. But it actually hadn’t been very long at all. The others seemed to have just arrived. Bellamy’s group was still unloading gear and it looked like Murphy had just docked, tying down the pontoon.

She saw Clarke, just a flash of blonde and her back, as she led a charge up the hill with everyone carrying a load.

_Breathe._  


Lexa guided her boat expertly into the seemingly last open spot. The rest happened in a blur. Securing the boats. Unloading their things. Hauling it up the hill to the Blake’s, quite massive, house. They had to make several trips.

There was a really odd moment when Lexa first jumped onto the dock, quickly tying her boat off, where she came face to face with an older man who was helping the others. His hair was salt and pepper, he had a full beard, and he was was soaking wet from the rain. Lightning crashed on the lake surface, flashing white and purple across their faces.  


“Kane?”

“Miss Woods?”

“You two _know_ each other?” Octavia gaped.

“Time for that later,” Kane said. “Let’s get you all inside!”

Lexa couldn’t have agreed more. It was busy, grueling work, and the hill had turned into a water slide. She couldn’t keep track of how many times people slipped on the treacherous grass, falling onto muddier and muddier ground.

Eventually, they had everyone inside, safely out of the worsening storm. Every single one of them was covered in grass, dirt, and dripping onto what seemed like a brand new wood floor. Wells seemed okay, just worn out. Everyone else appeared unharmed, just a little worse for the wear.  


Lexa’s hands wouldn’t stop shaking. She clasped them behind her back to hide it as she kept herself slightly apart from all the others. Her mind was a blank. She stared at a puddle on the fresh hardwood floor that was rapidly growing larger.

She didn’t really hear what was going on around her. There was a woman holding onto Bellamy and Octavia. The resemblance was striking, there was no mistaking their mother, Aurora Blake. She was talking to the group and there was a lot of nodding and chatter in response. Lexa just kept watching the puddle grow. It was meeting her own little puddle she’d created with all the water dripping off her.  


_Did they have a mop?_

“I’m going to help Lexa get bandaged up,” Clarke announced all of a sudden.  


Startled, Lexa looked up with wide eyes and found Clarke’s tender gaze looking back at her. It was the first clear thing she’d heard or seen in what felt like a very long time. She didn’t flinch or refuse as Clarke took her hand and led her down a hallway away from the others.

“The supplies are in the cabinet underneath, Clarke. The rest of you can start taking turns with the one upstairs or below. I’ve set out towels…”

The voices faded and then disappeared altogether as Clarke took her into a bathroom and closed the door behind them.  


It was quiet.  


Lexa’s hands were still shaking.

Clarke tapped the cold, marble counter-top. “Up.”  


Lexa was in a daze. She did as Clarke commanded and hopped onto the counter…waiting.

Clarke dug around the cabinets for a moment before she came back up with an armful of supplies that one would usually find in a first aid kit. Lexa watched with a blank sort of curiosity as she set them down.

Clarke tossed her an easy smile. “I too know a bit about first aid.”

Lexa didn’t ask why she needed to know that or what all the supplies were for, but soon Clarke was dabbing cotton at her forearms and knees. That’s when she saw the blood smeared across her skin and clothes. She’d gotten pretty banged up and never noticed until now.

Did it happen in the water? When she was getting back on the boat? Was it when they were hauling their things up the hill to the house? She tried to poke through the thick fog clouding her memories, but came up empty.  


“How’s your knee?” Clarke’s huskiness cut through…straight into Lexa’s chest. She could practically feel it reverberating there. “You have a deep scrape on the right.”  


She shrugged woodenly. “Hurts.”

Clarke’s lips formed a thin, grim line. “This will sting, but I’ll be quick.”

“It’s fine.”  


She shrugged again, but, oddly, these responses seemed to concern Clarke more than if Lexa had admitted to being in agonizing pain.

It was quiet again.  


Clarke was focused on her task and Lexa was focused on her.  


She watched her silently. Her movements were so sure, so practiced - she hardly ever stopped. She would meet Lexa’s eyes every now and then, flashes of bright blue, but still she’d continue. Cleaning the wounds diligently, applying ointment, bandaging.

Lexa’s whole body was trembling.

“You’re cold,” Clarke said.  


She shook her head. “Not really.”

“Then why are you shaking?”

“I don’t know.”

Clarke finished off the last bandage and ran her hands under the faucet before grabbing a clean cloth and wet it with warm water. Then she was between Lexa’s legs and Lexa inhaled sharply at her closeness. She didn’t shy away from it though.  


Clarke hesitated for a moment, only a moment though, before she reached up to cup Lexa’s jaw, holding her there for support as she began to gently wipe away the muddy streaks on Lexa’s face and neck.  


It was instinct. She couldn’t stop herself.

Lexa turned into her touch and Clarke smiled, but it quickly grew watery. She still didn’t say anything.

So Lexa knew she would have to.

“I was scared today.”

_Terrified._

_Out of my mind._

_The thought of losing you…_  


Clarke’s movements stuttered for the first time since they came into the bathroom. But she covered herself quickly, moving to rinse off the cloth, before resuming.  
  
“So was I,” she said finally with a shrug. “It’s okay to–”

“Not for myself,” Lexa said purposefully. “For you, Clarke.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t… That doesn’t happen to me. Not like that. Not for _anyone_.”

She might have imagined it, but she felt Clarke’s thumb brush over her jaw soothingly.

“…Except for Aden,” she blew out a breath, “and the last time that happened was when he was 9 and he broke his arm playing soccer.”  
  
“Trying to follow in big sister’s footsteps?” Clarke teased, trying to lighten the mood, but it wasn’t the time and they both knew it.

She sighed with a small shake of her head to show she understood and used the cloth to clean Lexa’s arms now.

“After Costia, my ex…” Lexa swallowed thickly, “I told myself that love was weakness. I lost my parents, I lost her, and the only common denominator for that kind of pain was that I loved them.”  
  
Clarke’s movements slowed and she was practically holding her breath, her gaze flickering up to Lexa and down again. If she reacted too strongly, said the wrong thing…she was afraid it would make Lexa shut down. And that couldn’t happen. Clarke needed to hear it almost as much as Lexa needed to say it.

“So…” she said quietly, glancing up, “you just stopped? Stopped caring about anyone?”

“I rejected anyone who tried.”

Clarke took her other arm and busied herself with wiping off the dried blood and dirt, she didn’t speak or look at her, but she was listening so intently that she was giving herself a headache.  


“I was adamant,” Lexa continued. “Then it became less of that and more about being busy, focused on the store, the business, and taking care of my brother. I have responsibilities and I just…I focused on that instead. Then you happened.”

Clarke stopped, holding her breath as she stood still between Lexa’s legs, tender blue eyes fixated on her, and hands toyed nervously with the wet cloth.  


“Clarke…I don’t…” her voice wavered, “this doesn’t _happen_ to me,” she finished, almost despairingly.  


Whatever had happened last night didn’t matter right now. Clarke seized the opportunity with both hands…literally.

She tossed aside the cloth and caressed Lexa’s cheeks, leaning in slightly as she met her eyes determinedly.  


“I’m okay, Lexa. I’m right here.”

Lexa didn’t try to move away. She stared at her openly.  


“We barely know each other…” she murmured.  


Lexa was still trying to talk herself out of it…futilely. She was trying to make herself see reason when there was none.  


“We know more than you think.”

“Do we?”

Clarke sighed, a small, fond smile playing on her lips. She just shrugged. “I’m scared too.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Lexa covered Clarke’s hands with her own. “For the first time in as long as I can remember…I don’t know what to do.”

“Well…” Clarke started slowly, “first, you’re going to let me take care of you tonight.”

“And tomorrow?"  
  
“We’ll take on tomorrow together. That’s how it works, right?”  
  
“You say that like we’re together.”

It could have been cruel. It could have been cold and deliberately hurtful, but it wasn’t. It was…warm and open. An honest, vulnerable tone with an underlying question that she dared not ask.

And it filled Clarke’s heart, healing her a hundred times over. She didn’t realize it until that moment, but she’d already been healing from last night the moment she heard Lexa’s panicked voice over the radio earlier that day.

The lights flickered rapidly before shorting out, leaving them in complete darkness. Neither moved. There was some yelling from the people in the house and then a loud noise burst outside, not thunder, but a mechanical sound of a machine roaring to life. The lights flickered on again and stayed lit.

“Generator’s on!” Kane shouted, his voice muffled and distant.

Clarke was pretty sure she heard some applause following. She smiled, never having taken her eyes off Lexa, and dropped her hands from her face to lean on her thighs as she moved closer.

“I say it like that because we _are_ together…even when you tried to run.”

“I didn’t run,” Lexa replied automatically.

She raised her eyebrow. “No?”

“No.”

“My mistake.” The corner of her mouth turned up in amusement. “Well, I’ll just speak for myself then. There’s an us for me. But…seeing as how you’re shaking right now even though you yourself said that you weren’t cold…I know there’s an us for you too.”

Lexa wrapped her legs around Clarke’s waist, careful not to disturb the bandages on her knees, and pulled her flush against her - despite the fact that they were both shivering and still soaking wet. Clarke’s heart fluttered wildly and she placed a hand on either side of Lexa to brace herself.  


"This doesn’t happen to me either,” she whispered.  
  
Lexa scrutinized her for a long moment before reaching up to take Clarke’s face in her hands just as Clarke had done to her moments before.

"It looks like we’ve both been proven wrong,” she murmured.

Lexa kissed her. It was soft and slow, but firm. She made sure Clarke knew…knew everything she was feeling.

And Clarke did.

They rested their foreheads together, breathing in each other, with their eyes closed and their hearts open.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what he was doing.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Clarke was the one who leaned in that time. Their lips fusing and mouths melding once more. Lightheaded and delirious.

They would discuss that night more in depth later, going into both sides of how it fell apart, but for now…it was enough.  


Suddenly, Clarke felt the weight of exhaustion hit her. Two days and hurricane’s worth of exhaustion.

Lexa held her steady when her knees buckled.

“You’re tired,” she said knowingly, kissing her lips again sweetly. “It was a lot for you today.”

Clarke scoffed, rolling her eyes. “A lot for _me_? I’m not the one who heroically dove into stormy, dangerous waters to rescue a man from drowning.”

Lexa shrugged. “He wasn’t drowning. He just needed a little guidance after the shock.”

“ _Right_ …” Clarke drawled. “How about we both just admit it’s been a long day?”

That smirk she knew so well was on Lexa’s lips and her heart skipped a few beats.

“All right,” Lexa said fondly, “ _we_ can admit that.”

She looked over herself then Clarke with pursed lips.

“I think we should shower.”

Clarke sagged into her at that wonderful, brilliant, magnificent suggestion.

“ _God, yes_ …”

She’d been without a real shower for 13 days.

They removed Lexa’s bandages carefully together and then helped each other out of their sopping wet clothes. The water was hot, clean, and delicious as they stepped under it, holding each other up. It was a balm of relief to their deprived bodies. Clarke could feel the layer of grime that never quite went away, no matter how hard she scrubbed in the lake, finally washing off. It was the first time either of them had been able to clean off with filtered water in two weeks and it was a damn near holy experience. She was surprised there was still hot water, but Lexa explained how an oil burner and a big enough generator would be able to power it all while she massaged shampoo into Clarke’s hair.

After what Clarke deemed the best shower of her life, they wrapped themselves in the towels that had been set out, and hung their sopping wet clothes in the shower to dry. When they came out, there was a pile of spare clothes in the main room. Though ill fitting, there were enough dry, clean things for all of them.

Clarke had a strong feeling the oversized tie dye t-shirt she was wearing belonged to Kane and her pajama bottoms seemed to be Aurora’s. Lexa was wearing a long sleeved shirt that Clarke recognized from Octavia’s old high school and boxers that she really didn’t want to know if they came from Kane or Bellamy. Lexa didn’t seem to care though. It was comfortable and dry - that’s all that mattered.

They all found various places through the great room to curl up and eat the hot stew Kane had apparently been cooking all day. The storm raged violently outside, lightning and thunder constantly interrupting them, but no one cared. They were inside. They were warm. They were dry. They were safe.


	23. Chapter 23

The Blakes lake house was gorgeous - massive, and luxurious - every inch of space designed and utilized by a seemingly professional touch. Clarke heard from Bellamy that his mother wanted to build her own mountain get-away two years ago. Seeing the results now…it was clear Aurora Blake spared no expense.

_We couldn’t have vacationed in the lap of luxury here instead?_

Clarke shook her head. _  
_

_Octavia and her stupid grudge against Kane…_  


They were all gathered in the Great Room, sprawled out on various pieces of furniture when the dining table only fit 10. The pitched ceiling must have been 20 feet above Clarke’s head as she tilted back to look at the gorgeous, almost rustic feel of exposed pine that ran across it. The house faced the lake with a wall of windows, floor to ceiling, which Clarke knew would give them a stunning view on most any other day, but today it just gave them a front row seat to the monstrous storm ripping through outside.

It was okay though. Now, they were merely spectators to this great storm and no longer participants…or victims, really. It was okay because now they could watch from the safety of this beautiful, strong home, and know that they were protected. Lightning flashed again and again over them as thunder constantly interrupted, but no one paid it any mind as they ate their supper.

_And she was totally not jumping every time the thunder claps…  
_

_Not at all.  
_

Another deafening boom had Clarke half out of her seat. Lexa put her hand on Clarke’s thigh and squeezed reassuringly  


Clarke gave her a weak smile, but inside she was cringing at how pathetic she must look.  


_Stupid thunder…_

She must have been frowning pretty intensely because Lexa shifted closer, slipping her arm around Clarke’s shoulders.  


“Are you all right?” she asked quietly.

Clarke felt the tension flood out of her body at Lexa’s touch…the headiness of her being close like this…

Her smile was one hundred percent genuine this time.  


“Definitely.”  


Lexa smiled too and they went back to eating their supper. _  
_

It was quieter than Clarke was used to with this crowd, owing to exhaustion. Lincoln, strangely enough, was the chattiest Clarke had ever heard him since they met. It was mostly directed at Aurora (and Kane, much to Octavia’s disdain).  


The day had caught up to Lexa as well. Clarke had already caught her almost nodding off into her bowl of stew twice. She couldn’t keep this up much longer, but knowing what she did about Lexa, Clarke knew the woman would never admit it.  


“We were on the phone with the rangers when you pulled in,” Kane said. “They check all the sites in storms like these, but you never know and we wanted to be sure they’d get to you in time.”

“But here you are,” Aurora said firmly, as if to remind herself.

Bellamy smiled and squeezed her hand while Octavia nodded at her solemnly from across the room. Aurora looked between them both and sighed, allowing herself a weary smile.

“I have to say, you are one of the last people I would ever expect to show up at our door, Miss Woods.”

“I share your surprise,” Lexa replied, lowering her bowl to her lap, “but I am grateful for your hospitality and–”

“My _mother’s_ hospitality,” Octavia interjected coldly. “This is her house.”  


“Octavia, not now,” Aurora said firmly.

“I am grateful to you both,” Lexa amended smoothly, “for allowing us strangers to take refuge here.”

“You’re hardly a stranger, Miss Woods,” Aurora said. “Marcus told me all about you. You managed to leave quite an impression. He admires you.”

“Okay, seriously,”  Octavia snapped, “how do you know _him_?”  


Her blatant disregard for Kane did not go unnoticed, but it did go unsaid. Her mother just shot her another warning look. Kane pretended as if there was nothing out of the ordinary happening, the smile never leaving his face.

Clarke was listening to the exchange in silence, as an intense observer, but she was tucking away all these nuggets of information in the back of her mind - ready to explore and discover on a better day.  


Lexa gave Octavia a tired, but polite focus of her attention. “We had some business together last year.”  


“I’m only sorry we weren’t able to conclude it,” Kane said. “You’re a true visionary, Miss Woods.”

“Tell that to my Uncle,” she quipped, but it was clear she was not comfortable having this conversation.  


Kane didn’t pick up on it. He only tutted and rapped his fingers on the table. “Gustus is stubborn and set in his ways, but you have more influence over the man than you know. He looks to you for your knowledge and expertise. If there is anyone who could convince him–”

“Marcus,” Aurora cut him off, squeezing his shoulder affectionately but pointedly, “no business talk tonight. Can’t you see how tired she is after their ordeal today?”

She was absolutely right. Clarke looked over at Lexa sympathetically as she was valiantly trying to stay awake and alert for the conversation as well as make it though their meal.  


“Of course,” Kane nodded, seemingly apologetic. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Clarke decided to jump in there since Lexa certainly wasn’t going to do it for herself. “Well, I’m about to pass out after everything today so I’m going excuse myself.” She took Lexa’s hand, squeezing gently to alert her. “And I’m sure Lexa could use the rest now too.”  


Lexa’s eyes flew open, startled by the sudden shift. Clarke acted quickly, thanking Aurora, as she took the half empty bowl from Lexa, and cleaned both of their dishes in the sink against Aurora’s protest. Lexa was drifting off again, but in her brief moment of alertness, she seemed confused about where she was and where her bowl had gone. Then Clarke was standing in front of her again and tilted her head towards the hallway, gesturing for Lexa to follow.  


Which she did. Of course she did.  


Aurora pointed out where they would be able to sleep and that she’d already made up the beds. They would have to share of course, but there was still ton of room. Three guest bedrooms on the main floor, the loft could sleep 8 comfortably, and there were two pullout couches.  


“Thank you again,” she said to the older woman as she took Lexa’s hand.  


“Don’t thank me,” Aurora replied, rubbing Clarke’s shoulder fondly. “You know you’re always welcome, Clarke. Sleep well. I’ll phone your mother for you to make sure she knows you’re safe.”

Clarke nodded to her gratefully and led Lexa down the hall to the third guest room she’d decided to claim without asking, knowing her friends would full well concede it to her anyway.

Surprisingly…or perhaps not because of what they’d all just been through…there were no wolf whistles or cat calls as Clarke took Lexa to bed for the night.

* * *

 

“This is the first time we’ve ever been in a real bed together.”

“I could get used to it.”  


They were under the covers, drapes drawn, lights off, but still the rain pounded loudly against the roof and the wind beat against the windows. Lightning flashed through the curtains and thunder boomed. But they were warm, safe, sheltered, and they were together. Mother Nature could howl all she wanted, but she couldn’t touch them now.

They were on their sides, heads on their own pillows, facing each other in the dark. Lexa took Clarke’s hand and held it in the space between them after she brushed her lips over her knuckles.

Clarke sighed happily at the feeling of Lexa’s plush, soft lips against her skin. It wouldn’t get old. It couldn’t. Not just the the way it made her heart stutter, but how right and comfortable it felt. In no time at all, Lexa had opened up an entire new world that Clarke didn’t know existed. And, yes, there was pain there too, heart rending, unimaginable pain. But the happiness that came with it…there were no words to describe it. That’s how she knew any pain that might come would be invariably worth it.

Watching the dark outline the sleepy woman in bed beside her…Clarke finally understood the how.

Intellectually, she understood the why. That falling in love brought pleasure and pain tenfold. That the one made up for the other and in the end was worth it.

But…she never understood _how_ it really happened.

Because it never happened for her. She never felt it. She never felt the intensity. The magnetic draw. The way your head spins and your heart thunders. You can’t imagine a more nerve wracking state of existence or a more peaceful state of contentment. Only does the one person manage to turn you inside out over and over.

Then she was stranded on a rock with her head bleeding, absolutely freezing, and a beautiful Forest Goddess came to her rescue (and of course immediately started undressing her).  


How did other people fall in love? Clarke still didn’t know.

But she fell.

“I know why they call you ‘Princess’ now,” Lexa said sleepily, surprising her.

Clarke thought she’d long since succumbed to exhaustion.

”What do you mean?” she asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace they’d found in that moment.

“You handled yourself well today. Your friends, they look to you for leadership.“

Clarke rolled her eyes even though Lexa couldn’t see her. Still, she couldn’t deny the quickening of her heart, a feeling akin to pride to have Lexa pay her such a compliment. It meant so much more coming from her, the woman her own friends referred to as ‘Commander’ than it would have from anyone else.  


"Usually I’m considered the annoying Mom friend.”

Lexa yawned, pulling Clarke a little closer. She could feel the warm, even little puffs of air on the back of her hand as Lexa breathed. “It’s more than that.”

“Well…” The corner of Clarke’s mouth turned up in a wry smile. “If I wasn’t convinced of the Commander before, I definitely am now. You were incredible.”

Lexa moved again, close enough now so that their noses were touching, but she didn’t say a word. Clarke’s heart was racing again. The little smirk before had bloomed into a full smile that she couldn’t stop even if she tried. She nudged Lexa’s nose affectionately with her own, trying slow the rapid fluttering in her chest to no avail.  


“You know…’Princess’ didn’t really start out as a compliment.“

"No?”

“Finn thought I was pretty spoiled.”

“Another reason to love that guy…” Lexa grumbled, but there wasn’t any real bite to it.

Clarke slipped her free arm over Lexa’s waist, shifting so that their lower halves were pressed together, tangled legs and all.  


“It wasn’t just him. Bellamy and some of the others felt the same. They thought I was used to getting what I want, having everything handed to me. But…they didn’t know my life.”  
  
“So they changed their opinion eventually,” Lexa nodded, “but why still call you ‘Princess’ then?”

Clarke thought about it for a moment. “I suppose for the reason you said.” She nudged her again with a smile. “I’ll take 'Princess’ over 'Mom friend’ any day.”

“Would you like another title?”

Clarke giggled lightly. “Another title?” she echoed. “Are you royalty now? Do you have the authority to bestow me with titles and lands? Am I being knighted?”

Lexa answered with a kiss that was sweet and short, but more than enough to have Clarke lose her entire train of thought.

“You can be called anything you want.”

“I think I’m okay with sticking to Clarke." She sighed happily. “And even though it might not have started out as a compliment, I think ‘Princess’ is actually their way of…”

She didn’t really know how to finish that, brow furrowing ever so slightly.  


“Showing you respect?” Lexa offered.  


“I wouldn’t put it that way,” she shrugged, “but…yes. In a sense, I guess.”

“Wouldn’t you rather be ‘Queen’?”

“Only if I get the crown jewels to go with that title.”

Lexa laughed softly. “Fair enough.”

Clarke nuzzled closed and found Lexa’s lips again for another, much…much needed kiss.

“Sleep?” she whispered.

Her reply came in a throaty, unintelligible murmur. Clarke grinned so stupidly she was grateful the lights were out so that Lexa couldn’t see her. She buried her face in the pillow, trying to contain herself and soon she was able to relax.  


For the first time in… Well, actually, she’d never felt like this before. Not exactly.

It was going to be all right.

She felt lighter…happier…and content in a way she never really knew possible. Lexa and all her promises were still there. After what they went through today, Clarke knew she’d never actually lost her.

Lexa’s breathing, slow and deep beside her, was incredibly soothing and the perfect counterpart to the storm raising hell outside. She closed her eyes and focused in on hearing Lexa and only Lexa.  


“I’m in love with you, you know?” she whispered into the darkness for only her ears to hear.

Their fingers were still entwined as Clarke fell into the sweetness of oblivion.

* * *

It was bittersweet when they went out on the lake the following day, seeing the utter havoc and destruction wreaked upon the peaceful mountains they’d gotten to know so well in the last two weeks.

It was Day 14.

_Time to go home._

Trees were pulled up, debris strewn everywhere, and the lake was higher than Clarke had ever seen it. The sun was out, bright and clear, but there was still a damp chill in the air, reminding them of the storm not long past.

The delinquents went with Kane and Aurora by truck to their campsite. Getting back to their vehicles and loading up whatever else had been left behind. Their site was accessible from the road while Lexa, Anya, and Lincoln were staying on one of the islands, which was only accessible by boat.

Clarke and Octavia decided to go with them instead of the others case they needed the extra hands.

But also because…it was day 14.

Two weeks were up.  


_And they were going home._

Anya and Lincoln’s camp was unrecognizable. There were small fallen trees, larger ones now leaning with its exposed roots half ripped out of the ground, branches, leaves, and all sorts forestry were strewn about. They could also see how high the water had flooded, right up to where their tents had been. Clarke stared at the disaster with a sinking feeling of dread.

What if they’d been stranded here? What if Lexa had been made to ride out the storm on this tiny little island, exposed. What did her own campsite look like? If they hadn’t come to get them…just in time…

Lexa sighed beside her and Clarke was shaken from her musing, joining Lexa at once to see what she was looking at.

The dread turned into absolute devastation.

Lexa had cleared away some branches to reveal an aluminum structure hidden beneath a fallen tree. It was her boat.

They’d turned it upside down and carried high into camp where the rising water wouldn’t reach it.

But that left the trees.

“Oh…” Clarke gasped softly, her hand covering her mouth.  


But Lexa just waved her over, wordlessly asking for Clarke’s help to move the slim tree trunk. A few awkward reaches and one giant heave was all it took to shove it aside.

It was even worse than Clarke thought. The hull was crushed, caved in under the force of the fall. Where once had been the shiny, sleek aluminum underside with a freshly painted trim was now a scratched up, dull, and dented piece of scrap metal.  


“Lexa, I’m…I’m so sorry.”

Her mother’s boat… Clarke was absolutely devastated for her. She could only think about what she’d be feeling if this had been something of her Dad’s. What if this had been one of her last remaining cherished items that belonged to Jake Griffin? Instead of a boat, she was seeing the watch she left at home - the glass crushed, the silver tarnished, the chain ripped apart…  Her Dad’s watch, the one she wouldn’t dare risk bringing on a camping trip, but killed her to leave behind.

Momentarily lost in her own grief, it took Clarke a few beats too long to realize that Lexa wasn’t upset. In fact, she was…fine? She was kneeling down by the boat, running her fingers over it with her lips pursed as she seemed to examine the extent of the damage. But there was no sadness. No loss.

Lexa glanced up at her and Clarke must have had some kind of look on her face that gave her away because Lexa smiled at her.

“It’s all right. I’m used to it.”

“Used to it…?” Clarke echoed.

Lexa stood up, brushing off her hands. “You don’t use a boat like this for more than a decade and get away with keeping it in mint condition, Clarke. See here?” She bent over a spot on the side, dragging her fingers over it so Clarke could see where it dipped. It was actually a pretty significant dent, but she wouldn’t have noticed it without Lexa pointing it out. It was so well cared for, you’d really have to be looking for it to see. “Rammed it into the side of the docking pole at home when I was 11. Learned that lesson the hard way… And here…”

She continued to walk around the boat, pointing out various places that had patches or dents or scratches - giving a story for each one.

“And this one,” she raised her eyebrow, looking at Clarke as she traced a raised line that carried almost straight into the middle of the boat, “ _this_ was Lincoln who lost control of a handsaw and nearly split the thing in half before I managed to yank the power cord.”

“No!” Clarke gasped.  


Lexa shook her head fondly at the memory.

“I’ve basically become an expert welder to be able to keep this little thing up and running. I’ve put more money into it than I ever should have actually. I probably could have bought a brand new speed boat instead of repairing this.”

“Three!” Anya groused as she walked by them with an armful of soggy gear.

Lexa smirked. “Perhaps…but there’s no substitute.” She sighed and went to Clarke’s side, slipping her arm around her waist as they both looked down at the ruined, but apparently not quite, boat. Clarke firmly took hold of her waist as well.  


“This is how life works. My uncle showed me that the first time I took it out and ended up with a little ding on the bow. I was heartbroken. I thought I’d ruined it forever. How could I have been so careless with her mother’s boat? I was trying so hard to protect it and still I failed.”

Lexa looked at her with a wry little half smile that did things to Clarke’s heart that she would never be able to describe.

“But Gustus told me that things like that would always happen. That it’s inevitable in life, but also that I had a choice. I had a choice in how I reacted. I could do nothing and let it be destroyed…send it to the junkyard or maybe even lock it up in the garage and never ride it again. Destroy it or waste it by locking away…”

“Or?” Clarke prompted, squeezing her side lightly.

“Or I could cry out my tears, stand up, learn how to repair it, and move on. Life doesn’t let you live without taking hits and the same rule applies for boats. Either way, you either lay down and let it sink you or you get back up and figure out how to fix it.”

Clarke swallowed thickly, giving Lexa a brave smile. “I think I’d really like to meet your Uncle.”

“He’s a grumpy piece of work, stubborn and set in his ways,” Lexa sighed. “He pretty much loathes everyone. I make him sound better than he really is.”

“Yeah, right. Don’t worry, I’ll win him over.”

“Clarke…”

“Okay, maybe I won’t,” she conceded and they both chuckled, “but I’ll never stop trying. A man who was able to be that kind of person to you, to raise you, love you, teach you how to be strong… That’s a man worth knowing.”

Lexa nodded, unable to say anything else.

“I still say Gustus stole that speech from me,” Lincoln said, coming up behind them.

They released each other to turn around and face him. Octavia was down on the beach loading the boat while Anya was working a few feet away, seemingly unaware of their existence. Purposely unaware, really.

“Yes, Lincoln. He stole the speech from a 14 year old.” Lexa replied dryly, rolling her eyes.

“You know I’m right. I’ve been saying it my whole life and the man tried to use it for himself. He knows that I know!”

“I have a feeling this is an ongoing grudge match…” Clarke said in amusement.

“Don’t get him started,” Lexa hissed.

“Get knocked down, get back up. Only way to do it. He heard me say that and took it like a golden nugget of wisdom to pass on to his niece who hero worshiped him.”

“Good God, Lincoln,” Anya groaned exaggeratedly. Clearly, she couldn’t ignore them for long. “Let it go! It’s been more than a decade. Either throw down the gauntlet and raise your fists or move on!”

“I’m not going to beat the old man up.” He frowned, tucking his arms across his chest. “I’m not that kind of person.”

Lexa scoffed. “You’ve been using that tired excuse all these years. You know Gustus can still kick your ass.”

“He’s like a head taller than you.”

“And definitely out of your weight class.”

“He’s in the best shape I’ve seen him.”

“I think Lincoln is just–”  


“Wait a second!” Clarke interrupted them all, pausing as she thought hard with a furrowed brow. “Isn’t that a Chumbawamba song?”

The three of them stared back at her in stunned silence.  


It was almost like it happened in slow motion - Anya’s face lighting up, Lincoln’s mouth opening to argue, Lexa turning away slightly so her grin wouldn’t be seen.

Then the silence broke.  


“No?” Lincoln tried, unsteady. “It’s…it’s a saying…”

But Anya cracking up behind them hysterically only made it that much worse. Lexa’s eyes were shining mirthfully as she hid behind her hand.  


“Hey! It’s _not_ Chumbawamba!” he insisted despite the laughter from Anya and Clarke.

Lexa pulled herself together enough to pat his arm consolingly. “It’s been welcomed and valued advice in my time of need, Lincoln. From you _and_ Uncle Gustus. Don’t worry about them.”

“ _He drinks a Whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink. He drinks a Lager drink, he drinks a Cider drink._ ”

“Anya…” he growled, his eyes narrowing darkly.  


She disappeared into the trees but they could still hear her singing at the top of her lungs.  


“ _He sings the songs that remind him of the good times. He sings the songs that remind him of the best times.”_

Lincoln grunted unhappily and stalked off to work with Octavia who was just finishing up and watched him in bewilderment as he stormed past her.  


“Hey, what’s going on? Lincoln, what’s the matter?” She paused. “…is Anya singing Chumbawamba?”

A loud cry of frustration told them all they needed to know.  


Lexa turned back to Clarke with a shake of her head, sighing. “They can be a handful sometimes.”

But Clarke wasn’t paying attention. She was busy clearing away some debris and singing under her breath.

“ _I get knocked down, but I get up again. You are never gonna keep me down._ ”  


Lexa snorted loudly, clamping her hands over her mouth to fight the laughter. Clarke’s head snapped up at the sound and her eyes widened with delight.

_Did she…_

_Was that…_

_Did she actually hear that?_  


Lexa Woods just _snorted_.  


It was possibly one of the best feelings Clarke had ever known.

She sidled up to her, still singing along with the disembodied Anya, louder now. “ _I get knocked down, but I get up again. You are never gonna keep me down. I get knocked down…_ ”  


Clarke bit her lip, pulling on the front of Lexa’s shirt as she grinned cheekily.

Lexa couldn’t hold out any longer especially with Clarke wiggling her eyebrows so absurdly and she broke into unbridled laughter.

Clarke was positively thrilled by this turn. To think that she, _Clarke Griffin_ , managed to get the stoic and level headed _Lexa Woods_ to laugh at this silliness. Was there anything better?

_Making her orgasm?_

_Okay, maybe one thing was better._  


Clarke pulled the still giggling Lexa into her arms as she sang along with Anya in the distance.

“Lincoln can never know about this,” she said sternly.  


“Your secret is safe with me, Commander,” she cooed, leaning in for a kiss.  


“ANYA, SHUT UP!” Lincoln roared, finally breaking the calm, chill demeanor Clarke had only ever seen from him since they met.

Clarke and Lexa burst into another round of laughter and quickly ran off to the other end of the island together, ducking out of the line of fire and into each others arms.

They didn’t have just two weeks anymore.

They had all the time they wanted _._


	24. Epilogue

“I think Lexa’s going to break up with me.”

Raven snorted, rolling her eyes as she walked away towards the kitchen.

“I’m serious.”

They were in Clarke’s apartment, waiting for Wells to bring dinner by. Octavia was on the couch, disinterestedly scrolling through her phone. Clarke turned from the window to face her friend, arms across her stomach as she hugged herself.

“Come on…” Raven glanced up at her as she poured herself a glass of water. “You’ve been saying that for weeks now. How many times do I have to tell you? It’s all in your head.”

“It’s been 6 months of long distance,” she reasoned stubbornly. “I’ve been busier with rotations at the hospital and she’s…she’s obviously busy with work and whatever else…”

“Whatever else?” Raven echoed, raising her eyebrow skeptically.

Clarke shrugged. “She’s barely had any time to talk in the past couple months. I can feel it. Something’s off.”  


“Well,” Octavia broke in with a long suffering sigh, still not looking up from her phone, “in any case, you two had a good run. 30 years is way too long to be stuck up your ass. Lexa deserves to breathe again after all that time.”

Clarke glared at her murderously while Raven just snickered.  


“Have I mentioned how much I hate Lincoln for telling you about that?”  


It’d been private - their ongoing inside joke that one day in Clarke and Lexa’s relationship was the equivalent of two months - but Clarke inevitably let it slip to Raven, and then Lexa let it slip to Lincoln, so naturally both circle of friends were all fully aware of their little secret and made no bones about tormenting them for being _Lextra._

“We’re a couple,” Octavia deadpanned, eyes ever glued to her phone. “Couples share.”

That sobered Clarke quickly and she looked away.  


“Right…” she said quietly. “Couples share.”

_Except that’s not what she and Lexa have been doing lately._

_Well, it’s not what Lexa was doing lately anyway._

Octavia caught Clarke’s sigh and at least had the decency to feel a little guilty about it. She looked up at her from the couch, but Clarke didn’t notice. She was back in her own swirling world of worry. Out of the corner of her eye, Octavia caught Raven emphatically gesturing with her hands while mouthing ‘fix it!’.

“Clarke…hey, Clarke…come on.”  


The second time got her attention and Octavia continued.

“I didn’t–you guys are fine,” she said with a little too much enthusiasm for it to be natural, especially from Octavia. “Lincoln would tell me if there was anything going on. He and Lexa are freakishly in sync with each other. You’re just overreacting. Chill out.”  


Clarke’s gaze grew cloudier and she barely nodded in acknowledgment before she moved away from the living room, putting space between her and her friends.  


The loud slap of Raven’s palms on the counter top did not go unnoticed. Octavia looked back with wide eyes and a useless shrug, mouthing ‘what?’.  


Daggers were her reply.

Clarke was oblivious to the exchange. _  
_

They were happy. They really were! Or, at least, Clarke had been. The last few weeks though…the last two months really…there’d been a shift. Lexa had always been busy with work, but never too busy that she couldn’t carve out some time in her day for Clarke. They traveled to see each other every other weekend, taking turns on who visited who. Lexa never bailed on a single visit until suddenly two months ago “something came up at work”. And then it happened thrice more since… Clarke tried asking her if there was anything wrong, but all she got was the brush off.  


Work was more demanding than usual.  


Everything was fine.  


Lexa was sorry for not being more available.

But she didn’t really seem sorry… It was all sort of an afterthought. Clarke had gone from feeling like she was at least number 1 or 2 on Lexa’s list of priorities, to…an afterthought.

It hurt.

It hurt too much to think about. So she tried not to. Tried to follow Lexa’s lead and pretend that everything was absolutely fine.  


But it wasn’t.

Lexa was drifting away and Clarke didn’t know how to stop it. How do you keep a force of nature such as Lexa Woods tethered down? It wasn’t all her fault. Clarke didn’t have as much time for her as she did in the beginning either. With Lexa’s encouragement she’d enrolled in med school again and began her 3rd year of training in rotations. Her mother was ecstatic. And for balance in her life, she was also taking an art class twice a week with Lincoln.

Yes, Lincoln had moved to the city that very fall after their camping adventures. Octavia said that if he hadn’t come there, she would have been off to D.C. in a shot. Lincoln said he always wondered what it would be like to live in New York City and Octavia was the best kind of excuse he could ask for. He ended up taking a staff position in the rehab department of NY Presbyterian where Abby Griffin was Chief of Staff (only one or two strings pulled). He packed up his life in D.C. and then he was in the city and part of their circle as if he’d always been there. Clarke once asked him how he felt about up and leaving Anya and Lexa like that, but he just shook his head with a smile. He could never leave them even if he tried. Didn’t matter where they were.

And that was that.

Unfortunately, things were not quite so easy for Clarke and Lexa.  


Lexa had responsibilities and strong ties to D.C. Her brother was going to high school. That’s where her business was located. She didn’t have the same freedoms that Lincoln did. Clarke tried to bring up the possibility of her going to Georgetown Med, but Lexa wouldn’t hear of it. Clarke would have an easier time picking up where she left off in New York with the same program. With her mother’s connections and how well she was known in the medical circles there…her career would move much faster.

Lately, there wasn’t a day that went by where Clarke didn’t second guess that decision. With Lexa growing more distant, Clarke was kicking herself for not insisting that she go to D.C. for school. It wouldn’t have been that big of a difference. A few setbacks, sure, but it would have been worth it.

Because she would have been able to save her relationship…with the woman she loved more than anything and anyone.

Now she was faced with the prospect of losing that and it was unbearable.  


“Jesus, Clarke!” Raven bumped her shoulder, knocking her from her thoughts, and pulled her back into the room where a chastised looking Octavia was slouching. “You can’t honestly believe this crap. The woman worships you.”

Raven plopped into the armchair while Clarke remained standing, but at least she didn’t try to move away again.  


“She’s hiding something from me,” Clarke insisted. “I know it. Something’s changed.”

“You know, she’s not the only one who’s changed.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes at Octavia. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Her phone was no longer the sole focus of her attention as Octavia set it aside. Raven groaned, sinking further into the chair as she braced herself for what was coming.

“You’ve done a total 180. Back in med school, in an actual relationship with someone who isn’t a convenient pit stop, taking art classes with my boyfriend, and now whining and moping about the supposed love of your life being too busy running her own business to tuck you into bed every night. Get over yourself. When did the Great Clarke Griffin become a whiny, clingy–”

“Okay!” Raven clapped, chuckling nervously, as she held her hands up between them to stave off the argument that was likely about to explode. “Clarke, what O is doing an unbelievably shitty job of saying here is that there have been a lot of changes in your life lately, a lot of really good ones, and you’ve never been in a relationship before - you don’t know what to expect. So maybe you’re getting a little nervous about the half year mark? Waiting for the other shoe to drop…and it’s making you paranoid?”

Octavia scoffed. “That’s not what I was–”  


“Ladies!” Wells’ voice boomed through the apartment, effectively cutting her off, and a door slam followed. “Some help please…”

He appeared in the hallway with a toppling armful of take-out which Octavia made a mad dash for, tossing her phone aside. She seemed to forget that they’d even been talking at all. Raven looked back at the still gloomy Clarke, pursing her lips sympathetically, and kissed her on the forehead before pulling her along to eat with them. They didn’t bring it up again.

But it was never far from Clarke’s thoughts.

* * *

Lexa hurried up the steps to Clarke’s apartment building, cradling a large paper bag in one arm, while tugging off her leather glove with her teeth and fishing out her keys from her messenger bag with the other. It was a frigid New York night with a threatening Nor’easter hurtling their way. The snow had already begun, sticking to her long, wavy dark hair. She opened the door with surprising ease and shook out her hair and jacket as she made her way up the stairwell, getting warmer already.

Clarke was at the hospital working a late shift, but Lexa’s meeting ran behind and now she was short on time, but she knew if she moved quickly she could still get everything set up before Clarke got home. She wanted it to be perfect. Clarke deserved perfect.

Using the keys Clarke gave her, she opened the door to Clarke’s apartment and it was dark inside. She decided to find a place to set down her bags before bothering with the light switch.  


There was a cry and a shadow lunged out of the dark at her. Lightning quick reflexes was the only thing that saved her. Glass shattered, shared screams, and Lexa dove for the light switch.

Clarke was standing there in her pajamas wielding a baseball bat, looking frantic and alarmed. There was a bowl in pieces on the floor. Clarke had managed to whack that instead of Lexa’s head…thankfully.

“Lexa?” she cried breathlessly, lowering the bat, but still gripping it tightly as the adrenaline started to wear off.

 Lexa sagged against the wall in relief. “Oh, I thought you were working tonight,” she said much more calmly than the situation felt like at the moment.  


“That’s what you’re going to say to me right now?!” Clarke’s voice went up an octave. “I thought I was about to be murdered!”

Lexa chuckled and pushed off the wall, embracing a still slightly wary Clarke with a deep kiss that soon had them melting into each other. The bat dropped onto the hardwood floor with a clatter, but Clarke just wrapped her arms around Lexa, deepening the kiss.

They agreed in the beginning not to use the phrase “I miss you” too much. Only reserve it for the most needed times. Sometimes in a long distance relationship, “I miss you” happens so often, it becomes the only thing you say.

_But…God…_

As Lexa’s hands slid up Clarke’s shoulders to cup her neck and Clarke threaded her fingers in Lexa’s ever thick and wavy curls…no braids. It was a summer time only thing apparently.

_They weren’t voicing the words, but ‘I missed you’ echoed between them over and over a thousand times and again.  
_

Eventually they parted, hearts racing, foreheads pressed together, breathless for an entirely different reason now… A much better one.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke murmured, soft, wondering smile on her kiss swollen lips as the pads of her thumbs brushed over Lexa’s cheeks. “According to your text this afternoon you were going to be in back to back meetings and then straight to bed. In _Washington, D.C._ ”

“I changed my mind,” she replied easily.  


Clarke’s smile grew wider, gaze flickering from Lexa’s eyes to her lips. “Did you now?”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

“You definitely… _definitely_ succeeded.”

She leaned back in to capture her lips once more, deep and languid. They broke for a gasp air and chuckled, still wrapped up in each other.

“What are you doing home?” Lexa asked, almost in a whisper, running her fingers through Clarke’s hair.  


They just couldn’t stop touching each other. As if they couldn’t believe this wasn’t another dream they’d wake up from and they’d still be too many miles apart. As they explored each other’s bodies in the simplest of ways, no damage, same as they remembered - it was affirming that it was real. They were together again.  


Solid. Warm. Soft. _Real_.

“According to _your text_ , you were pulling a double.”

“Harper asked for some extra hours.” Clarke shrugged nonchalantly.

Truth be told, she’d actually been right on the line of her 80 hour limit for the week and she really needed the rest. Harper threatened to go to their attending and report her if Clarke didn’t go home. When Lexa started be less available, Clarke threw herself into school and the hospital as a distraction, taking every shift available when she wasn’t studying. She didn’t say that though. She didn’t want to worry her and worry is exactly what Lexa would do.

The answer, predictably, didn’t quite satisfy Lexa who was eyeing her with that knowing gaze that always made her shiver. But before she could question her further, Clarke pulled away, dropping her arms.

“So what’d you get me?”

Lexa sighed, barely audible, but she allowed the change of topic and watched silently as Clarke peered into the paper bag.

“Candles…candles…more candles…” She mused aloud, rummaging through it a bit. “Oh! Fairy lights…with even more candles.” Clarke looked up at her with a an amused tick of her eyebrow. “Did my friends finally get you that gift basket?”

“Gift basket?” Lexa repeated with a confused frown.

“Oh, yeah, they wanted to thank you for fucking me so thoroughly our first night together at the lake. Coffee?”

Lexa stared at her in bewilderment as Clarke walked off into the kitchen as breezily as she had let that bomb drop.

“No…no, thank you.” Lexa shook her head, trying to erase the image of the delinquents lining up to offer her presents for sex with Clarke. As if it were some sacred ritual…which she really couldn’t deny…but–  


Then it finally clicked for her that Clarke just said she was going to make coffee at this hour.

“No coffee for you either,” she called out reproachfully. “You need sleep, Clarke. Not more caffeine.”

“But you’re here and I wan…”

Lexa was already in the kitchen with her, gently, but firmly, leading her away from the coffeemaker.

“Fine, fine,” Clarke acceded. “May I have some wine instead, ma’am?”

Lexa gave her a look, oh the look she’d gotten to know so well, the look she absolutely loved getting more than anything.

_Okay, not more than anything._

_Cause there was a lot of other stuff she really loved with Lexa and about Lexa._

_Like sex._

_Sex was high up on that list._

_So very, very high…_

_The point is, she liked that look.  
_

Smirking, tongue between her teeth, Clarke pulled an already opened bottle from the fridge and set two glasses out to pour for them both as Lexa kissed her cheek and went back into the living room. _  
_

While Clarke was busying herself for the moment, Lexa wistfully glanced at the bag of supplies she brought, knowing her plan was shot to hell, and sat down on the couch as she wracked her brain, trying to pivot and see if this night was still salvageable.

Salvaging what she had planned anyway.

It was still a night with Clarke and there was nothing better she could ask for than that.  


Clarke came back in and handed her a glass before settling down on the couch, snuggling into her side.  


“I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Even if it means you smashed your bowl?” Lexa glanced over at the still shattered mess on the floor. They really needed to clean that up soon.  


“I’ll smash them all if that’s what it takes to have you here.”  


Lexa smiled. She knew a sleep deprived Clarke when she saw one. Sleep deprived Clarke was always more loose lipped with glassy eyes and just an tiny bit of exaggeration to her usual animation.

She sipped at her wine and put it down before she turned her body towards Clarke, curling into her. She couldn’t help but be entranced by the sight of her beautiful girlfriend.  


The sloppy bun on top of her head, hair half fallen out in disarray. The way her t-shirt fell over her shoulder, exposing smooth skin and the angle of her collar bone. The way her eyes, still such a bright, sharp blue even when she was as exhausted as Lexa knew she was. The dark circles blatantly gave her away, but it still didn’t dim the ever vibrant, strong waves of energy Clarke’s presence always seemed to bring. Her scent surrounded her and Lexa breathed it all in deeply.

That was one of the things she missed most…ached the most for after Clarke’s touch. They way she smelled.  


They always made sure to leave some clothing item of each other’s behind after a visit. A sleep shirt, a sweatshirt…something. But it still wasn’t a substitute for the real thing.

Utterly mesmerized, Lexa was leaning in before she knew it, but Clarke turned away at the last second - leaving her more confused than ever.  


“So…when are you going to tell me the real reason you showed up at my apartment in the middle of the night - in a snowstorm - when you live in another state?”

She took a another gulp of her wine immediately. As if that would hide her nerves somehow.

Lexa was a little alarmed at the question. It wasn’t like she’d never surprised Clarke with a visit before. And Clarke seemed nervous.

Why would she be nervous? If anyone had something to be nervous about here, it was Lexa.  


And another thing - Clarke was never nervous with her. Not since they met last summer.  


Was it just the vibes Lexa was giving off? Her own nervous energy being reflected?

As she watched her closely, Clarke was in another world of her own.

Usually, Clarke wouldn’t be anything but overjoyed to have Lexa physically with her again. To be pressed up against her, feeling her warmth, breathing her scent… God, how did Lexa always smell so good? But there was still that feeling between them. The secret. The chasm inching wider and wider the longer they let it go unsaid.

“Well…it’s not a storm yet,” Lexa pointed out, choosing the most obviously innocuous response.  


Clarke had to use considerable strength to resist an eye-roll.

“Okay, fine, you caught me,” Lexa sighed, sliding down next to her and took a sip of her wine. She looked at Clarke with the most level, serious expression. “This is a booty call.”

Clarke snorted ungraciously before letting out a barking laugh. She set down her (now empty) glass, and curled back up with Lexa on the couch, closer than before and feeling more at ease. If Lexa wasn’t concerned, then Clarke shouldn’t be concerned.

Maybe Raven and Octavia were right…maybe it was all in her head. (Octavia still sucked for being so harsh though.)  


“A three hour drive for a booty call,” she smirked. “I’m flattered. But poor Flint…having to drive you up to the city at this time of night.”

Lexa shrugged. “I took the chopper. 90 minutes. Flint gets the week off.”

This time Clarke had to roll her eyes. “My ridiculously loaded girlfriend… Who knew you had all that money while you were riding around a lake on a glorified piece of tinfoil?”

Lexa smirked. “Had to make sure you weren’t blinded by dollar signs of course.”

“Of course.” Then a thought occurred to her. “You gave him a week off? Does that mean…you’re going to be here for…a whole week?”

“Something like that,” Lexa replied carefully.

That was her opening, her chance to start, but Clarke was staring at her lips now, eyes darkening. Lexa felt her heartbeat quicken automatically in response.  


If she wanted her plan to have any semblance of a chance tonight, she’d have to come up with something fast because Clarke’s plans were about ready to carry them both into the bedroom for the rest of the night.  


_Not that she would complain._

_And…and…_

_Fuck it._  


Lexa couldn’t remember what she was going to say anyway.

Clarke’s gasp when Lexa met her lips was enough to make her throb wildly between her thighs. She was wholly unprepared for Clarke ripping off both of their shirts and shoving her down on the couch as she attacked every inch of bare skin available.

Fast and furious, the flurry of hands, lips, teeth, and tongues - they needed this. They needed to meet each other again. It’d been too long. Time for leisure and exploring and drawn out pleasure was for later. Right now, they just needed each other.

And that’s what they took.

* * *

Eventually they’d ended up in Clarke’s bed, though how or when, Clarke really couldn’t say. She knew she’d passed out almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

She didn’t know if Lexa had ever gone to sleep though because when she opened her eyes again, it was still dark out, and the space beside her was cold and empty. A lonely bed in a lonely room.  


Clarke wondered if she’d dreamed it all up. Lexa surprising her. The shattered bowl. Just another dream she could hardly tell the difference from reality except for the part where she’d have to call Lexa and have only her voice and pixelated face through a camera for comfort.

There was a gentle thump outside her door and Clarke exhaled quickly. Not a dream. Lexa’s scent was still on her. The sting of light scratches and a pleasant ache between her legs were evidence enough. Lexa was here. This was not a lonely bed in a lonely room. It was just waiting…biding its time until the two of them filled it again.

There was another thump and Clarke forced herself to lift her head off the pillow, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders to stave off the winter chill.

“Lexa?” she called out groggily. “What are you doing? Come back to bed.”

No answer.

With a frustrated groan, Clarke wrapped the blanket around her nude self tightly and flung herself out of bed. The floor was freezing beneath her sleep warmed feet and she grumbled to herself about her impossible girlfriend as she padded towards the door, still half asleep.

The glow of lights didn’t really strike her until she was back in the living room and then her eyes widened.

Lexa had outdone herself. The entire room was adorned with fairy lights elegantly draped over the walls and ceiling. It seemed like there must have been a hundred candles lit and flickering, bringing a nearly magical, hallucinatory glow around them.

“Lexa…” Clarke gasped, looking around in wonder.

She turned around after lighting the last candle with a smile. Her hair was a mess of waves over her shoulders, ringlets appearing like mini-halos in the firelight. She was wearing Clarke’s sweats and a t-shirt, but barefoot as usual.  


Lexa was so beautiful, so striking, her features standing out even more in the soft, muted light. She was perhaps even more beautiful then the day Clarke really saw her for the first time. The second day of their camping trip as Lexa expertly tiptoed her way out of her boat and leapt onto Clarke’s beach. The afternoon sun pouring down on them to shine on Lexa in all her glory. She had felt and heard her the most when Lexa picked her up off the rock. That alone had been enough to make her feel something… But seeing her the next day…with no head injury to impede it… Maybe she’d fallen in love at that very moment.  


“Hi,” Lexa smiled gently.

Clarke’s mind was a blur. Too tired, too overwhelmed, too relieved to form words.

Lexa came towards her and slid her hands up Clarke’s arms to cup her cheeks lovingly.

She brushed their lips together briefly before pulling back. “Just so we’re clear…this was not a booty call,” she murmured, the corners of her mouth curled up. “I have news I wanted to surprise you with. I was hoping to set this up for when you got home from work.”

“Oh?” Clarke murmured, still feeling dazed. Maybe the candles were giving off some kind of fume that was drugging her into this languid, delirious, perfectly happy state of being…

“Yes, but then you swung a bat at my head.”

“Not sorry.”

Lexa smirked. “I had a…rather important meeting earlier tonight. It was to finalize the plans, sign the contracts, officially start the process.”

_Okay, she didn’t expect that._

Clarke blinked a few times, struggling to wake herself up more, and tightened the blanket around her naked body. Lexa wrapped her arms around her, molding their bodies together to help her stay warm. Well…it was one reason anyway.

“Contracts?” Clarke repeated in confusion.

Lexa nodded. “I know I’ve been busy and not around as much, but I had to make sure it could work - that I could follow through with the plan without getting your hopes up.” She sighed. “And without getting my hopes up either…”  


“Lexa, what are y–?”

“I finally convinced Uncle Gustus to expand.” Lexa couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice. “I flew in tonight to sign the papers with Kane. We break ground on the second store in two days. A third one is soon to follow when I get this up and running.”

Clarke was very confused. Still happy, but quite befuddled about what to make of all this.

Clearly, it showed because Lexa laughed softly, hugging the sleepy Clarke tighter.

“The second location is just outside of the city. Anya will run the flagship with Gustus in D.C. while I focus on growing our brand in brick and mortar. Which means I’ll have to live nearby. Which means…”

It finally clicked in Clarke’s poor, short circuiting sleep-deprived brain.

Lexa had found a way.

“You’re going to live here? In New York?” Maybe it was a little over-dramatic the way her voice trembled, but damn it, with all the romantic lights and missing her girlfriend and being so terrified of losing her…

“With you…” Lexa nodded. “If you’ll have me. We can stay here if you want or we could find a bigger place together, whatever you want.”

“I want you.”

Lexa’s smile grew. “I want you too.”

Clarke opened up the blankets, exposing herself to the chill briefly, so she could quickly bring Lexa into the warmth with her, wrapping the coverlet around them both. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke’s naked waist and snuggled into her shoulder.

They stayed like that for a moment before Clarke stomped on her bare foot none too lightly.

Lexa cried out in protest, mouth open in shock. “What the hell was that for?”

“What was that for?” Clarke frowned deeply at her. “You ass! Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through these past couple months with all the secrecy? I thought you were going to break up with me!”

“Okay…” she said slowly, controlling her voice, while wincing, “I understand your frustration, but it was with good intention and certainly does not excuse violence.”

She narrowly escaped Clarke’s heel coming down a second time.

Growling, Lexa bent at the knee and picked Clarke up, forcing her to wrap legs around her waist unless she wanted to fall, and brought her over to the couch again, but this time Lexa laid on top of her.

“Are you going to try and kick me?”

“Maybe.”

“Clarke.”

“You put me through all that just because you couldn’t share plans for–!”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you if I couldn’t make it work.”

“You could have trusted me.”

“It wasn’t about trust. I _love_ you. I had to make sure this would work before I could tell you.”

“We’re supposed to be partners!” Clarke stopped struggling with a frustrated exhale and laid her head back as Lexa hovered over her. She spoke more calmly, “We promised each other that. There’s no way we would be able to work if we weren’t partners. How could you keep something like this from me? All that you must have been going through and you never said a word…”

“I didn’t want to raise your–”

“You should have trusted me to handle it. You lied to me.”

“What lie?” Lexa replied, bewildered. “I have never–”

“Lies of omission,” she said sharply, her gaze boring into Lexa. “You of all people should know how badly those work out for us.”

Lexa seemed surprised by that and was silent, frozen, until, finally, she sighed and rested her forehead against Clarke’s.

“I’m sorry.”

Clarke had calmed down from the initial outburst, but she was exhausted and still shell shocked over this revelation.

_Lexa was going to move to New York._

_Lexa had been keeping a massive secret from her for months._

_Lexa was here._

_Lexa had been hiding things from her._  


Clarke had always known she was hiding something, she just didn’t know what. It was something good - something wonderful even - but Lexa didn’t have to go through all of that alone. Clarke could have been there to support her, maybe even help if she needed it.

But Lexa chose to keep her out.

And that hurt.

Soft, sweet lips pressed against hers in the gentlest apology she knew.

“Clarke…”

“Not now,” she said tiredly, without any real bite, and shook her head.

“Okay.”

Clarke wrapped her arms around her and snuggled into the crook of her neck, soaking in the comfort of Lexa’s weight on top of her, breathing her scent as her eyes fluttered shut.

* * *

She woke for the third time in what seemed like the same night, but now it was to daylight streaming through the windows. Lexa was warm and solid, pressed against her back as they were curled up and tangled in blankets on the couch, lying side by side. The candles had been extinguished, but the fairy lights were still on.

She cracked her eyes open further, noticing the missing bowl that was usually on her coffee table. She looked for the shattered glass, but saw nothing. Lexa must have cleaned it up when she did all this last night.

_Lexa._

“Do you think we’ve laid here long enough?” It was scratchy with sleep, but still that same strong, extraordinary voice Clarke heard against her ear in that twilight on the lake.

“Long enough to fix things you mean?”

“Yes.”

Clarke paused, thinking as her mind slowly caught up with her from it’s dream-world state.  


“You’re really going to move here?”

Lexa shifted behind her and Clarke could feel her soft lips press against the bare skin of her shoulder, shivering despite herself.

“Yes.”

“You want to live with me?”

“Yes.”

“There can’t be secrets like that again, Lexa. Even well meaning ones.”

“I understand.”  


Clarke was quiet for a moment. She could feel Lexa holding her breath behind her.

“Let’s go to bed.”

Lexa kissed her neck and cheek and nose, climbing over her with a smile. Clarke wrapped her arms around her neck as Lexa cupped her bare ass and lifted her, carrying Clarke back into the bedroom with her legs around her waist. The curtains were pulled shut, the door safely locked, and they cuddled beneath the blankets, ducking their heads under the sheet like they were back in Lexa's tent again during that fateful summer.

They had never really left it. Never really would.


End file.
